Category Archives: Reviews

The Pit and the Pendulum Review

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It’s time to look at one of those horror films where you know that someone’s gonna turn crazy from the get go. It takes place at an old castle and people have been mysteriously dying. You can’t really draw any other conclusion than this as a result right? The cast of characters is rather small, but as all of them are fairly annoying you begin to wish there were even fewer characters. It’s a pretty bad film that just stays very dreary throughout. You’ll be waiting for some life to be inserted into the film only to no avail.

The film starts off with Francis running to the mansion of Nicholas since he has heard that his sister died. Nicholas explains that she was sick, but forgets to get on the same page as Doctor Leon so the story is botched from the start. Francis quickly demands an explanation, but he isn’t getting one. That’s when Nicholas starts to go crazy and the cast hears a ghost from the great beyond. Is it possible that the sister still is in fact alive or is there something else at play here?

First off, the villains aren’t very smart here. So of course, you’ve got the “ghost.” Her role is to convince Nicholas that he is insane so his mind can break and she can then finish him off. The problem is that turning him insane would likely just make him even more dangerous so I don’t see how that would help. The odds of Nicholas just fainting and dying the way that they all envisioned just doesn’t seem all that likely. Even when the plan seems to work they don’t try finishing him off. Instead they decide to waste time gloating about it and rubbing their victory in his face. Naturally Nicholas doesn’t like this very much and retaliates.

Meanwhile you have Francis who is oblivious to all of this. He starts off by talking a big game, but very quickly you realize that this is all hot air. He is completely outmatched against the others. Nicholas takes him out with a single back hand. Sure, Francis was right to be skeptical so it’s good that he didn’t leave but at the same time he should have been more afraid to fight. What was his plan if Nicholas was the cruel murderer that Francis thought he might be? The lead can’t fight for beans so I think he should have thought this whole thing through a little more.

Then you’ve got the tragic backstory for Nicholas which just makes everyone look even worse. It turns out that his Uncle and Mother colluded against his father in secret so the guy murdered both of them. Now in the present this situation has gone full circle with other characters. That’s why you probably want to be careful when your house has an actual torture chamber inside of it. Definitely a very dark element and it’s used in both the flashback and the present day adventure. Even the twist ending opts to go for a more tragic route as opposed to being a hype one where the monster escapes. Someone is stuck in a cage with no foreseeable way out which is a pretty brutal way to go.

I suppose the script isn’t all that bad. The characters are all very theatrical and like to make sure that everyone knows what a tough journey they’ve had. All of the characters throw a lot of banter around and speak on each other’s behalf. You’re supposed to trust person B because A says so and vice versa. With nobody willing to tell the full truth you have to discern what is happening based on obvious plot devices and the subtext of what they’re saying. Unfortunately Francis isn’t quite ready for such a revelation.

While the character he is playing is no good, Vincent Price still does a good job of playing the same character he always does. He’s one of the most consistent actors from back in the day. I can’t say that I really follow too many actors/actresses because acting ability tends to look basically the same to me regardless of who it is, but in the modern day Tom Cruise is an example of a solid actor who always seems to be playing the same character and that’s why it works well. Likewise Vincent Price seemed to be that way in the old adventures. No matter what character he is playing you will likely recognize the guy almost immediately. It’s also the tip off to how you know he will turn evil by the end. That’s basically how it always goes.

Overall, I wouldn’t recommend checking this film out. If you want a grim tale from the olden days then this could work for you though. One aspect of these old films that makes the situations feel a lot more dangerous than modern ones is the fact that nobody is around to help. This film takes place in a very remote area where nobody lives for miles. You can’t hail a cab and there aren’t any cell phones either. Escape would be rather difficult at best and while Francis could still make a run for it, you can see why the situation is rather dire. It’s hard to recreate that sense of tension in a modern film although I’m sure they try their best. Now, if you want a much better horror film with plot twists and a character trying to find out the truth, check out the edited version of House instead. Now that one delivers on being quality entertainment.

Overall 2/10

The Return of the Vampire Review

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It’s time to look at another vampire movie. It’s actually been quite a while since I’ve seen one. Have they gotten better over time or is it doomed just like the rest? This one’s basically the latter. It’s far and away not the worst vampire film I’ve seen, but it still isn’t particularly good. It deserves some props for trying to do its best within the genre, but at the same time it could have simply have chosen another genre and that would have been the end of that.

The film starts off with a vampire showing up and deciding to destroy someone. It’s what he has been doing for years so why stop now? He then claims another victim in a town so 2 of the locals head over to his coffin and murder the guy. (The vampire base gets less and less guarded in each film) Unfortunately the groundskeepers show up later and remove the stake since they were dismayed to see the corpses being defiled in this way. This allows Dracula to return from the grave (All right, I’ll start calling him Tesla from here since that’s his name in this film) and continue his hunt. Tesla decides to adopt a human identity once more so that he can attract more attention to himself and gloat in his self satisfaction. Can anyone stop him?

