Tag Archives: Retro

Klonoa: Empire of Dreams Stats and Records

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Stats time!

Stage Stats

Vision 1-1 30/30
Vision 1-2 30/30
Vision 1-3 30/30
Vision 1-4 72/100
Vision 1-5 17/30
Vision 1-6 44/100
Vision 1-7 30/30
Vision 2-1 27/30
Vision 2-2 30/30
Vision 2-3 25/30
Vision 2-4 78/100
Vision 2-5 24/30
Vision 2-6 40/100
Vision 2-7 15/30
Vision 3-1 25/30
Vision 3-2 18/30
Vision 3-3 30/30
Vision 3-4 59/100
Vision 3-5 27/30
Vision 3-6 50/100
Vision 3-7 15/30
Vision 4-1 21/30
Vision 4-2 25/30
Vision 4-3 20/30
Vision 4-4 24/100
Vision 4-5 28/30
Vision 4-6 40/100
Vision 4-7 20/30
Vision 5-1 19/30
Vision 5-2 23/30
Vision 5-3 21/30
Vision 5-4 15/100
Vision 5-5 20/30
Vision 5-6 33/100
Vision 5-7 13/30

Mighty No. 9 Review

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It’s time to take a look at the controversial Mega Man homage game. This is also game number 2 from the Christmas batch. It’s definitely a very solid game when we look at pure gameplay, but it could definitely use some work in other aspects. The main culprit here is the level design as some just don’t make a whole lot of sense and are pretty unfair. The game has a habit of not telling you anything either, but I’ll take some very slight blame on that since I guess I could have experimented with the controls a little more. Given that the price crashed so quickly though, it is definitely worth purchasing.

The game follows Beck, The Mighty number 9, one of the last robots who is currently not corrupted. His fellow Mighty numbers have also started running amok and are causing terror in the streets. Doctor Sanda and Doctor White instruct Beck to save the day by defeating the robots and clensing them of the violent bug. It’ll be tough, but Beck is the strongest robot ever created so he should have the edge here. Who is controlling these robots though? Doctor Blackwell is a suspect since he has had many iffy crime dealings in the past, but he is currently in prison. With only one other actual character in the game, that means that we have 2 suspects. Well, lets start taking back the city!

Beck’s a decent lead although it’s hard to say what his personality is. He seems kind of sassy during some brief points, but for most of the game he is basically Mega Man when it comes to personality. He doesn’t like fighting and he’s super heroic to the point where you have to wonder if he’s faking it. He’s a good guy, but there just wasn’t much to him and you would barely even guess that he doesn’t like fighting if Call didn’t mention it a few times. Call is basically the Roll of this game. She gets one level to herself, which is cool since you get to fight as her, but she is given a terrible moveset. Her blasters deal next to 0 damage and she can’t power slide so you have to crawl the old fashioned way. Her level was also one of the very bad ones when it comes to design. She was a good main heroine though and I am glad that she isn’t reluctant to fighting.

All 3 of the doctors are fairly bland. Blackwell is easily the best of the three. He was framed and arrested so maybe the guy isn’t all that bad, but Doctor White certainly doesn’t like him. The game seems to be setting White up to be the villain of a sequel, which would certainly be interesting. White is even hiding the fact that he is related to Blackwell by changing his last name. Blackwell doesn’t like robots, which seems to be how the game is leaning him towards the dark side, but he doesn’t seem like a bad guy yet. The sinister design is probably an indication that he will do something drastic at some point, but he’s certainly no Wily yet. Sanda is the comic relief guy who constantly panics and stutters throughout the whole game. He definitely won’t be turning evil, but I wouldn’t want to see too much more of him. He doesn’t really serve any purpose in the story and is just there to be there.

The Mighty Numbers are fairly decent. They all have different personalities and none of them appear to be all that bad. They’re like the classic robot masters, but the game did a good job of not making them too identical. There is an obvious Proto Man homage, but we definitely did need a rival in the game. All good franchises develop one at some point. He was easily the best one in the game of course. Trinity was also pretty cool though and she is easily one of the stronger bots. I’d expect her to play a major role in the sequel unless they nerf her for some reason. Now that would be a shame.

As I got the PS4 version, it came with the free Ray expansion pack. I’ll definitely play that at some point, but for now that’ll go on the backburner. The character definitely looks cool though and I expect that he’d be a really good antagonist or rival figure. When I play that mode, I’ll upload an update post so that I can discuss it properly. I need to do the same with Shovel Knight at some point although this game certainly feels a little quicker so it would be higher on the list.

Lets talk about the gameplay. The positives are that they worked with the classic Mega Man style and improved it in some ways. Being able to air dodge is a lot of fun. It can be a little sensitive, but nothing too crazy. You may only slip and die a handful of times. I also like how strong the normal Mega Buster is. You’ll rarely want to use anything else, although the missile is certainly a very handy backup weapon. One thing you should know is that pressing on the PS4 touchscreen will let you use a health pack that you may have obtained during the level. If you see a blue icon under your health bar, then that’s what it means. You’ll lose them when you lose a life so use them before you die. I didn’t know about this until I was at the final boss. If I had only known earlier, I could have beaten the game way sooner and the final boss wouldn’t have been so difficult. The game never really mentioned anything about it though and I wasn’t going to surf the tips section until I found something. Again, I won’t blame the game too much, but this was a fairly important detail. You can also do back jumps while shooting by hitting the R2 button and that’s also very useful for the final boss. It only has niche uses though so you won’t be using it all that much.

