Captive Wild Woman Review

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It’s time for another retro review. I’m sure that the instant you saw this title you had a bad feeling about how this review was going to go down. Well, your instincts are right then. The Captive Wild Woman is a fairly terrible film that tries its best to keep on getting worse and worse as you watch it. It hits rock bottom and makes you wonder whether the film succeeded in capturing your attention as you disliked it or if it simply captured the time you spent watching it. One thing’s for sure, this will not go down as one of the ultimate monster films.

Fred is a circus guy who goes around kidnapping animals from their native habitats. Unfortunately, the wildlife preserves weren’t really ready at the time so nobody stops him from nabbing a lot of tigers, lions, and even a gorilla. His co-workers are impressed at his boldness. The only one who is too busy to bother about such things is his fiance, Beth. She lets Fred know that her sister is very sick with something that she’s always had and has never bothered her all that much, but now she wants to fix it. Fred’s understandably confused, but nods his approval. After Beth drops Dorothy off at this very suspect and shady building, she heads off. Fred’s new Gorilla ends up murdering someone who got too close to the cage and nearly finished someone else off as well. Dr. Walters uses this chance to kidnap the Gorilla and murders his assistant to give her brain to the creature. Using magic, Dr. Walters transforms the Gorilla into a lady named Paula and takes her to the circus to unravel his own plans….he succeeds!

So, what is the problem with this film? Let’s start out with the obvious case of animal violence. Once again, we see humans taking animals out of their natural habitats and forcing them to perform in cages for human amusement. That’s no better than slavery and especially when you consider that the animals aren’t being treated well at all. If they don’t do what the humans want, they get hit. It’s pretty terrible. These scenes go on for ages and ages as Fred keeps throwing the whip and never letting up. I was rooting for the animals to get him and at least they did get some of his predecessors, but Paula kept on saving him. Otherwise Fred would have been taken out of the picture very early on. Animal violence doomed this to a 0 right from the get go. It’s why I never like seeing circuses with animals in them and I’m skeptical on how they’re being handled. Luckily, you don’t really see circuses like this anymore so we’re doing something right.

Either way, there is no real way to like Fred in this adventure. For starters, he has no real problem with flirting with Paula right from the get go even though he’s already taken. Sure, the counter is probably that he didn’t really think of it as flirting and was just being nice…but I don’t buy it. He also completely ignores her the instant that his fiance comes to visit, which was also pretty over the top. When Beth finally confides in Fred and lets him know that Paula may be a villain, Fred just laughs it off instantly. He doesn’t believe her for a second and gets out of there ASAP.

Beth isn’t a great main heroine either and makes the kinds of decisions here that you would expect from the supporting characters in a Freddy Krueger film. She gets a call from her sister that something is not right and she fears for her life. The call is abruptly disconnected so Beth quickly calls the cops and gets to the bottom of this. Wait….she didn’t call the cops? Afraid not! Beth instead comes to the conclusion that there must have been something wrong with the phone line based on how calmly she walked over to the villain base without a care in the world. Naturally, Dr. Walters decides to destroy her as well, but there’s no rush. So, after letting Beth know that he’ll be destroying her in a moment, Dr. Walters lets Beth go over to the unlocked Gorilla cage which holds Paula…who has been wanting to murder Walters for a while now.
 This doesn’t end well for Walters, but I suppose anyone who didn’t check their common sense out of the door would have realized that. Then again, what do you expect from a guy whose whole plan revolved around an ex employee somehow breaking into a circus and transporting the Gorilla cage without getting slashed? (That scene made no real sense by the way…no wonder the film skipped it.)

Dorothy’s not much better than Beth. She doesn’t begin to suspect that something is up until she has a very long operation and then doesn’t get better for a few days. Seriously, she waited eons before actually making a call instead of just dashing out while Walters was busy. She had many opportunities to escape since Walters was always attending the circus and having fun messing with the main characters. No, she decided not to make a move until Walters made it back to the house and then she went down without putting any real resistance.