Right away I have to give the film some credit with how it treats Lady Jane as the lead. She handles the situation wayyyyy better than most of the other main characters who run around crying and screaming at the mere sight of Dracula. Nobody’s got time for that. Jane destroyed him once and when he returns she is ready to conquer him once again…I mean Tesla. Her best scene is when Tesla walks over to her room and boldly starts telling her every part of his plan. He’s going to take her family and rule the world from the shadows. She calmly ignores him during the whole speech and gives him a look that says “Are you done yet?” Tesla gets a little perturbed by this and approaches her. Jane calmly finishes her piano piece and then puts the book down, revealing a cross under it. Tesla runs away scared and you realize that Jane is a very sensible character. She also spends a great deal of time trying to convince everyone else that Tesla is real.

Of course, a vampire film wouldn’t be all there without that one skeptic who refuses to believe that vampires are a thing. He sees the bite marks and doesn’t care. It’s all superstition and hocus pocus. Even his two comic relief underlings eventually see the light while this guy doesn’t even at the very end. You always cut these skeptics a little slack since it would take a lot for me to suddenly believe they are real as well, but you should at least look at what is happening and consider the possibility. What does this guy have to lose? As a result he is rather slow and doesn’t help much at all. He brings a gun to the final fight where he panics and fires the first shot, but that doesn’t help his case either.

To quickly give the underlings a shoutout, they did put up a reasonable fight against the werewolf. It may have been futile, but I’m glad that they didn’t go down in one punch as you may have expected. The Werewolf himself is a little annoying. He can’t resist Tesla’s powers and even after being cured he allows himself to regress back into a villain. At the end it takes getting shot in the chest to finally get him to realize that being a hero is the only true path to take. Better late than never though so we take those.

What makes this film a little better than the other Dracula films is that it doesn’t go for the low brow vampire moments that doom the genre. We don’t see Tesla constantly draining people’s blood. Make no mistake, there are fatalities here and he’s still just as unlikable a villain as always, but the film doesn’t rub our faces in it. There is also no animal violence squeezed in this time. I still don’t find vampires particularly interesting, but considering the genre I think the movie did a fair job of it. The writing isn’t bad either. It balances in some humor and the characters sound reasonable. While the skeptic ultimately would not see reason at least he had some valid reasons for sticking to his version of events.

Overall, The Return of the Vampire is about what you’d expect from a Vampire film. It basically goes through all of the usual motions, but does its best to stay classy throughout. If you are a fan of these films then you’ll certainly enjoy this one. Get ready to see Jane dish out the damage against Tesla. While Vampires have quite a few weaknesses including Garlic and Stakes, I’m always glad that the Cross gets such a powerful effect against them as well. It’s used quite effectively here. The most random scene in the film is probably when a giant explosion occurs which prevents the cross from finishing off Tesla, but since the vampire was doomed anyway perhaps it was just a way to stretch out his inevitable end. Tesla certainly didn’t end up going very peacefully.

Overall 4/10

Dragalia Lost Review

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It’s time to take a look at Nintendo’s latest mobile adventure. Just like Pokemon Go Nintendo seems to be here to provide the promotion while they handled every other aspect of the game to a third party. It’s a good strategy since I’m sure it takes up less manpower this way and the third party has more experience with mobile titles. The game is well made and quite polished although it’s one that I won’t be sticking around for. It has its weaknesses, but as long as you have the time it makes for quite the investment.

The plot is a little generic though as you are a prince who didn’t want to be King. Unfortunately all 7 of your brothers have turned evil and the same goes for your father The King. It’s hinted that they are being mind controlled but either way it is time for the main character to rise to the occasion. In this world all proper fighters need to have a dragon companion so his first order of business is to tame one. Now he has to go save the world, but can he do it?

As this is a mobile game the answer to that question is likely a flat no. These games just never seem to end which is one of the main things that ends up deterring you from playing after a while. It’s all a matter of preference though. I typically play console games but those always have a start and an end. If I wasn’t a big console fan then I’d probably stick around for this one. As it is the only games I’m actively keeping up with are Dragon Ball Legends and Pokemon Go. That’s enough to keep me busy, but it’s always fun to at least check these other games out for a bit.

The gameplay is an overhead real time combat system. You swing your sword by tapping the screen and you can use super attacks once you have charged up enough energy meter. There is also a separate energy meter for turning into a dragon. Turning into a dragon gives you a huge boost in health and attack power so I highly advise doing so. Each level is typically a short run where you beat up a bunch of enemies and then the boss room at the end of it. The fact that the levels are so short is definitely a good thing since it makes it very easy to play the game in batches. Of course it also highlights the fact that the story moves so slowly so that’s the only drawback.

The graphics are very good. They wouldn’t look out of place in a home console title. The character designs are smooth and the colors are very vibrant. Likewise, the soundtrack is pretty solid as well. It’s very fast paced and makes the game feel energetic as well. These aspects of the game are just as well polished as the gameplay and keeps up the appearance that this could be a AAA title for the Switch.

As for the replay value it’s basically infinite with everything going on here. New content is added all the time through online levels and new characters. As it is the actual story is quite long as well and with all of the bonus raids you can’t run out of things to do. You do have a stamina meter so you can’t play for too long in a row without breaks. While it is a lot more lenient than the Dragon Ball Legends one, it’s not quite as long as Fire Emblem Heroes. Still, it’s certainly enough energy for you to play for fairly long sessions.