One area where the gameplay failed is switching between weapons. Why wouldn’t they leave it simple like in the Mega Man games by just hitting L1 and R1 to instantly switch? Instead, that allows you to cycle through and then you have to activate the switch with triangle. It’s too many steps and will likely cause you to get hit once or twice during a boss fight. I also have to take a shot at the level designs. Purple spikes KO you instantly, but some levels have a Mario Maker esque moment where you’ll fall down and just bump into them. There’s no way to know that they’re there so you’ll always lose a life the first time that you encounter this. As the game is pretty short, there aren’t too many of these moments, but the ones that are there will certainly get on your nerves. Some segments have various jumps around the purple spikes and one death can send you pretty far back. Some of the checkpoints simply weren’t placed well.

The graphics are definitely pretty sharp and this is how retro inspired games should look if you ask me. It has the retro side scroller feel to it, but you can still see the updated graphics through the character designs and level layouts. Everything looks pretty smooth and modern, especially the aerial boosts. The game definitely looks quite good and that also helps get you into the game. The actual plot may have been somewhat underwhelming and the graphics never looked good for the cutscenes for some reason, but the actual gameplay visuals were always on point. The soundtrack is also pretty solid. Some of the themes are rather generic, but they are generic futuristic themes, which is still a win for me. The themes go very well with the moderate to fast paced gameplay. There were no “bad” themes in the game, which is always good as well.

There is a good amount of replay value to be found here. Getting that Platinum Trophy will take a very long time since the trophies are very hard. Can you imagine beating the whole game in 30 minutes or completing it on hard without any continues? Those two in particular sound crazy and there are a slew of others that will be just as hard. It would take dozens upon dozens of hours to do this unless there is some kind of save stalling technique that I’m not aware of. It’s certainly possible I suppose, but it would still take quite a while. Getting all S ranks on the normal levels will also be tricky and then you’ve got challenges and online leaderboards to worry about. It’s quite a lot of content so that’s a good thing considering that over 70000 people backed the game and that it got way more money than it ever needed. The controversies surrounding the game were certainly interesting to follow along back in the day.

Overall, Mighty No. 9 is a solid game. The level designs and the plot help to keep it from getting an 8 though. The main story won’t last you all that long either so if you’re not a big fan of the bonus content, then this game wouldn’t really be worth the 30 dollars for you. It currently goes for 10-15 though so that’s a very reasonable price if you ask me. This will also help alleviate the wait til the next Mega Man or Mega Man X game since it seems like it’ll be a very long time before Capcom gives us another one. I don’t get how a company can drop the ball so hard on one of their franchises, but that’s Cashcom for you. So, I definitely recommend this game and it was about what I expected, if not a little better. This is controversial, but I think it’s even better than Shovel Knight so that would make it my top indie game. It’s a little murky as to whether or not it counts anymore I suppose, but given that it was from kickstarter, I think we can still call it that. We’ll see if Shantae can take the crown though. The gameplay is pretty sharp and the plot is much better, but Mighty No 9 does have some advantages like the soundtrack and the graphics. Only time will tell and that review shouldn’t be too far off either!

Overall 7/10

Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders Review

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This was a movie that I definitely had high hopes for. I’ve always been a huge fan of the Adam West depiction of Batman and seeing it come back in movie format was quite the treat. Recently I got to read most of the trade paperbacks for the current Batman’66 comics (I’m behind by a volume now, but that’ll change at some point) and it just reminded me how cool he was. The film does a great job of bringing the characters back with minimal changes although it is also a huge missed opportunity because it breaks away from what made the series great towards the middle. More on that in a bit, but this is still a very good film that I recommend checking out.

The film starts off with business as usual for the daring crime fighters. They foil another plot by Catwoman, Penguin, Riddler, and the Joker. It’s a close fight though since the villains don’t play by the rules and have a lot of henchmen as well. Still, things are going smoothly until Robin notices that Batman is acting a little differently than usual. He’s quoting Frank Miller and using more extreme methods of taking down the villains. It would seem that Batman has now defected to the side of evil so Robin must team up with Catwoman to stop him. Can this unlikely pair defeat Batman or are they doomed before they have even begun?

So, that’s the missed opportunity that I talked about. Batman turning evil takes away from some of the fun because the whole point of what makes Adam West so cool is seeing Batman reprimand everyone and show why he is the perfect citizen. Nothing gets to Batman and he even obeys the smallest laws possible like not walking through a busy intersection. Batman’s antics and great quotes are the best part of the film, but we lose them by the halfway point since he is now evil. It was a risky move and I’m afraid that it did not pay off. As such, the first half of the film is far better than the second. The second half isn’t bad of course, but it is certainly a lot weaker.

I don’t really need to talk about Batman much because you get the memo by now. He’s an awesome hero. As a villain he is fairly interesting as well. The voice actor always does a good job with him and why not? West has a lot of experience voicing the character even though it’s been so many years. Batman may be a little naive and gullible when it comes to Catwoman, but every hero has a weakness of some sort. As far as that goes, this isn’t all that bad.

Robin’s a great sidekick and nice foil to Batman’s character. He’s the guy who always makes the small mistakes so then Batman has to reprimand him. Robin means well though so you can’t really hold it against him. His heart’s in the right place and he also sticks up for Alfred when Batman starts to go over the top. It’s easy to see why Robin’s always been such a fan favorite, this is one of his best depictions. Commissioner Gordon and the Mayor were also fun to have around. They are pretty open about how much they depend on Batman and they do tend to be lost without him. You need a Dark Knight to save the day from even the smallest of crimes when the cops are used to hanging in the background. It backfires a little when Batman turns evil, but at least they took it in stride.