Dr. Walters is a pretty bad villain. He may have gotten the last word as the film ends with an epilogue about his life, but he’s a fairly terrible villain. There’s no real reason to sympathize or even understand his reasoning. His whole motivation for murdering everyone and making a human is just because he’s curious. None of it leads to anything and you have to wonder where he was going to go from here anyway. A Cat lady next? Sorry, that concept has already been taken and used by dozens of other films. Better luck next time…

Miss. Strand is another character who isn’t all that smart. She works for a mad scientist and knows that he is completely unstable. After seeing what he is about to do to the patient, she tells him up front that she will put an end to his evil plan. She’ll tell the cops and see that he goes to jail for life. Brilliant idea Miss. Strand…but why did you tell that to his face while you two are the only people in the building in the basement floor, while he is next to the door? Naturally, things don’t go well for her either.

Finally, we have Paula. By default, she is better than most of the other characters here. She is a contender for the best character in the film and I would consider that to be a great honor if her competition wasn’t so bad. She is going after a guy who is taken so that doesn’t bode over well. Plus, she’s a Gorilla so the whole relationship is warped from the start. Should have stuck to the friend zone. At least Paula was tough and could hold her own in a fight. It just wasn’t enough to help her survive a bullet in the back. (Well…with those sequels…..)

Overall, There’s nothing to really like about this film. It’s fairly short at least so that’s a slight consolation I suppose. The animal violence was just too much and you’ll be shaking your head as Dr. Walters bumps off the cast one by one. They all made the worst decisions possible. I also have to question how Paula in her gorilla form made it all the way to the circus from Dr. Walters house in time to save Fred. Based on the rest of the film, it wasn’t all that close to the circus and you’d think that one of the cops would have stopped her since they were all very trigger happy here. Perhaps the writers were going to fix this after lunch, but the film was already due by then so they never got a chance. Either way, this is a film that you should skip. Go take a nap instead.

Overall 0/10

Yugioh 5Ds Review

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All right, I have finally finished the Yugioh 5Ds series! To think, I started this title all the way back in 2011. It’s been about 6 years, but it was a fun ride. The Yugioh 5Ds manga may have been a little less ambitious than its anime counterpart, but the same could be said for the rest. 5Ds was a lot of fun and the Yugioh game is simply so great that the manga is still an all-star by the end. I’ll compare it to the other Yugioh manga (plural) a little more in depth later. For now, let’s start with the plot.

Yusei is from Satellite sector so he lived in the slums for a while. It doesn’t get him down though and Yusei still has fun dueling everyone. Things change when a mysterious knight challenges him to a duel with his life as the stakes. Yusei manages to fend him off, but his best friend, Sect is corrupted and turns to the side of evil. Meanwhile, Goodwin (Rich guy who has his own tournament) wants to revive an incredibly powerful dark overlord to do his bidding although his real reason will come later on. Yusei will have to win the tournament and defeat the Shadow Spectres at various sites in order to turn Sect to the side of light once more. There are a lot of other obstacles that he’ll have to overcome, but Yusei is ready to ride to the next level!

The manga invented a concept for the 5Ds series about sense. When you drive fast enough and with a lot of passion, you’ll be able to hit opponents with a blast of sense. So, what is sense exactly? Well, it is basically hitting someone with pure telekinetic force, which is enough to get them off course or even cause serious injury. It makes virtual reality real and allows 5Ds to have Shadow Games to an extent. I actually enjoyed this concept, but I can also see how it might not have worked too well in the anime. If Sense was a real thing, then why would anyone want to actually duel under those circumstances? You would always be putting your life on the line and even if the general public couldn’t access this ability, it would be a little strange. Nothing’s too strange for Yugioh world though and I’m sure that I could have gotten behind it. I’m sure the anime could have made the scenes look really intense.

As you would expect, the art is pretty crisp and clean here. The author does a good job of showing the duels and capturing the intensity of the high stakes rounds. I’d say that the animation probably is a little better than what we have in GX. The monsters all look good and the duels are very easy to follow. Had the series gone on any longer, I’m sure that the art would continue to improve. It is an area that can certainly be counted as a strength for the series.