Honestly at this point I wish we could get a full Super Smash Bros gatcha game for mobile. See, the only reason I’m not sticking around with this one as long as I stuck around with Fire Emblem and Dragon Ball is because all of the characters are OCs and naturally I’m less invested in them. If the story was about Nintendo mascots I wouldn’t care that 90% of it is stalling for time and not going anywhere. It would still be priceless just to see the Super Smash characters interacting and everything. Hopefully one day we get that.

Ironically I’d say that the mobile games that are less complex and complete tend to work better. I’m looking forward to the Mario Kart app and I’m sure I’ll stick with that one for a while. RWBY is also coming up although I don’t think that one will last. I can’t think of any other mobile games that are coming up soon, but I’m sure some will pop up. Those games seem very simple to the point of almost just being point and click. Even Dragon Ball Legends which has a lot going on seems simpler than Dragalia Lost. Dragalia is just a little too complex. If you want to actually get all of the mechanics in the game you’re going to need to dive into Reddit. Otherwise you’re gonna get hopelessly lost with the dozens of mechanics and such going on here. It’s all a little overwhelming. If you do decide to play this game, I highly recommend not spending any of your orbs and materials for the first few weeks of the game. Wait and see who you want to actually power up since these materials are often going to get scarce as the game goes on.

Overall, Dragalia Lost is a fun game. It’ll probably take a long while to get invested in the plot, but at the same time the game did launch with a ton of story levels to sift through so that’ll help. An impressive aspect is also that every single character has an individual story mode as well which consist of a few cutscenes. Since there are going to be hundreds of characters by the end of this that is a lot of content. I can’t stress enough that this is basically a full RPG on the phone. It’s probably the most convincing one I’ve seen since Sword Art Online Integral Factor. That one had the better plot, but this one has the better level designs and less filler.

Overall 7/10

House Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be much more negative

It’s time to look at a horror/comedy which often times seems to be the best way to handle the genre. It’s a pretty interesting blend of the two genres and one that I think works rather well to be honest. The songs really help as well and the movie does a good job of just never getting too exaggerated. It’s a rare exception to the trope of most horror films being terrible. Of course, since it is part comedy do you wonder a bit if it really counts. I’m actually surprised that it’s R because it didn’t seem all that violent or to have much objectionable content. I’m assuming a lot of it must have been language or something in which case I would naturally rescind my statement that the writing is pretty good in this film, but as mentioned earlier I am specifically reviewing the edited version and as such my recommendation to watch it is only to be applied to that one.

The film starts off with Roger having a pretty awful time of it lately. His wife left him which is always unfortunate. His son went missing a few years back and his aunt died. He’s also on tough times financially as he hasn’t been able to write a new book in a very long time and is just out of ideas. Ah well, he at least gets to inherit his Aunt’s house (Along with her wealth, but he spends a lot of it on cameras) which is supposed to be haunted. Roger doesn’t believe in ghosts, but that may prove to be irrelevant.

One positive that is really apparent here is the monster’s design. She actually has a real design and isn’t just hiding the whole time. She shows up to taunt Roger and even speaks. I admit that I was actually a little shocked when she started talking but certainly in a good way. Then she took out the shotgun and I knew that this wasn’t your average horror villain. She wasn’t relying on cheap reality warping tricks or any of that. She was just fighting Roger in hand to hand combat and making it look easy.

The rest of the monsters here are also pretty cool. You need to see the way the bat twirls around his gun before using it to break the rope Roger is clinging to. That took a lot of skill and the monster world is probably the best one that I’ve seen since Insidious. It’s definitely a highlight and seeing Roger take them on is the best part of the film. I also liked the fact that he used the floating knives in the first room he was in to take on the monster. Usually that trick won’t work, but it’s always worth trying.

There is one subplot that does drag on and isn’t as fun as the rest though, that’s the Vietnam part of the story. We see that Roger used to be in the army and was in a tough squad. They were thrown into a suicide squad where Roger abandoned his teammate to the enemy and ran home. Naturally he feels rather guilty about this and it has haunted his psyche for a very long time. It’s a subplot that feels rather unnecessary. Of course it does end up affecting the main plot by the end so I guess they felt it was good for the twist, but I think it wasn’t needed. I also do think the ghost has a good reason to be mad at Roger because Roger definitely made the wrong call there. Finishing off the guy would have been the wrong move as well. Abandoning and finishing off someone are always the wrong calls. The only right move there would have been to stay and fight until the last man.

Back to the main plot, we also get a random next door neighbor who wasn’t really needed. She is basically just added for the misdirect which is meant to be comedic and some fanservice. Neither of which are good reasons for her inclusion in the first place. Take away her annoying kid and her 3 minutes of screen time and the film wouldn’t really change. Meanwhile, Roger’s ex-wife is a far better character who is a lot more interesting in her short minutes of screen time. I was actually a little worried when she first showed up and Roger took out the Shotgun. If that had actually been her then the film would have crossed that line between being funny and dark which would have been tragic. Fortunately the film handled it pretty well so the twist worked quite well. It was handled pretty well also since I wasn’t exactly sure if it would be played straight or not.

