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The Devil’s Rain Review

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Now it’s time for a film that definitely never made the transition into being a good movie. In fact, you had a sneaking suspicion that this was going to be awful as early on as when the opening credits played. That was definitely the first sign that things just weren’t right here. The movie never recovers from that and just goes into shock value moments in every other scene. This is one title you’ll want to avoid.

The movie starts with Corbis launching the opening strike on the Preston family. He desperately wants a book that they have and figures he will attack and kidnap them until they give in. Once he murders Mark’s father it is time for the lead to fight. Or at least you hope so but that doesn’t exactly happen here. Mark gets wrecked so then his brother Tom heads in to stop this guy. Can anyone succeed or will this group of nuts end up defeating everybody?

There’s definitely a ton wrong with this film so it’s almost hard to know where to start. I guess the first main thing here is the opening credits are really drawn out right from the jump. It’s all very dark and dramatic as you see a bunch of disturbing images that set the unfortunate tone of the movie. This is a film where the demons will really be getting a lot of undeserved wins and the humans don’t make it any easier on them at all. If anything they tend to come unprepared.

One of the opening scenes has the father showing up just to get melted down into parts. The effects are impressive considering how old this is which is at least one thing I can say for the scene. Unfortunately the movie is only just starting its descent into madness. Mark initially has the right idea since he shows up to Corbis’ place with his gun. Now there’s a few things he could have done to end the movie. One would have been to shoot Corbis right from the start. Sure the villain acted like it wouldn’t do much but later on we see that it is quite effective on these guys so taking the shot would have really been the right move to make. I don’t think there’s even a question about that.

Instead Mark challenges him to a battle of faith but the main mistake here is actually expecting the guy to play fair. Walking into this crazy parody of a church where he will be surrounded by other villains is not a good move. By this point it’s going to be way harder to actually get out. Even with a gun you aren’t invincible if there are enough people around so you shouldn’t be testing your luck like that. It will inevitably backfire and just put you in harm’s way.

There’s also one scene right before this one where he decides to have a cup of water. Why even take that risk here? Well, he finds that it’s bitter and….then keeps drinking anyway. There wasn’t any logic in that scene and the whole confrontation with Corbis wasn’t written nearly as well as it could have been. Once Mark is captured then you have to sit through a ton of drawn out scenes as they break him physically and mentally. He definitely got a really raw deal here.

Then you have Tom who shows up to become the true main character and I can’t say that he was great either. At least he tries to call in the sheriff but naturally the guy doesn’t believe that there is a threat so Tom has to go in with his wife. Unfortunately they weren’t super prepared for this and don’t fare so well against the ghouls. There’s also a research guy who is with them and at least knows enough to say they should break the jar but even then he isn’t fast enough to do it himself. Nice idea but you should probably drop it before you say you are going to do that.

As for Corbis, well the guy is crazy evil but there’s not much more to him than that. He’s effectively the personification of the Devil or at least one of his higher ranked minions and even gets to show off his beast form. The film wasn’t afraid to throw in some extra effects and all but it’s just squandered on a film like tis. The whole movie is very dreary the whole time. I don’t think there was a single happy scene in the entire film which is really crazy to think about.

You know that the heroes don’t stand a chance from the start and the villain are really toying with them. From what we see here there is no reason they couldn’t have just stormed the house to grab the book and murder everyone. In a way they probably just enjoyed picking them off one at a time. It was rather easy for them to seemingly take over the whole town and the rest of the family too. You have to wonder how nobody noticed that people were vanishing like this. The Sheriff clearly didn’t know this was going on so maybe the members were taken from different areas or something? It’s too bad because maybe he could have helped out. For all their tough talk, the villains were not bullet proof so you should be able to just keep blasting them until they’re dead.