Joker and the gang are also fun. This is the classic Joker that I’ve missed. He isn’t afraid to throw a few punches, but never forgets the one liners. The Riddler may love his riddles, but he does resist the urge to give one to Batman when the plan is fully in motion. Penguin has slightly less character than the others, but he’s a fighter and doesn’t go down easy. As for Catwoman, she mostly uses Batman’s emotions against him to take the upper hand. It’s a viable strategy though and if it works…it works. The 4 villains make for a very potent team and I don’t believe that Two Face will be able to top them in the sequel.

Aunt Harriet is one of those characters that I sort of miss from the old days. She can be super annoying so on one hand it is cool to not have her around anymore. On the other hand, it was interesting to have someone on the inside who was always trying to figure out Batman’s true identity. She really came close many times so I think it’s safe to say that she is a great security risk. One of the best scenes was when Batman arrived in the nick of time to prevent her from picking up the red phone. It did cost Alfred quite dearly, but he really shouldn’t have allowed her to get anywhere near that room. Surely Batman should have had some better defenses in place as well. The characters should all share the blame on that one. Aunt Harriet is certainly persistent with how she constantly goes after Batman and Robin.

There are a lot of stand out moments in this film. Again, the voice acting is excellent and so is the writing. This makes for a lot of really good scenes and Batman is excellent at sarcasm. The brief period where he is still a hero, but a slightly meaner one is also handled well. He’s grumpy, but still reasonable. I would have been more satisfied with the plot if he had stayed at that level instead of becoming totally corrupt. His “Frank Miller” fight scene against the villains was also pretty fun. You can’t help, but feel bad for them by the end of it though. They’re just not used to this level of violence from the normally polite and mild mannered Batman.

The animation is pretty sharp, yet familiar. The designs transition into animation very smoothly. The movie doesn’t get to show off its animation all that much, but it’s crisp enough where you can tell that it is good anyway. This movie’s audio is also quite good with the classic Adam West theme popping up and a lot of other retro tunes that you will associate with this era of comics. It helps to complete the package as a great retro event.

Overall, Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders is a return to greatness. While the second half weakens it a bit, the film just barely manages to cling to its high score. I have been less than thrilled with a lot of the recent DC films so this was a really nice change of pace. I do think that it was an improvement over the first Batman Unlimited film as well. I’m definitely glad to hear that there is already a sequel in development. This could potentially be a nice long movie series if DC plays their cards right. If you’ve never seen the Adam West show before then I super highly recommend this. You’ll be in for quite the surprise when you see this depiction of Batman. It’s very unique and like nothing that you will have ever seen before. Even if you don’t really follow comics, I recommend checking this film out for the strong dialogue and good technical qualities throughout. If the sequel plays it straight through and through, prepare for an even greater film next time. I have really high hopes for that one so I’m hoping that it can deliver!

Overall 8/10

The Monolith Monsters Review

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It’s time for a really old monster film, but a fairly unique one. What if you could make a Monster film without a monster? In a sense, the film uses the term monster not as its literal definition of a monster, but as something large and scary. While I can understand how not having an actual monster can be a deterrent, I actually found the film to be pretty fun. For the most part, it handled everything well and didn’t make any typical movie mistakes. It’s a solid film that has withstood the test of time.

Dave is shocked to find out that one of his pals has been turned to stone. The only suspect is a rock that the guy has been researching. Arthur, an expert on all things, believes that the rock is actually part of a meteor. The heroes find out that these rocks grow with water and continue to get larger and larger. Since soil has water in it and the area keeps getting hit by large thunderstorms, the crystals are growing very quickly. They will cover the whole country if something isn’t done. Still…what can the humans do?

Dave’s a pretty decent main character for the most part. He’s very no nonsense and is always trying to think up a plan. He was a little short with the weather guy, but he doesn’t panic too much at least. The film depicts him as the average joe and is pretty successful at it. Dave is pretty generic and you could interchange him with any other lead and you wouldn’t know the difference. It’s not necessarily a bad thing though as he is basically just the classic 1950’s lead that usually turns out to be a solid character. Arthur is probably the best character in the film as he always knows what is going on and gives a lot of good advice. Dave would have been stumped without him. Martin was a decent newspaper man. He spend a little more time whining than doing anything else, but when it was crunch time he came through. I don’t see how he could get bored writing a newspaper though. There’s always something to write about even if nothing is happening. Cathy is the main heroine of this tale and she’s all right. Cathy doesn’t get much of a role beyond worrying about the kid who was infected by the crystals, but that also means that she didn’t really make any mistakes either.

There are some logical questions with the film’s plot though. For starters, how exactly are the people turned to stone? They mention that the rocks drain a certain material out of people, which is what causes this, but that still leaves some questions. As we saw from an old lady, her arm was turned to stone from contact with the rock. The little girl’s contact led her to be almost completely petrified and the guy from the start was totally affected. Are we meant to believe that he was completely touched by the rocks? Because when we saw the guy, he was totally by himself and in a position that wouldn’t be natural to have stopped in unless it happened instantly like a flash freeze. I don’t think the film knew what was going on with this part.

The film does use a lot of stock footage for the Monoliths falling over so prepare yourself for that. They just keep on falling and falling with nobody to stop them. It’s hard to take it seriously as a threat and the final solution of dumping a lot of salt and water on them seems sketchy at best, but when dealing with such a random threat, you have to think outside the box. It is lucky that their governor was so reasonable though since Dave took matters into his own hand. Things could have certainly gotten very ugly for his future prospects.