Of course I can’t end a review of this film without mentioning the great music. This may have the best soundtrack from any horror film. That instant where Roger takes down the monster is made perfect when the cool lyrical song starts playing. The timing is perfect and the song is pretty inspirational so it just works so well. We also get another song later on which is quite good as well. The monster’s regenerative abilities prove to be a little tricky afterwards, but Roger did a good job of trying to think everything through. Even chopping the monster into many pieces was definitely a good idea to at least slow it down.

Overall, House was actually pretty fun. It poked fun at the usual horror tropes and did a good job of exploiting them without overdoing it. Roger is a better main character than most of the actual horror leads and the monster is also a step up from normal. This movie basically did everything right. It mat have juggled too many subplots at times and lost focus of what was actually happening, but in the end the pacing was solid and the plot was interesting. The writing was surprisingly good and so was the cast. This could be my new go 2 when recommending a horror film to someone.

Overall 7/10

Phase IV Review

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It’s time to take a look at an old school horror film. This one naturally gets tricky because of course when animals are the focus you have to get a little nervous. If the ants win then they’ll probably still suffer collateral damage, but if they lose then animal violence is assured. As a result, it does feel like there is no winning at times right? Well, that’s basically the situation and unfortunately this film was not able to get past that. It was curtains from the start.

The film starts with a meteor hitting the Earth and granting the ants extra intelligence to help balance them against the humans on the food chain. The Ants decide to take over the world, but they are willing to play the long game. They decide to start off in the suburbs and quickly take the local town over. That’s when two scientists arrive to try and see what can be done about all of this. They may be in a little over their head this time though and when another family is murdered they are also forced to look after a teenage girl. Now they must either try to stay and survive in the base they have built or attempt to escape.

Ernest is the main researcher and he believes that the only way to deal with the ants is to wipe them out. He wants to beat the Ants at their best though so he toys with them for a while. Naturally the ants don’t take too kindly to this. Ernest has a serious superiority complex which also doesn’t mesh too well with the situation. He’s one of the main antagonists here as he tries to prevent Kendra from escaping the base and continually puts the heroes in a bad spot. I can’t say that he was likable.

Of course, Kendra isn’t any good either. She had a traumatic start of course since seeing your family get taken down by ants can be pretty rough. Still, she nearly sabotages the heroes from the start as she breaks a box of ants and causes Ernest to get bitten. She is pretty afraid of the ants the whole time and just can’t keep up with them. At the end she also makes a pretty poor decision which sums up her whole character arc in the film.

Finally we have James who is the last of the main character. He decided to come along and study the ants, but doesn’t realize just how serious the situation is at first. He came to have fun but is quickly thrown into this game of death. He wants a peaceful alternative to dealing with the ants, but that kind of thing never gets to work in these films. You can appreciate the attempt I guess, but at the same time it’s basically just him giving up.

As hinted at earlier the film does have animal violence which really hurts its chances. There is a dog who shows up and naturally doesn’t last long against the Ants. Any animal that gets in their way is quickly demolished. Then you’ve also got other animals like the Grasshopper who shows up and gets wrecked which is pretty unfortunate. I was rooting for him to take some names. The animal violence is pretty bad so the film was definitely sunk at this point.

It also has a bad habit of dragging on scenes forever as we just see the Ants walking around. This’ll just bore you to tears and it speaks to how low the budget must have been for this film. It was just trying to buy time throughout which was too bad. The final segment of the film at least tries to be a little interesting with the twist ending as the Ants learn how to mind control humans and reanimate the dead ones. That could make a sequel a lot more interesting, but since this only happens for the final 1-2 minutes of the film I certainly wouldn’t say that it really impacts the score. At least it didn’t end on a low note right?

I suppose the writing isn’t bad here. The characters may not be the smartest, but at least they don’t always panic right away. For the most part they make an effort to try and stay objective about the whole thing. Blowing up the Ants’ energy cannons was a good idea. I certainly do think they should have had better defenses against the Ants though. Ultimately the insects are just able to walk into their base and destroy them. Meanwhile I thought the ants did a much better job of defending themselves with their cool heat waves and such. They even had fighter Ants of various elements to try and counter whatever the humans had up their sleeves. Their army coordination was on point.

Overall, Between the animal violence and the very underwhelming trio of characters, I can’t say that Phase IV is a film I would recommend to anyone. The dog scene guarantees that and having insects as opponents is never a good idea in basically any form of media. There are a very limited amount of routes you can take here and they all lead to disaster. If you want to see a good horror film I would suggest turning back and watching Poltergeist III instead. Otherwise, you should back up and check out a different genre like Scooby Doo. Those films will always be happy to throw a few puns your way.

Overall 0/10

Twisted Metal: Head-On Review

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It’s time to look at my first ever Twisted Metal game! It felt good to finally be able to open the door on this franchise. It always looked pretty interesting and who doesn’t like car combat? Naturally the game’s likely a little more limited than the main installments would be, but it gives you a pretty good look at what the franchise is all about. (I assume) There is even a story even if it was rather brief so that’s cool. It’s a fun game and one that you will remember down the line.