Overall, The Devil’s Rain is just as bad as you would expect from the poster. If you had not seen the poster you would figure this out almost immediately either way though once the credits start playing. It’s the kind of movie where there just doesn’t seem to be any point to it. It’s trying to be as dark and disturbing as possible but to what end? The film shows you that the whole area has descended into being evil and you can only delay the inevitable by trying to run. It’s not like a suspenseful horror either where you get engaged with the struggle. The whole film has an odd vibe where it’s all like an abandoned ghost town where there is no backup for miles but that also means no real lore of backstory from the side characters. Just the basic demon stuff. The heroes weren’t smart either and I still can’t forget the scene of just drinking out of the evil water there. Didn’t make any sense when you’re here to fight off a murderer. Why risk drinking at all? Just get the job done and then head back home. Either way the movie’s biggest flaw aside from being awful is that there weren’t any good scenes here. There weren’t any moments that would make you think “This was hype” at all. Hopefully there will be no remake or reboot for this and we can just let this one be forgotten.

Overall 0/10

Neferpitou vs Wonder Woman

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Suggested by mmx14 Wonder Woman is a very powerful fighter who has solid speed and power stats but in this case that will not be enough. Neferpitou is just too much of a savage fighter and the nen abilities at play here will throw Wonder Woman for a loop. Ultimately her combat skills would not be enough to get past Pitou’s defenses and it’s fair to say that Pitou’s reaction times may be even better than WW’s. Neferpitou wins.

High Sierra Review

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High Sierra is a film about a criminal who takes his journey to its logical conclusion. From the start you have a general feeling for how this will play out. The main character is an unrepentant criminal who has stayed in the game for too long. At this point your criminal career doesn’t tend to end until death so he just keeps on going until he can’t anymore. I thought the movie was good but the particularly weak cast keeps it from going to the next level.

The movie starts with Roy being able to leave jail at last. It pays to know criminals in high places after all and Big Mac asks Roy to do one more heist for him. The guy desperately wants his riches and Roy agrees but the one thing the lead doesn’t like is that he will have to team up with two rookies, Red and Babe. These two are amateurs in absolutely every area of the business and they’ve even brought along a lady named Marie for the ride. These two choke under pressure and are always talking tough so Roy’s going to have a hard time on his hands> Can he still pull off the heist and what’s this about bringing a dog along for the ride as well?

Throughout the movie you can see how Roy gets frustrated at the rest of the cast because they do have a habit of making things more difficult on him. When you can’t trust your partners in a life or death situation then that makes things a lot tougher right off the bat. Sure enough, they do get into trouble. Red and Babe are the worst characters in the film by far and the sooner they were written out of the film the better.

The dynamic with Roy and Marie was much better even if she was not quite ready to be a big time criminal either. She has been around the block long enough not to make any big mistakes or get in the way but at the same time this isn’t completely her scene. She is part of why the main characters keep Pard (the dog) around and I am glad that she is so nice to him the whole time. I don’t think Pard should be in such a dangerous environment though. One wrong shot or step and it could be too dangerous so the sooner he wasn’t on screen the better.

Pard was a really great dog of course and knew a lot of tricks but I don’t think he would really want to be a criminal. Pard seems like an upstanding citizen to me. While Marie is good, she does get a bit jealous at one point and I think she focuses too much on romance. Romance is probably something you shouldn’t pursue when you’re in the company of criminals. Not the best batch of options after all.

As for Roy, well I liked him in a lot of ways but also not in others. His positive qualities boil down to the fact that he is confident and efficient. He is also a decent guy compared to the rest as he quickly steps in to help Marie and isn’t about to let these criminals do whatever they want. Nobody pushes Roy around and it’s easy to see how he became such a respected figure where nobody wants to mess with him anymore. Now as to why he was not particularly good. He ends up falling for a lady named Velma who can no longer walk.

Roy agrees to fix this for her and even calls in a surgeon. Keep in mind that the family is very poor and could not afford such an operation so Roy agrees to do it. Velma’s grandfather lets Roy know that she is taken but he doesn’t care. So the surgery is a success and then he asks her to marry him and sulks when she says no. My main problem with this is that the operation going well should have been the best day of her life and yet Roy had to ruin it by bringing this up.

He couldn’t take a hint either and just as bad was the fact that he didn’t try to hide his disappointment. So he goes out of his way to make Velma feel absolutely terrible on her big day and then he also insults the guy she intends to marry right away. Not only was his infatuation really rushed as it came out of nowhere but it just hurts him as a man. The instant he said he would pay for the surgery he should have been able to put on a brave face no mater what happened. You just end up feeling bad for Velma and the family by the end of it all.