Yusei is a great character as you will have come to expect from Yugioh. He’s a superb duelist and does whatever it takes to keep his friends safe. I’ve always preferred Jaden and Yami Yugi, but Yusei is certainly leagues above Yugi, Yuma, and Yuuya. His Stardust Dragon is certainly a great ace to have up his sleeve and his synchro summon deck certainly seems well balanced. It’s easy to say that Yusei is the best character here. Sect is Yusei’s best friend and the guy was made up for the manga. He’s not a bad friend I suppose, but he’s just not tough enough for me. I like characters who have a certain flair of confidence of arrogance about them. Otherwise, the character just has to be really good at being a nice guy. I just never found Sect all that enjoyable and even once he got his evil form, it wasn’t all that great. It was an improvement though and at least he finally became one of the big shots. I certainly won’t call him a bad character though and he serves his role fairly well, but I think we could have put Crow in his place and then the manga wouldn’t have needed an original character.

Jack is certainly a major character here as you would expect. He’s as tough as always and I would say that he is the second best character in the manga. He doesn’t really get a chance to become a full fledged hero like he was in the anime, but he serves his purpose as the tough rival who always keeps everyone on their guard. His Red Dragon Archfiend is definitely a really cool ace monster to have at the ready as well. We’ve also got Crow who is more of a friend than a rival. He comes out of the blue a little less than he did in the anime so the character wasn’t as forced. Plus, with most of the characters randomly showing up in the manga at some point or another, he fit in well. Crow’s not a bad character either, but he always felt a little bland when placed next to Yusei and Jack. Not to mention that I don’t think he could hold his own against either of those two. He’s no Joey Wheeler, but Crow’s a good pal to have around. You can never have too many dueling friends.

Akiza is a character who is quite different from her TV show counterpart. For starters, she is actually very popular at school and isn’t a psychic who works for a shady organization. That’s too bad since the plot was definitely a lot of fun in the show, but her new role is handled well. It’s a shame that her appearances were so brief in the manga, but I guess the series couldn’t squeeze everyone in. As it stands, she’s a good character. Leo and Luna have also been altered from the show and the result is a little worse than Akiza. Leo is fairly similar as he panics a lot, but since Luna bosses him around a lot in the manga, it makes things dicey for him. He goes along with her plans since she is the boss, even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with it. Luna is evil for most of the series, I believe that this was in part due to some kind of darkness that had infected her. Either that or it was actually natural and then the duel just showed her the light. The two characters were rather boring and I was ready for Yusei to take them down for the count.

The Skeleton Knight is another new character for the series and he serves as one of the main villains. This guy was definitely really cool and he helped the series start with a bang right from the get go. The stakes were real at soon as he appeared since it meant that the plot was starting early. He doesn’t get to duel a whole lot, but the battles that he does get are satisfying and he lives up to the hype that surrounds him. He may not have a lot of character, but you can’t really go wrong with a solid design and the cool demeanor that he has. Director Goodwin is one of the big villains here as you would expect thanks to the show. He’s a pretty good villain. He certainly won’t be matching some of the iconic foes like Marik, but Goodwin does a good job of ensuring that he is a threat and gives the heroes a really good showdown.

A lot of the other supporting characters from the show appear at some point during the series. Bolt, Officer Trudge, (Ushio), Kalin, and others. Kalin in particular was a really cool character from the show, but he didn’t get quite as much to do in the manga due to the limited amount of duels that could be covered. It was definitely funny to see how many people had a grudge with Jack though. Akiza, Kalin, Yusei, Sect to an extent, etc. Everyone wanted a piece of Jack by the end and at least that goes to show that his reputation really does precede him. Defeating Jack Atlas is always something to brag about since few are able to accomplish this.

So, how does this manga stack up against the other Yugioh titles? Well, Duelist is obviously still the best and I’d put R at second. After that, it starts to get a lot closer between the titles. I’d put Millennium World at third followed by Yugioh GX at fourth. GX is the manga that I haven’t read for the longest time though so it is possible that things will change when I re read it. Who knows, maybe it’ll end up passing Millennium World! Next would be Yugioh Zexal and then Yugioh 5Ds at 6th. Classic Yugioh is easily the worst and hasn’t aged all that well, but how good can a Yugioh series be without a lot of duels anyway? It’ll be cool to see where Arc V ranks on this list once the manga finally comes out.