The game starts with a mysterious being announcing that the entire planet is going to be the battleground for a tournament that he is hosting. The objective is to use your vehicle to destroy everyone else’s. If you are successful then he shall grant you a wish. If you don’t want to participate in the tournament…too bad. Each character gets their own story but at first you only have 2 characters unlocked so I chose the biker dude. He’s not thrilled about this, but if someone’s going to win this thing it may as well be him. There aren’t really any more cutscenes until the end of the game where you fight a giant car that is all but indestructible. Then you are treated to the ending. The guy’s reaction to it wasn’t great though. You get a wish of course, but the main character is just super confused and starts yelling about how this must all be a nightmare. The villain zaps him a bit, but the guy won’t budge so the announcer takes this as his wish and decides to stop with the tournaments for a little while. However, he does say that this is wish that he cannot grant so it was pretty pointless. The main guy should have asked for something a little more valuable. The options are pretty much endless to be honest.

When it comes to the gameplay, you’ll likely pick it up very quickly. You drive around in the car and try to blow the others up. You have a machine gun built into the car that you can spam although you have to let it recharge from time to time. It does almost no damage but it’s still good to have. Around the stage there are a few different power ups like Fire missiles, power missiles, upgrades, etc. The best ones are the homing missiles as they deal a lot of damage and are easy to hit with. Most levels will have you try to destroy 4-5 cars. You get 3 lives to do so or you have to restart. I died once, but after that I realized the perfect way to cheese. Look for a health power up somewhere in the level. It’ll keep respawning there so whenever you’re low on health just head for that place.

However, the most important thing to do is to grab the upgrades. There are 6 upgrades. I’m not sure if it was a glitch or not, but once I got them all my car became completely invincible. This was really handy for the final boss since I literally couldn’t lose health. Getting the 6 upgrades can be tough because if you lose a life you lose all of your upgrades and earning them back takes a while since you get them only when you destroy cars. Still, it’s worth it and without that invincibility I get the feeling that the final boss would have been a whole lot more challenging.

The graphics look pretty good. Naturally I was impressed that it had full voice acting and everything. I shouldn’t be surprised since the PSP always did a good job of feeling like a big console. It’s a shame that it didn’t end up selling better because I do think a lot of passion was put into the PSP. It really could have ended up being one of the big ones and instead it ended up fading into obscurity. The soundtrack is also pretty good for the most part. Naturally there is a lot of rock music which is fun. I can’t really vouch for the lyrical themes because I didn’t understand anything they were saying, but the instrumental themes are definitely quite good.

As for replay value, I wouldn’t say that there is a ton here. There is probably a multiplayer mode for if you have two PSPs, but that’s tough to find nowadays. You can try beating the game with everyone to get all of the endings. That will take you around 10 hours I’d say. Beyond that there isn’t much else. If the price was higher then it probably wouldn’t be worth it, but if you can get the game for a few bucks then the initial playthrough probably still justifies the cost. It’s a car game that you’ll want to add to your collection.

Overall, Twisted Metal was fun. The plot twist about who the main character at the end was is pretty intense. I’m not sure exactly how straightforward it was though as it’s possible that the guy is actually someone else. I just get the feeling that there is more to the clown than meets the eye, but I really don’t know enough about the franchise to say one way or the other. If you play this game, make sure to keep an eye out for those final cutscenes. They’re pretty fun. With this game completed, I have finally gotten the video game backlog down to 100 games. Definitely a pretty emotional moment.

Overall 7/10

Metal Arms Glitch in the System Review

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It’s time to look at a third person sci-fi shooter. That likely sounds pretty good, but I’m afraid that the game was certainly more on the underwhelming side. The levels were poorly designed and the game isn’t always clear on what the objective is. Throw in the game’s crazy difficulty level and you have a title that is best left on the shelf. The 10 hours it takes you to complete the game will feel like forever, but at least you will get some satisfaction out of this achievement.

The story focuses on a robot named Glitch. All of his friends and family have been taken down by the Mills. This is a different robot faction that wants to conquer the whole universe. So far their plan has gone over quite well, but Glitch will fight to the last man. To do that he must find the leader of the enemies and also destroy as many bases and factories along the way as possible. It won’t be easy, but this guy has spunk and the will to make it happen.

First off, I have to say that the story is quite bad. One of the game’s big selling points is the strong language where almost everything has to get beeped out in certain cutscenes because of how intense everyone is. It’s certainly not a joke that works well and it’s stretched out so long that it simply never had a chance. It’s rare for me to say that the writing in a video game was bad, but this was definitely one of those times. You couldn’t wait for the cutscenes to end in these instances. I guess the only good part would be the stinger that sets up the sequel. The odds of us getting a sequel are virtually 0 at this point, but a person can dream right? A sequel could be good if the game was fixed from the ground up and I have a feeling that it would be. The plot and characters are another story of course, but there’s always a chance.

The main villain is wrecked by the end as well. For the whole game you are convinced that he is a very cunning and powerful leader. He had a secret agent infiltrate our ranks and considering his large army the guy must know what he is doing right? Well, we find out by the end that the guy can’t talk and just likes to beat his chest like King Kong. He has no real character and can’t think too well. It turns out that the right hand man was the real brains behind the operation but the game could have done that without wrecking the final boss. Meanwhile none of the heroes are any good except for Glitch. I’ll say that he was a reasonable lead. The game lightly tries to make him a Hal Jordan/Han Solo kind of guy except he rarely gets to talk so it’s hard to see that. With more of a presence in the story I think he would have worked quite well.