As to the actual plot, well the heist is fairly quick but doesn’t go all that smoothly for the main characters. The two guys ended up holding Roy back quite a bit and the whole thing also just took too long. They should have definitely been out of there before the final interruption so I don’t get how it was taking them so long. The time they went wasn’t even that bad and the plan was decent but nothing works forever and that’s why time was of the essence.

The writing in the film was pretty solid. The pacing is good too and so the movie is always keeping your interest from start to finish. I thought the ending was effective and so you get a complete package here. The film is fundamentally sound so even if I think it could have been better, it’s one that I could recommend. Personally I just would have either removed the Velma subplot or made Roy handle it a little better. I just didn’t think it made sense how much the whole experience broke him since he seems like a guy with a lot of experience who would have been in this situation before.

Overall, High Sierra should have skipped the romance but even with it, this is still a solid title. I guess you could call it a heist film but that doesn’t seem right and calling it a thriller makes it sound more action packed than it is. I almost think drama would be the best genre for it, but either way just think of it as a low key film where the lead is trying to pull off a really big crime. It also serves as a reminder on why you shouldn’t drink too many beers as that can end up having a heavy cost.

Overall 7/10

Balan Wonderworld Review

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Balan Wonderworld is a game that got fairly infamous right after it came out. People had been expecting the next big thing but instead the game turned out to be a very sloppy production on all sides of the ball. Due to that I was able to find it for a really good price at 6 bucks though so was it really as bad as all that? In a lot of ways it is. There are some areas here where you see some potential but on the whole this just isn’t a good game and I can’t imagine dropping $60 on it. I’d be feeling pretty sad at that point.

The game starts by showing us two kids who are not having a good day. They end up getting taken into Balan’s world and now they have to help various people who are dying or have fallen into the darkness. They can do this by defeating the evil monster personified through the person and collect some statues along the way. Can the kids manage to achieve eternal peace or are they just doomed at this point?

Now the game doesn’t have much dialogue at all so this is my interpretation here but you can probably look at things a bit differently as well. Balan has an archnemesis running around who is causing these nightmares and monsters to appear so we have to take him down for the count as well. Along the way the kids learn what it means to have a good time and enjoy themselves. The game is clearly trying to have a moving story but without voice acting or better cutscenes it is just hard to get that across. At no point will you be particularly interested/engaged in the story. It just never pops out at you.

I really think of the game itself as Ninjabread Man but with a bigger budget. The actual platforming is even a bit weaker than Ninjabread Man, good luck on some of the jumps here! Balan Wonderworld’s main gimmick is that it’s a one button game. At no point in the campaign do you need to do more than press one button. That’s it. Whichever button you press allows you to jump or use whatever ability your costume has. It makes this game rather easy to master of course but there will be less depth within the title as a result so it’s really a true tradeoff.

So in each level the objective is to get to the end but you also have to try and grab some golden statues along the way. Each level has 7 gold statues and you want to average around 3 when you complete a level so that you don’t get stuck. That’s because every world has a statue requirement so if you beat the level without getting enough statues then it will definitely come back to haunt you. I never particularly appreciate having to go and grab collectibles so that didn’t do the game any favors either. The game also does everything it can to slow you down.

For example, some statues are only obtainable for a short potion of the level so if you miss it or beat the minions too quickly then it will disappear. Others are locked in areas that you can’t reach without a costume that you would unlock in a future world. As a result the game is really just doing its best to waste your time or at least it feels like that a lot of the time. The collectibles really were regrettable. Then you have eggs and gems you can grab in the level but they don’t do much of anything. I suppose they help you construct the clock tower in the hub world but there’s no benefit to doing so aside from a trophy and that takes a while.

You just sort of stand there and let the minions build the tower which gets old very quickly. It should have been a more active experience where you get to jump in and everything. The levels and bosses may have some annoying parts but ultimately the platforming gameplay is not terrible. It’s basic but you can have a calming experience just running around at some points in the game. The final boss was not developed well though. There is a glitch where if you bump into the final boss you end up losing all of your lives immediately and have to replay the whole climax from the start. Not a great look if you ask me.