Overall, Yugioh 5Ds is definitely a lot of fun. I was really hoping that it could get past the 9 volume curse for Yugioh Spinoffs, but no such luck I suppose. It looks like Arc V will have to be the one to do that. The series did a lot in the short length that it had though and each volume is power packed with action and duels. The review is a little short, but keep in mind that I did read this series over the course of 6 years so some of the older events aren’t as fresh as they would have been otherwise. The tournament arc was a lot of fun and there were certainly a good amount of events in the series, but it all continues pretty seamlessly so that’s why you don’t need to spend too much time talking about the plot. In the end, you’re here for the duels an the series definitely delivers on that. In the end, this is just a really enjoyable title and you don’t really have to put too much thought into it. It’s the perfect manga to just pick up and read when you’re in the mood. This is a must read for all Yugioh fans and people who simply like to enjoy a good action story as well. With good art and characters to back it up, the title really has no weaknesses. It is a shame that Leo and Luna fell kind of flat, but I never liked them much to start off with so they have no real effect on the final product. With the final Zexal volume already out, you can expect another Yugioh review soon.

Overall 8/10

King of Fighters XIV Review

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The hype behind this latest installment in the King of Fighters series was definitely impressive. After Cashcom decided to release a very barebones rendition of Street Fighters, this was KoF’s chance to quickly show the fighting game community how it’s done. It does not dissappoint as there is a lot of content here to keep you satisfied without having to wait months for extra features. While SF V still wins with its final package and simply having the more interesting characters/smoother gameplay, King of Fighters holds its own and the series has come a very long way since the old PS2 title that I played.

The story mode is like the classic fighting game titles. Each team has an ending, but there is a story sprinkled in as well. Every character shares the same opening and then the big event where a cosmic being by the name of Verse shows up. You learn a little bit about Verse from some of the character endings, but either way, he means business! Taking him down is definitely going to be difficult, but the King of Fighter heroes are up to the task!

Some of the story endings are lacking a little. Since every team has an ending, it makes sense that not all of them would be hits. I mostly enjoyed the ones that delved into why Verse shows up and the ones that foreshadow events in King of Fighters XV. The ones that are more about day to day life like having a buffet at a bar or talking about animal names are a little less interesting. It’s partially due to the fact that I don’t know the cast too well yet though. I’m sure that they’ll get cooler as I pick up more of the games and get used to them. The story segments that the characters share is always pretty epic though. I do hope that these endings go somewhere though. There are a lot of hintings at plot twists and such which involve Verse, but if this never pops up in KoF XV, then it’ll be a bit of a waste.

King of Fighters did a great job with the soundtrack. The theme when Verse shows up is really good and I also like the main theme of the game. I can’t really tell what the singer is saying to be honest, but the beat is good and the liveliness of it all fits the game rather well. The stages also have good themes which is a must for a fighting game since you will be hearing them quite often. Likewise, the graphics are also very sharp. The cinematics that are present look very good and the character models are all on point. It’s all very clear and the actual gameplay will keep reminding you that this game is current gen. The interface and menus are also very good and I would have liked something like that for Super Smash. I’m still not crazy about the way that the menus work in that title. KoF XIV is similar to the PS3 in that sense as everything feels very new and modern.

Now, let’s talk about the actual gameplay. It’s a classic 2D fighter where you have standard attacks and power moves. You’ll want to throw, roll, and block as well. There is a lot of depth to be found in this title. If you aspire to be a world class player, you should expect to spend a lot of time in the training room. I’d say that the game has even more options than the various Street Fighter games. There are a lot of different ways to attack and dozens of variations so it will likely be overwhelming as you try to memorize the moveset from all of the characters. It’s easy to pick up as a beginner and hard to master, which is a good balance. I definitely like the gameplay, although I would put it under Street Fighter and Tekken. I think what holds it back a little is just that the character models are a little slower. Tekken makes up for this with how much damage you deal per hit. The fights in King of Fighters will always take a little longer. The 3 on 3 default mode is always a lot of fun though and if you’re going to have a long fight, then it may as well be in style.