As for the gameplay, as I mentioned it’s a TPS. When you first start you only have Glitch’s main arm cannon. As the game goes on you get a variety of weapons including the 3 best ones, a Gatling Gun, Rockets, and a Sniper Explosive. There’s also the Shotgun, but it’s basically useless until you upgrade it to level 3. At that point it becomes the best weapon in the game, but the ammo runs out almost instantly. I highly recommend upgrading all of your weapons, but getting the parts to do it can be tricky. You also always want to keep some money on hand in case you need to buy some health during a level. The levels are typically platformer style so you have to get to the end while fulfilling some kind of objectives. Keep blasting and the way will be known to you. If you pause the game you will also see a vague mission outline as well which can help you if you’re stuck. The game’s pretty dark so make sure your TV screen has a nice brightness level or you’ll really be in a pickle.

There are 42 levels in the game and it should take you around 10 hours to complete them. After that you can go back and find all of the secret chips to unlock extra multiplayer levels. Naturally as this game has such a multiplayer mode the replay value here is basically limitless. I’m sure it’ll be a blast too since the only thing holding the single player mode back was really the insane difficulty and glitches so the title could live up to its name. If you leave your vehicle behind be prepared to restart the level. Same thing happens if you leave an explosive behind. Also watch out for making it to a checkpoint with low health because you may end up dying quite a lot as you try to survive. Sometimes it’s better to just re-start the whole level. I actually had to replay the first 5 levels again because I initially played the game on normal mode before having to go back to Easy. This game simply didn’t play.

Making matters worse is the fact that 1-2 levels can’t be completed if you go in swinging. You had to play the levels with no guns equipped so the robots wouldn’t shoot at you. There’s almost no way to know that in advance so it feels a little cheap. I cheesed a few levels by just making a beeline for the goal. I had quite a few close shaves there. Now, this isn’t to say that difficulty is a bad thing. Games should be hard and you want a good challenge. However, this difficulty just feels cheap as you die to a few hits or the enemies infinitely respawn. If you don’t have the right grenade to mind control the robots then you’ll be stuck there for a while. I think this game just wasn’t nearly as polished as it should have been and will ultimately go down as one of the worst shooters that I’ve played. The gameplay could possibly be overlooked a little more if the story was any good, but it’s not.

The soundtrack is pretty solid at least. When you hear the main menu theme playing near the climax you know that things are finally getting serious. It was a pretty emotional moment and the other sci-fi themes aren’t bad. The graphics I won’t really fault either. It’s hard for me to say one way or the other if the game is too dark because my TV is always pretty iffy there, but it definitely could have been brighter. The destruction effects are pretty solid. Technically the controls are fairly good as well. You won’t miss a shot that you don’t want too.

Overall, Metal Arms is a bit of a missed opportunity. The game could and should have been amazing. The story of a robot rebellion rising up against its oppressors should be a classic. At the same time, it just missed every easy opportunity that it possibly could and by the end of this game it’ll be hard to remember the good times. The developers were slick by having the best levels be the final ones, but it’s simply too little too late. Unless you’re a huge fan of shooters and want to test your skills here, I would recommend avoiding this game. It’s simply not worth the pain and effort of trying to clear it since the story won’t even act as a reward.

Overall 4/10

Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost Review

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It’s time to look at the recent Scooby Doo film. This series has definitely been a fun one that adapts over time. The first few films took themselves rather seriously with life and death stakes at play. This gradually changed as the films got a little more self aware and decided to play around with the ghosts. Nowadays the series likes to poke fun at itself while heading to the goal. It’s not necessarily a bad thing as the humor tends to work well but I will say that the original films still tend to be the best ones. This one is a solid installment that plays out like you would expect. It’s entertaining even if it’s nothing groundbreaking.

The film starts with the gang getting ready to head over to the manor of Fred’s uncle. He is a famous cook who really knows how to get a nice dish on the fryer. Shaggy and Scooby are glad to finally be somewhere where they can eat to their heart’s content. They’re naturally pretty thrilled, but it turns out that this vacation may not be all fun and games. A local ghost has shown up and is terrorizing the cooks. It looks like the uncle might have to finally sell his place to a very eager real estate agent who has been visiting lately. Fred decides that the gang will have to put an end to this, but how can they possibly compete with a supernatural entity like a ghost?

We’ve got a few suspects on the docket for this film. First off we can probably eliminate the guest stars. I mean, the uncle and the other cook could possibly be the crooks I suppose, but doing that to a celebrity guest star would be pretty surprising. On that note, we’ll start the suspect list off with Noseworthy. His name is pretty memorable so you won’t be forgetting him. He’s a disgruntled guy who manages to fields for the cooks. Unfortunately he has a habit of trying to scare off the guests and always brings up the ghosts. The guy was fired but still lives on the land to prove that he can. His motive is clear and the guy is pretty suspicious. Keep an eye out for this guy.