Because of that the final boss took me more tries than it should have. Now I will give the game credit for having decent graphics. I thought all of the screens were colorful and the character designs were on point. There were actual cutscenes which is good and the main villain had a great design even if he couldn’t really manage to do anything. At no point do you ever think that he is a threat to Balan. Why would you when Balan humiliates him over 20 times before you reach the end of the game?

Each level has what are called “Balan Bouts” where you get to beat up the villain through some quick time events. Much like the rest of the game this is a section that has potential but is dragged out way too much. You have to go through the whole sequence in every level and you have to get a perfect score to get the gold statue. Mess up the sequence at all and you may as well close your eyes for the rest since it doesn’t matter. Each cutscene sequence is rather long and drawn out which doesn’t help matters either.

That brings me to the cutscene that plays after beating each boss. There are like 3 songs that cycle over and over as you dance with the characters. The character models do the same drawn out dance each time with the only changes being the character models. It feels rather lazy and if you want to do a celebration after each level then you have to make it quick or iconic. Kirby is an example of how you do this really effectively. It’s short enough where you find it fun rather than repetitive. I’ll give the game some credit for having a real soundtrack filled with songs here but the whole time you just know that it could have done better so as not to make you tired of the songs.

As mentioned, there is just a whole lot of things that went wrong here. Ultimately it’s fair to say that one of the biggest problems is how the game just goes about wasting your time. Having to re-enter a level to grab a statue if you messed up the Balan bout is pretty bad. The statues being required to enter each world is unfortunate and so when you beat the game and unlock a bunch of new levels there is no anticipation on you side. There’s no drive to go and complete the levels because you just aren’t interested enough. Obtaining the platinum is very achievable but it’s a time consuming one so I don’t see myself going back for it anytime soon.

Overall, Balan Wonderworld is about what I expected if not a little worse. It’s really known as a bad game and when a title drops in price so drastically you know that you have to pick it up. Ultimately I would say it’s a little better than the reputation. I mean, it’s not good but it’s not all that bad either and so I’d put it in the middle. You can absolutely play this for a while as a way to pass the time but there are countless platforming titles that are better which you should spend your time on instead.

Overall 5/10

Tenchi Masaki vs Superboy

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Suggested by iKnowledge Superboy is a powerful fighter to be sure. He has speed and strength at his disposal and it’s always important to have both. That said, the same is true of Tenchi. It’s fair to say that Superboy still does have the edge in strength but that won’t be enough when he’s getting absolutely pummeled by Tenchi. Tenchi will be using those light weapons of his to great effect and there just won’t be a whole lot that Superboy can do about it. Superboy is not fast enough to dodge all of the attacks and all it takes is one good blow to put him down. Tenchi Masaki wins.

Ulquiorra vs Luffy

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Suggested by Destroyer I’ll be the first to tell you that Luffy’s a tough guy but is he really ready to go up against someone like Ulquiorra? I have my doubts on that one. See, here’s the thing. Ulquiorra is way faster than Luffy and his destructive power is also enough for him to seize a victory really quickly. When you pair those two things together it puts Luffy in a dire position right from the jump and no amount of gears can counter that when you’re just outmatched. Ulquiorra wins.

Leon (Cardfight) vs Bravenwolf

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Suggested by Destroyer Now this was a really tough one. Leon has a lot of cards but I don’t think that any of them are quite on the level of Bravenwolf. So this is a quantity vs quality kind of thing. Can all of his cards teaming up defeat this guy? Well, for once I do think the quantity is enough this time. I don’t see Bravenwolf being able to get past this onslaught of monsters. He will ultimately falter and that’s when Leon will claim victory. Leon (Cardfight) wins.

Ulquiorra vs Alastor

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Suggested by Destroyer Alastor is a fun Viewtiful Joe character but lets not get this twisted. He’s not quite in the same league as Ulquiorra and would quickly get absolutely wrecked by the guy. The abilities of an Espada are nothing to be trifled with. Ulquiorra would be able to zoom in and take Alastor down before the guy even knew he was there. That’s the kind of opponent Alastor is up against right now so you can see why the guy is absolutely doomed. He just isn’t ready to win and I don’t think his attacks would damage Ulquiorra even if they were to land. Ulquiorra wins.