This isn’t really a mistake by the film so much as a scene that was very interpretable. When the girl was first attacked by the Monoliths, I thought that they were going to mind control her so they could make some demands. The film opted to go a different way and so the Monoliths never got sentient, but the way the girl was glaring at everyone seemed to be like the film may have thought about going another way at first. I suppose it may have been my imagination though.

The film does make one mistake and that’s the fact that a dog dies due to the crystals spreading. The film didn’t have enough of a budget to make the dog look realistic which sounds good to me, but it’s still a moment of pointless animal violence. The film didn’t need that and it was a rather low blow. It’s like every film wants to force a scene like that inside of it and there’s no reason to. The shock value isn’t worth it!

Overall, The Monolith Monsters was a fun enough film. The classic 50’s writing ensured that all of the characters were pretty intense and that the dialogue was engaging from start to finish. The pacing was pretty good and the film should be able to grab your attention. Maybe not as a monster film, but just as a well written movie. Some of the townsfolk could be a little unreasonable and one guy being frantic to run off as soon as possible when his wife was still waiting to be un-petrified came across as a little unsympathetic. With all of these characters panicking left and right, it’s good that we had the police chief. He kept on trying to get in Dave’s way until he eventually just lost out. I appreciated the effort though. If you’re looking for a different kind of monster film, then check this out out. Even if you just want a fun slice of life film with a little tension, this could be the right film for you.

Overall 7/10

Man Made Monster Review

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It’s time for another old film. The Man Made Monster is interesting because it takes your usual creature feature transformation film and throws in a little electricity to make it unique. It works well enough to be sure, but at the same time, the main character is extremely unrealistic. He even brings the film down to an extent because of how annoying he is. It’s a decent film I suppose, but it makes its share of errors along the way.

Dan the man was an ordinary guy until one day he he survived an intense electrical crash. Paul realizes that this could be the breakthrough that he had been waiting for so he could create his army of thunder zombies. He convinces Dan to come for the experiments and he would be providing a home in the meantime. Dan agrees because the older scientist is a fairly nice guy and technically, it’s his house. Unfortunately, the doctor isn’t very smart so Paul is able to zap Dan with increasing doses until Dan starts to slow down. He then becomes a thunder monster and can no longer reason….a perfect zombie slave for Paul. Can the cops stop this? Can Dan fight for himself? These are the questions that you will be asking.

Lets talk about why Dan is so annoying. You can’t blame him for taking advantage of the free lodging for taking part in the experiments. It sounds like a good plan and it’s not as if they will zap him with a lot of electricity. However, once Dan noticed that he was starting to get weaker he definitely should have said something. Instead, he kept on going for the treatments and getting slower and slower. By the end, he had gotten addicted to the electricity so he needed the shocks even though they were hurting him. He couldn’t really move and had to be helped there. It cost him his life since he would now be a slave. Once he got his thunder powers, he was then forced to go on a murder spree. Even once he regained parts of his mind, he couldn’t convince people not to grab him. A guy would tap him on the shoulder and die instantly since Dan was now made of electricity.

You feel bad for Dan of course, but he really created this situation himself to a large extent. He really should have tried a lot harder to explain what was happening or just leave in the middle of the night. He never stood up for himself and that’s why the character was annoying. At least he still has the same catchy voice though. The characters that the actor plays all talk and act in roughly the same way. It just turns out that his personality worked against him this time.

The actual plan that Paul had was also rather suspect. Does he really think that he’ll be getting a zombie army any time soon? He’d have to kidnap a whole bunch of people and he never really learned what made Dan immune to thunder in the first place. I don’t think the plan would have panned out at all, but I suppose I’ll give him an A for effort. He’s just not a likable villain though and if the characters weren’t so gullible, they could have stopped him already. It’s why you should never trust your lab assistant or go away on long vacations when you have a guest. It just doesn’t pan out well.

I have to give the film some credit for not doing anything to hurt the dog. I was worried that he would get zapped or something, but luckily that did not happen. He just started to avoid Dan once he sensed the thunder and that’s definitely the wise thing to do. It’s a little sad for the dog since he lost his play mate, but he’ll be able to find someone else to play with him eventually.

As for the other characters, I can’t say that June was very good. She was the main heroine who endured flirting for a while before relenting and deciding to go with a reporter. She suspects that Dan is in trouble for most of the film, but she ever acts on it. She even lets the Doctor know and he just claims that Dan must be tired. By the time she decides to make a move, it is already too late. Again, it’s rather sad for Dan. All of the obvious signs were present, but nobody connected the dots. The reporter was all right I suppose, but he did start flirting awful quickly. He needs to focus on getting all of the facts first.

When it comes to the climax, Man Made Monster does a good job. The villagers don’t look too smart though as one of them tries to hit Dan. Lets just say that it is a shocking experience for him. Get it? Shocking? Hahahaha…..ha. Dan also lasts quite a while considering that he supposedly only had a very limited amount of time left in him. It’s a rather sad fate as well since he knows that once the electricity runs out, he will die. Not that he had much of a mind left anyway. It was interesting seeing him survive the electric chair as well. It certainly wouldn’t have any effect on a guy who is immune to electricity. If it did, then that would have been pretty underwhelming. It’s also good that he survived since seeing an innocent man die in the chair would have been pretty grim.

Overall, Man Made Monster is a decent film. There are a lot of times where you will need to stretch your disbelief though. Everyone should have noticed what was happening to Dan. Dan should have taken steps to end things on his own as well. Those parts make the film annoying. On the other side of the spectrum, the writing is fairly solid. The characters are reasonable and the thunder form is pretty neat. While the film is never insanely captivating, it never gets very boring either. It’s just an entertaining film that you’ll watch. You won’t be looking at your watch or anything like that so that’s a success. If you haven’t watched a lot of old monster films, then this one is a good place as any to start. It hits enough of the right notes by the end.