Then you have the very mean cook who is always throwing knives around. She’s rather obnoxious which is a pretty good reason to be the crook already. I have to mention here that from all of the comedy gags in this film hers was the only one that I thought fell flat. It’s not a very funny subplot with her running around making threats all the time. She comes off as mainly a time filler who doesn’t actually contribute to anything that is happening on screen. Without her the film’s pacing would only get better. Then we have the real estate agent. Naturally he wants to buy the place now that it’s pretty cheap. Pretty convenient timing eh? This kind of character seems to show up in just about every Scooby Doo film, but his presence is appreciated nonetheless. He’s also a fun character to be honest and keeps everyone honest. You need a selfish character like this one to provide a nice contrast to everyone else.

There’s also a big fan of the uncle’s who is also one of the biggest writers out there. He wrote a book about Fred’s ancestor who used to be a great war hero during the Revolutionary war. He has built his life around the guy’s reputation and has a lot to lose if any scandals got out. Maybe he needs the place closed down to save his legacy. The whole reputation business is a big subplot here although it’s one that is almost comical to an extent. So, this ancestor was a double agent who was working for America against the British. This is public knowledge. However, the heroes find a book that suggests he was feeding the enemies intel about Washington and his troops. Now, one assumption might be that he was actually working for the British all along, but I like to think that your first thought would simply be that he was keeping up the act and it was false intel. Why suddenly believe that he was turned all along? It leads to some twists and drama of course, but I think the heroes should have had more confidence in him.

The Mystery Gang is basically the same as always. This time around Velma and Daphne don’t get a whole lot to do since this is Fred’s movie. Shaggy and Scooby have a large role in all of the films regardless of who the focus is on so often times out of the main 5, 2 are left out. Daphne and Velma do good in the scenes that they’re in which is good. Fred’s the standout here as he does his best to keep the villains down while saving the food industry. Shaggy and Scooby also have some pretty meta moments like when they admit that they often pretend to be scared so they can score some grub. Depending how seriously you take this quote it has a lot of serious implications. Well, I suppose that’s why they say it’s always good to have these two in your corner. Scooby still comes across as very petty next to Shaggy though. He’s constantly stealing food from the poor guy even when Shaggy is always careful to share the food equally.

We’ve also got some cats running around who are fun enough. I don’t ultimately think they had much of a purpose being here, but at least Scooby isn’t the only animal running around now right? From the two celebrities, the best one was probably the heroine. She learned self defense and many forms of combat as a hobby which lets her help the team out when the ghost shows up. When you consider the fact that she can fight, you’ll probably just start to wonder why they’re running at all. Surely the group can handle one ghost right? Meanwhile the uncle bakes some mean cookies so that’s something to be admired. I could go for a few homemade chocolate chip cookies myself to be honest.

Overall, The film is pretty fun. The pacing is solid and the adventure goes by very quickly. Aside from the old lady the humor was on point. The characters don’t come across as overly annoying or anything like that. If there was anything else that was a little weak for the film it would be the ghost. It probably has one of the worst designs for a villain that we’ve seen in Scooby Doo. It’s played a little more for laughs than usual and he could have looked a whole lot more intimidating. It is what it is I suppose, but giving the heroes someone to really fear would have gone a long way.

Overall 7/10

Gunpey DS Review

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It’s time to look at one of those random puzzle games that I’ve had in the backlog for quite a while. I’m a pretty big Professor Layton fan so I was ready for some more puzzles. The problem is that Gunpey’s design seems to be a little too based on luck. Of course, the more you play the better you will get at recognizing the patterns and it isn’t all luck based, but it does play a factor. This game also has no way to delete previous save data so if you get a copy where part of the game has already been completed, you won’t get any kind of tutorial. That’s probably the roughest part since you have to learn on the fly. It took some time, but eventually I was able to get good enough to conquer the game. There’s some good entertainment lost in this game, but finding it is too much of a hassle.

The game’s main mode is essentially it’s story. It works like an Arcade Mode as you fight 5 opponents in a row at the ladders. If you beat them all then the credits role and you will unlock a new character. Rinse and repeat if you like to get them all. You are able to use the continue feature as much as necessary (I presume…I only died once during my big victory round) so no pressure. The story will take you around 15-20 minutes since there are no cutscenes and reach round is around 3-4 minutes. Since this game is about being the last man standing it all depends on when the A.I. loses.

Lets talk about the gameplay. So both players have a field with 5 columns and a bunch of rows. The screen moves upwards as the match goes on and you can also speed it up although I recommend never doing this in story mode since it just accelerates your own demise. It’s only good to do that to get a higher score if you’re doing the Score Attack mode or Endless. You have various shapes appear in your board as it rises. There seem to be 3-4 kind of pieces. The idea is to get them to connect across the entire board. Once 5 pieces are connected they all explode and you keep on doing that. Whoever lets a piece make it to the top of the board first loses. Adding to the strategy is the fact that you can’t move pieces horizontally, only vertically. That’s where the luck part comes in as sometimes the right piece won’t show up in the final column until it’s too late. If you want to beat the main campaign the best way is to simply go as slowly as possible.