Overall 6/10

Frankenstein Review

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It’s time for an even older film. Frankenstein is a monster who grew very popular and actually has a lot of fans. Just look at how many films this guy has. It’s quite unbelievable since I’m not a fan of the series by any stretch of the imagination and it’s hard to see how any movie of it could ever be good. I dunno, it just doesn’t have much potential. This one isn’t that bad for most of the film, but it is very boring. There is also one scene which destroys the film and it couldn’t recover from that.

By now, you know the story. Doctor Frankenstein decides to build a monster. Elizabeth, Victor, and a nice old Professor decide to visit Frankenstein to tell him to stop this foolishness. Surprise surprise, he decides to go ahead with the experiment anyway. Frankenstein’s monster is born and now he wants to destroy everyone all around the world. Welllllll, that may not be his total goal, but effectively it is what he is doing. Can the villagers tale this guy down before he harms anyone else?

The monster is supposed to be a sympathetic character typically because everyone treats him really badly and he can do nothing right. The problem here is that this is impossible to do. He murders a little girl and well….you can’t come back from that. The film couldn’t come back from it either. It was a really dark scene that had no place in the film. If she had swam out after he left or been rescued, then it would be fine. Drowning just like that? Nah, that scene was terrible.

Even beyond that, the monster’s just never been an interesting character. He basically invented the strong, but not very smart trope. Not that the other characters were much better. Frankenstein’s the one who caused this whole mishap in the first place. He shouldn’t have tried to build Frankenstein and create life. It was never going to work. The other Doctor doesn’t do much of anything and ends up being more of an observer than anything else. Victor talks tough and tries to stand on even ground with Frankenstein, but when he is told to sit down…he obeys. Elizabeth tries to reason with Frankenstein the whole time, but it is ultimately futile. She never really had an effect on him so there bond wasn’t really all that strong. He would have left them out in the rain if they hadn’t forced the issue by knocking over and over again.

One other issue with the film is that it’s just very boring. The scenes drag on and on and on despite the film being fairly short. By the second half, you’ll start to wonder just what happened. The first half isn’t all that bad. The characters go to the creepy tower. There are some debates. Frankenstein is revived. After that? The film just loses all direction as the monster goes around getting burned by old, blind people and attacks others for no real reason. It’s supposed to be humorous to see Frankenstein get burned and I suppose it was handled better than some of the other plots, but it still wasn’t all that good.

There’s not much more to say about this film because it is the same old Frankenstein story that you have seen a million times. It is the original though so I suppose it isn’t totally fair to call it old. One thing that could have helped the film a little bit would have been to have the monster talk. If he could actually exchange dialogue with the others, then it would at least make the film more interesting. After all, the writing during this time was solid enough where even Frankenstein would have sounded distinguished. It may have been a little tough to swallow, but it beats the alternative. It does make you wonder what would have happened if the proper brain had been given to the monster. I suppose the film would have been more of a slice of life at that point though so it may be moot.

If I have to name one positive thing about the film, it’s that it ages well. At least as far as the effects and cinematography go. It came out before the Wax Museum and yet it definitely looks newer and more polished. That may be more of a shot against the Wax Museum though. Hmmm…even my complements for Frankenstein turn into negatives. What can I say, the concept of Frankenstein is just terrible in my opinion and I don’t see how anyone could turn it into an engaging film without completely rewriting the plot. It just cannot be done I’m afraid. Even Dracula is more engaging as a film and as a character. Just conceptually, I’d rank the popular monsters from best to worst as: Dracula>>Mummy>>Werewolf>>Frankenstein. The Werewolf is close though as that plot isn’t very interesting either. There just isn’t much to it. A guy turning into a monster that looks like a human? Seriously…

Overall, Frankenstein is a more tasteful film than the last Frankenstein adventure that I saw, but not by much. Seriously, the little girl scene leaves a bad taste in your mouth and easily takes off 2-3 stars by itself. I don’t see any reason why you should want to watch this film either as it will just bore you out of your mind. By the end you aren’t even sure who to root for. The angry villagers, the Monster, Frankenstein…or nobody. Regardless, you’ll endure the climax, but I’m sure that the TV will be shut off almost immediately afterwards. If you want to see a good Frankenstein film, then I recommend I Frankenstein. To this day, it’s the only good Frankenstein film. I don’t count films where he just happens to appear as a few more would join the list then. I Frankenstein is a very loose adaption of the mythos, but that’s part of why it is good. Trust me, you can’t go wrong there.

Overall 1/10

Black Friday Review

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It’s time for a retro film. It feels like it’s been a while since I reviewed an oldie, but I suppose it hasn’t been all that long. This film’s a fun take on the whole mind switch concept and you can think of it as being similar to Frankenstein. It’s done a whole lot better than Frankenstein ever was though and the characters are actually pretty likable and endearing except for one guy who goes off the deep end.

The plot involves Ernest, a scientist. He is a genius whose only real friend dies in a car crash one day. To save his life, Ernest decides to do an experimental brain transplant. It’s a success, but the problem is that George (The friend) now has a split personality. He’ll be George one minute and then he’ll be Red Cannon, the gangster. Ernest could help George’s personality pull through, but he really wants to be rich and everyone knows that Red Cannon buried 500 million dollars somewhere in the city. Ernest will have that money and then he’ll save George. Can he really have his cake and eat it too or is something sinister about to happen?

As you can expect, Ernest is the character that I don’t care for. At first, his motives were good. He went pretty far to save his friend and his gamble paid off. Unfortunately, his desire for fame and glory corroded him. It was even a bit cheesy at one point as Red Cannon was afraid of Ernest. I find that hard to believe since he was such a hardened gangster. Ernest doesn’t get away with it which is good, but he put everyone in a sticky situation. He’s certainly not a team player.

On the other hand, George is a solid character. He constantly reminds everyone that he is a Professor of English Literature and that’s why he has a hard time dealing with all of the gangster drama. He’s a very polite guy who simply made the mistake of trusting his old friend. Even when a side effect of the serum caused George to be a little cranky, he was always ready to apologize for it. George is a real stand up guy and that’s why I’m glad that he got a good ending. He didn’t ask for any of this and did the best that he could to see to it that everything went all right. He even gave the Cab driver a huge tip, which was pretty neat.

Red Cannon was an okay gangster, but as I mentioned earlier, he did get scared by Ernest. I’m not really sure how I can take him seriously after that. He did a good job of beating up most of the guys who had betrayed him though. Messing with the boss is definitely not a good move. I mean, he was dead so they won…….lets ignore that for now. The gangsters were fairly confident and since they had Red Cannon’s girlfriend on their side, how could they lose? She actually did trick Red Cannon a few times though so he’s got a ways to go when it comes to running a gang biz. That’s why you’re not supposed to mix work and romance, it makes things risky. I did have to chuckle at the fact that the gangsters were forced to hide in a closet as a last resort. That normally shouldn’t buy you a whole lot of time. Leaving the secret beer cabinet open as well is another critical mistake.

The unsung hero here has to be the cab driver. He’s the kind of guy who wasn’t going to let Red Cannon walk all over him. I like how he calmly walked up to the cops and saw to it that justice was served. Red Cannon was gone by then of course, but it’s the thought that counts. The students were also pretty nice as they helped George out and even when he randomly shape shifted, they took it in stride. They were certainly pretty accepting of the whole thing, despite how strange it all was.

Aside from that, the rest of the film was also pretty realistic. Even the energy drain since George should definitely be tired from living two lives. That’s a lot of exercise for a rather old fellow. The writing was very good from start to finish as well. It had that dignified feel that you really can’t find in a more modern adventure. Not to mention that it’s what helped make George a good character. Bad writing would have made him cheesy or just fake while he felt like a real likable fellow this time.

The fight scenes were also solid. They did a good job of showing why Red Cannon was so feared throughout the land while not going overboard and making the minions look weak. After all, they did keep the gang running well after his death so they had to be at least a little competent right? The film is rather short so the pacing stays quick throughout the adventure. The only slow parts is when Ernest is trying to turn George back into Red Cannon by taking him around town, but it’s more screen time for George so that is always a good thing.

Overall, Black Friday is a film that I can recommend wholeheartedly. All of the characters are either likable or written well as villains. The fight scenes are good and the plot is engaging. Even the secondary characters like the Bellhop are fun to have around. It shows why you should always be skeptical when you’re given a life saving medicine or start to feel tired for no reason. On the other hand, it reminds you that you can always suppress any foreign minds that try to inhabit your body. You may not become a shape shifter, but that’s fine. The film blends together a nice mix of humor and seriousness. There’s really nothing negative to say about the film and the only thing keeping it from being an 8 is just not having enough content to quite get up that high. It’s a solid all around film otherwise.

Overall 7/10

Cat People Review

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It’s time for an old school horror film. The Cat People is one of those films that makes you shake your head. It was pretty good for about 90% of the film and then drops off the mountain in the closing scenes. It was so close to being a good film, but just couldn’t hang in there. It’s like they say about entering competitions. It’s not about how you start, but how you finish. It may not seem fair, but a bad 10 minutes can completely nullify a good 60 minutes. Negative moments have always had more influence than positive ones because they will just stick in your mind. That’s basically what happens here.

The film follows a lady named Irena who is approached by the flirty Oliver. Clearly this guy isn’t shallow despite going on the offensive immediately so Irena drops what she is doing and the two of them become a couple. The one problem is that Irena comes from the clan of Cat People and she is cursed with the ability to turn into a cat whenever things get past the friend zone. Oliver doesn’t buy this and slowly gets fed up with Irena. He decides to quickly get a new girlfriend before actually breaking up with Irena. He then lets her know about this after she goes through the long ordeal or curing herself. Well…it’s time for revenge!

Irena is actually a pretty good main character. She successfully fights off her impulse to destroy Alice the whole time and also prevents herself from going into the cage where the Black Panther was. She was doing it all to cure herself and become a normal person, but being back stabbed at the last second was the final straw. It was a shame, but now this forced Irena’s hand. The final bit gets rather crazy as she basically destroys herself and then the cat that she freed also dies as it is run over. The ending will just have you shaking your head. What happened to the writers?

Well, the film definitely makes Oliver as unlikable as possible. I wonder if it was intentional though because it doesn’t necessarily feel like it was, but you can’t really tell sometimes. Well, the intent doesn’t matter so much in the end though. You’re rooting for Irena to get him, but this just doesn’t happen. Oliver is too crafty and Irena is too nice for her own good. Alice certainly isn’t any good either. She goes after Oliver the whole time despite knowing that he is taken. She essentially tempts him into making the wrong call. He’s just as guilty as she is, but it doesn’t make either one of them likable in the slightest.

Judd is the psychologist who tries to cure Irena. At first he was a likable enough character. He knew what he was doing and wasn’t handling the situation all that badly. Unfortunately, he decides to go mad with power after that and decided that he wanted Irena all to himself. It doesn’t end well for him, but the whole plot was rather pointless and certainly didn’t need to be included. It’s just another moment where you have to wonder where the film was going with this.