You can control the board in a few different ways, but using the stylus is easily the quickest and most efficient way if you ask me. It sounds more complicated than it actually is. Once you understand the purpose of the game then the rest will quickly fall into place. You better enjoy the gameplay though because there isn’t really anything else to it. Of course that can be said for many games, but this one just feels like it’s lacking in content. Once you beat all of the stories I suppose you can go back and try to get high scores in the other modes, but that’s about it. You also can’t see your high scores in any of the modes right away. The only way to re-view them is to enter the level again and die on purpose. It’s a pretty lazy set up since showing scores should not be a hard thing to do at all.

As far as the graphics go, they aren’t bad. They’re not particularly good either, but you certainly won’t be able to make an excuse like you weren’t able to see them or anything like that. The game’s certainly bright enough. The soundtrack is super bland though. Of course, I’d expect nothing less. Now, I don’t want to say that Gunpey is a bad game. That’s still a rare distinction that only some games really deserve. That being said, it doesn’t do enough to be a good game either. It just comes across as being lazy. Not being able to delete the save data is really a bad thing since you never want to have to start with a game already in progress. Fortunately since Story Mode is basically Arcade mode it didn’t matter in that respect, but it’s the principle of the thing. Furthermore, no effort was put into the modes. There’s no sense of style with the records not being able to be seen.

Overall, Gunpey DS could have been a lot better. The gameplay isn’t bad, but since the rest of the game had no real effort behind it you just can’t be entertained for as long as you would have liked. Even though you can buy this game for a dollar or two it just isn’t worth it. I’m sure you could find a similar game for free on the phone or computer. It just plays a lot like a free to play game, but with even less effort and excitement. Still, I suppose you aren’t liable to forget Gunpey for quite a while since the gameplay is rather unique.

Overall 5/10

The Burning Hills Review

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It’s time to look at an old Wild West film. This is the kind of adventure where the cops are long gone so it’s all up to one hero to save the day. Most modern films like this one can get a little tricky since it easily can become a very mean spirited affair. You see the villains murder a bunch of people and then the lead does the same to them. The films are meant for you to root for this kind of revenge since the villains need to get what’s coming to them, but it just ends up being a vicious cycle. That’s why these films were so much better back in the old days since the encounters didn’t even have to be violent or anything like that. It was just a classic Cops and Robbers game. As such, this film isn’t all that bad, although I still can’t say that it was very good either.

The film starts off with a guy doing some farm work. He’s been warned repeatedly that there are some bad people in the neighborhood who want him to get out. Our confident lead is confident that they won’t hurt him and to prove his point leaves his gun behind. The villains murder him and move on back to town. That’s when Trace walks in and sees what has happened. He vows revenge on the hooligans, but quickly learns that this may be too difficult a task. He is badly outnumbered and gets injured quite a lot. What can he do?

Considering that the town is basically filled with villains there really isn’t much that Trace can do. These old westerns are always a little interesting with all of the unspoken rules going around. Everybody has a gun, but nobody dares take the first shot since the quick draw may be a little too good on the opponent’s side. As a result there are a lot of staredowns and subtle threats. I’ll give Trace some props for being a fairly good shot. That being said, how did the villain not die when he was plugged twice? In a situation like that, this is exactly why you have to fire off multiple shots to make sure that they actually landed. Otherwise you have this kind of issue where the villain comes back for more. Trace was also doing well in that room so he probably could have picked off more of them 1 at a time. Eventually he would run out of bullets or they would get wise to the plan, but it would definitely thin out the ranks.

As it is, he does take an awful long time actually getting to the army base. He has to take frequent breaks and as I mentioned he does spend a great deal of the film being injured. Fortunately for him a girl named Maria is around. She tends to his wounds and decides to aid in his quest since her father was murdered by this guys a long time ago. It is quite personal for her now as you can probably imagine. She does a good job of sticking up for herself throughout the movie and even takes out a gun at one point. Unfortunately she did miss her shot, but the attempt is the important thing. Unfortunately we do get a very forced romance between her and Trace. You could probably feel that romance coming from a mile away. The romance could have been worse of course, but it just could have not been around as well and that would have been even better.

Aside from the main 2, another solid character was the head of the tracking squad. He seemed like a pretty reasonable character. While he is still a villain and lets the others do what they want for the most part, at least he doesn’t actively enjoy the murders like the others. He also doesn’t randomly try to destroy non targets as well. Naturally things don’t work out too well for him. The Indian tracker who was forced to help was also a fun character. He did his job, but at the end of the day he certainly do anything more than that and at the soonest opportunity he was ready to go back into town and mock the villains.

One custom that I’m glad was stopped was branding the horses. I don’t care f the characters believed themselves to be heroes or villains, the branding process seemed rather painful. It’s definitely not something that should have been done and while it may be hard to identify your horse otherwise, you gotta go for a different approach. The film did a good job of making sure most of the horses got away although one injured its leg which was unfortunate. Lets just keep the horses out of these films, they didn’t deserve to get mixed up in a war like this.

Overall, The film plays out this plot by the books. You can probably imagine how it’ll all go down, but it does a fair job of executing this story line. If the villains had been a little better that probably would have helped the movie out. As it stands, Maria’s family was also annoying as how they cowered whenever the villains would show up. There comes a time where you gotta stand up for yourself and these side characters could never quite get that. If you like these old westerns then you should check this film out. It’s fairly interesting.

Overall 5/10