The scenes with Irena as a cat were cool. She did a good job of really putting the fear into Alice and again, I have to give her credit for not finishing the job. Instead, she merely settled for intimidating Alice and subtly hinting what would happen if she didn’t stop playing games with Oliver. Alice ignored this in the end, but Irena still didn’t destroy her. By the end, Irena was certainly willing to, but chose to simply end it all instead of going for revenge. It’s a decision that is incredibly rare for this kind of film.

Unfortunately, we had to have that animal violence towards the end. Having the cat get run over was just pointless and I don’t think that Irena needed to have such a sad ending. Couldn’t the film have just had her go back to her village or just roamed the forest on her own? It would have been more satisfying and not quite as grim. The whole rushed plot with Judd also didn’t do any wonders for the movie. Such a shame, if the film had run its course without any of that nonsense, it could have definitely gotten a 6 or maybe even a 7 depending on what the alternate ending would have been. Still, what ifs and could haves don’t ultimately mean much. Also, another scene of animal violence had a bird die either of shock or Irena’s hands were too much like a cat’s and pricked the bird. Either way, it was another sad moment which really stopped the film’s chances of being good.

While this is sort of a creature feature film, it’s played more seriously than titles like Creature From The Black Lagoon and the old Showa Godzilla films. I think it did try its best to be a horror film. The scene where Irena stalks Alice through the shadows and Irena barely makes it to the Bus Stop is definitely a horror moment. The music cuts away and it gets eerily quiet as she slowly starts to run instead of walk. There’s a lot of tension in the air and the scene was definitely handled well. It was a fun moment and again, I thought that Alice was going to die there. The whole film’s approach would have been different had that occurred as Irena would have likely just taken everyone out. Of course, then it’d just be a generic slasher film and it probably would have been even worse.

Overall, The Cat People is a film that had promise and handled itself pretty well for a while, but then it fell down. It’s still a lot more classy than most other horror titles. Unfortunately, the film simply couldn’t keep it up and Oliver really did his best to put himself in a bad position. The ending really prevents me from recommending this film and you should probably just watch an old Scooby Doo film instead. Those films typically have good endings and you’ll still get your share of scares in the meantime. You won’t have to think about lost possibilities either or wonder why Oliver got to have a happy ending despite being such a mean character the whole time. Also, why did a lady from the lost village show up if she was just going to vanish and never appear again? She was definitely real since everyone saw her. Maybe she traveled all the way to the big city just to mock Irena. I guess I wouldn’t put it past her.

Overall 3/10

D.O.A. Review

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I know you all may have thought that I was reviewing Dead or Alive for a second there, but I can safely say that this one is actually a quality film instead. It’s one of those fun mystery titles from the good ole days that you can’t really do anymore. If this film was done nowadays instead of in the past, it would be a full on thriller with big gun fights and high speed chases. Those are always exciting of course, but sometimes it’s nice to have a more down to Earth, realistic (In a good way for once) mystery where you can try to connect the dots on your own. The main character’s unlikable, but the rest of the cast is solid and the writing is on point.

The main character is Frank Bigelow. He works the average 9-5 job and he is sick of it! He needs a way out and not just because of work, but he wants to get away from his girlfriend to play the bachelor game one more time. He wants to see if he can get a new girlfriend, but if not, then he’ll come home. It’s a rather suspect motive and what is possibly even worse is that Paula (His girlfriend) gives him the okay. Frank basically tells her that he is going to go and cheat on her and she doesn’t care enough to break up with him. Frank heads out on his journey and flirts with everyone, but it seems like everyone is either already taken or is in a gang. Poor Frank. As I tried to take out the smallest violin I could find to play a tune on, Frank went to the bar and quickly downed a poison beer. No wonder it had such a kick that he had to put the cup down after a single sip…only to pick it up and drink some more. Frank now only has a few days to live, but in the mean time he has to figure out who poisoned him.

The film is really trying to punch you in the gut with how this is all due to karma. Frank ignored a dying man’s last request because he was busy flirting and so he was unable to stop the murder plot. As a result, Frank is now dead before the film has even truly begun and he also got another man killed in the process. It’s not a spoiler that Frank is dead by the way as the film literally starts out with him walking into the police headquarters as he tries to report his own murder. Surprisingly, the cops aren’t surprised and take this in stride as they declare that they’ve been waiting for Frank. It’s good to see that the cops brought their A game right off the bat.

As I mentioned earlier, the writing is pretty solid. All of the characters sound competent and intelligent. There is a lot of witty dialogue between the characters and they all stay polite while still being aggressive. It’s a very delicate balance that has been lost on modern speakers. The film is fairly short, but a lot of action happens in the meantime. The beginning starts off rather mild, but then things begin to accelerate until the film is off and running in the second half.

While I don’t like Frank at all, I do like how he handles part of the situation. One by one, he goes to the apartments of all the villains and threatens them all with the classic Passive Aggressive way of speaking. He gets the last line against all of them and comes across as a guy who has been around the block a few times. His overconfidence does get to him in the end though just as it typically does to Bogart in his classic films. The villains end up beating him up a few times and getting him into sticky situations. You could argue that some of the drama is lost since you know that he has to survive all of this to get to the police station, but it’s still pretty fun to see him connecting the dots.

Frank also does let the fact that he is new at this get to him a few times. Walking into a villain base after threatening them earlier in the day is probably not a good move. At the very least, Frank should have brought a weapon. It was a pretty sad moment for him. One of the partners involved in this huge conspiracy also wasn’t that smart as he couldn’t help but ask the main villain for a beer. I guess he didn’t think that the villain would try to spike it? He’s just lucky that the villain didn’t do anything about it and he just let the guy walk back home. Otherwise it would have been curtains for him.

It’s a complete thriller and the mystery was really well thought out. If anything, you’ll have a hard time keeping track of everything that is happening since there are so many suspects and a few of them look very similar. Most of the suspects are also introduced back to back to back so getting all of them straight is very difficult. This is definitely a film that its good for parties or gatherings though as everyone can try to lay out their theory and at the end see who is right. The trick is that you have to do it at the right time though. You have to make sure that you’ve seen the suspects first, but you also can’t wait too long or the ending will start to be obvious. It’s a delicate balance, but one that can work out.

Overall, I definitely recommend D.O.A. Frank is annoying and you won’t be able to sympathize with him at all, but he could certainly be a whole lot worse. As this is an old film, they handle his character as well as they can considering the circumstances. The film is over in a flash and never drags on. The mystery is solid and you will have a tough time trying to guess who the culprit is ahead of time. There are a lot of twists and turns here so hang on tight and prepare for the ride. I really need to come up with a top 10 mystery films at some point. This one may just make it, but granted, I have seen a lot of good mysteries over the years.

Overall 7/10

X: The Man with the X Ray Eyes Review

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Wait a minute, this film has almost a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes? Mind blown! Anyway, this is a Roger Corman film, so you can probably guess that it is basically rubbish. It’s the kind of film that forces you to take a step back and think about how this guy has somehow had a steady film career. Surely there are better writers somewhere…right? Ah well, at least the concept here is fairly interesting, even if it cannot ultimately save the film.

We have a guy named Xavier. He wants to use eye drops to improve sight and ultimately make the world a better place. Unfortunately, he decides to test it out on animals and they don’t last very long as a result. Not realizing just how deplorable this is, Xavier decides to do it to himself next. The problem is that the drops work too well and have many side effects. They make him more violent and unreasonable and have an addicting effect as well. Throw in the fact that he can see through people and is likely blasting them with radiation and you have a very confused main character. His only hope now is to become a mystical doctor, but can he really pull this off or is he toast?

Whenever a character is roasted and toasted, you know that it’s going to be a long day. Unfortunately, I can’t even give the film that much credit because there is no witty dialogue to be found here. The film opens up with a very long scene of an eyeball in a jar of blood. It’s a very gross and disturbing way to start the film, but it helped set the stage for the rest of the film. While it may be old, The Man with the X Ray Eyes still tries to be violent for extra edge. The other big moment that is guilty of this is the very ending. I don’t think anyone cares about spoilers, but skip this paragraph if you don’t want to know the ending. Well, it turns out that Xavier gets so desperate that he rips his eyes out. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that it had any real effect and things will just get even worse for him. He began to see cosmic energy and the beginning of time so maybe he was just too far gone by that point.

It was definitely intriguing to have Xavier run into a church for that moment though. To his credit, the Pastor took it all in stride, but he seemed rather unhinged. He had already been yelling quite passionately and told Xavier that what he was seeing was the Devil. It’s a fairly bold claim since this pastor had absolutely no way to know anything that was going on, but he was on a role I suppose and Xavier took the words to heart. “If Thine Eye offends thee, Pluck it out!” While that quote can certainly be used literally, it’s definitely more of a figurative thing. Whatever is causing you to sin is something that you have to remove from your life. Whether it be a hobby, action, or an influence. I suppose that getting rid of a part of your body is a rather extreme way to solve that problem, but given that your body is special a created just for you, I would highly advise against taking Xavier’s route. At least it worked for the shock value I guess….

Either way, Xavier wasn’t likable from the start. He went crazy rather quickly and very quickly began to abuse his powers once he found that he could see through people. Xavier even murdered his partner because the he had a mild disagreement with the guy. The situation just kept getting more and more unsympathetic for the main lead. I suppose the gig that he got for being a mystic was a constructive way to use his powers, but it definitely seems rather limited. Sure, he can see what is wrong with a patient, but that can only help so much. I liked his business partner though as the guy figured Xavier’s past out and was very quick to bring out the blackmail card. I wasn’t expecting anything less from such a shady fellow. It does make the cops look rather bad though since they had no idea where to even begin looking for Xavier.

It’s a short film so there is not a whole lot of other content to discuss here. The film doesn’t really have a soundtrack and I can’t say much for the visuals. I suppose that they were almost okay for its time, but as it is, Corman is not exactly known for his high budget in these films. There were a few supporting characters like the business partner, the original partner, and the main heroine. Their roles are very small though with the heroine’s biggest moment being when she found the main character. Beyond that, they were all just bystanders who couldn’t do much to stop or help Xavier. The guy was on his own.

Overall, You should watch this film as a cautionary tale on why you shouldn’t overdose. The problems here would not have happened if Xavier hadn’t put a whole bottle into his eyes instead of the prescribed 2-4 drops. He just got super greedy and it led to his downfall. That being said, don’t think for a second that I actually recommend this film. You should stay far away from this title and I could recommend a few dozen other films that are much better than this one. The whole film is just rather depressing and dull. Nothing really happens and nothing good happens either. You’re essentially watching a film that lacks purpose and motivation. The characters are certainly not likable and the sketchy beginning and ending don’t help matters either. This film beats the Bucket of Blood, but loses to the Pet Shop of Horrors. Well, at least this film didn’t obtain the really elusive 0.

Overall 1/10