I haven’t gotten a chance to test my skill against any actual players yet, but I’m sure that a free PS+ weekend will be occurring soon so then I’ll be sure to go online. I’m confident that my button mashing skills and experience with fighting games should serve me fairly well. After you’ve played story mode, you can also head to the Trials and Tutorials. Survival Mode is also at the ready. The tutorial mode goes very in depth and teaches you all of the concepts in the game. It can be difficult towards the end, but you’ll be glad that you played it. For a game this complex, you will need to actually think about what you are going to do. Button Mashing is heavily discouraged based on how it is set up, although you can make do if you know how.

The trophies seem tricky, but a little more achievable than some other fighting games like SF IV or SF V. I got a decent amount of them, although it’s a fairly low amount if you look at the game on the surface. A lot of the trophies are online based so I can’t really go for those quite yet. It helps add to the replay value that is found here. As this is a fighting game, that means that the replay value is automatically infinite. Whether you play locally or with friends online (If you have PS+) the gameplay should never get old. This is the kind of game that you can have fun playing for hours and hours on end as you try to improve your skills and rank. Grabbing all of the illustrations, movies, and sounds should also take some time.

Verse made for a good original villain here. I hope to see him return although I definitely want God Rugal as well. That guy was awesome in the old games. Terry was about as cool as I’d expect him to be and Kyo seems like a good main character as well. I’m still not sold on Iori, but maybe he’ll get cooler as he goes along. It’s pretty neat how there is a Freddy Krueger parody here as well and even a guy who looks rather similar to Ryu. The ice character is also cool since having someone with super powers is always pretty neat. As it stands, I do think that the cast is more interesting than Virtua Fighter. If we get more stories as the games go on, maybe it’ll continue to pass other video game series as far as the cast is concerned.

Overall, This game is certainly worth the full price. It has a very large cast so many of your favorites should be here and finding a character who fits your play style should come naturally. The graphics and soundtrack are solid as well. The only weakness in the game would be the story to an extent, but I still did like the animated cutscenes and ultimately, you’re playing the game for the gameplay more than anything else. If the new Super Smash could be a big success without a story, there’s no reason why King of Fighters can’t do the same. I definitely recommend checking this game out and then we’ll see if you ultimately agree that Terry Bogard is the most intense character in the game.

Overall 8/10

Independence Day Review

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Technically I went back and rewatched this film before the sequel came out, but then the review found itself on the backburner for quite a while. Needless to say, this film is certainly a lot better than the original. It still had a little issue with adding in too many plots which result in some being less interesting than the others, but ends up being a rather complete picture. The special effects still hold up really well and the characters are mostly likable. It’s the classic alien invasion story that you would expect and will always be remembered as an iconic film.

The main plot here is that aliens have arrived and they want to take over the Earth. They naturally go after America first since this country is super strong, but the world is their endgame. Not to fear, America has a plan and we’ve got a lot of natural defenses on our side of the field as well. Can our team of handpicked experts stop this alien menace or is the whole world doomed? Time to find out!

The film develops around a half dozen subplots so you get used to the characters before the Aliens actually show up. In one corner, we’ve got Thomas, the President of the United States! He seems like a charismatic guy and takes the situation in stride, but naturally there aren’t a whole lot of standard procedures to keep in mind when you are under attack from aliens. Considering the situation. Thomas keeps a steady command of the situation despite this and doesn’t let go of the reigns. He is easily the best character in the film as far as I’m concerned and his plot was also the most interesting. If you’ve been following my reviews a lot then you’ll remember that I always love to see the government’s point of view. As a result, the round table meeting with all of the higher ups was definitely a blast. One of the generals is ultimately portrayed as a bit of a worrywart by the end who talks back to the President and is quickly fired, but I actually liked him a lot when he first appeared. Before things went south for the character, he had some good points. For example, Thomas states that maybe they should consider going to Deafcon 4. The general immediately answers “Absolutely!” right after sighing as if he had been waiting for the President to finally make the obvious call. The general then went on to immediately dish out some orders before being put back in his place. Maybe he was a little too enthusiastic, but I liked how he immediately went to action and how he had his own ideas on how this should all go down.

Another one of the better plots involved David. He’s a genius who works with computers and detects a hidden frequency within the alien transmissions. Nobody else has noticed this yet so it could be crucial, but he has to find a way to infiltrate the White House first and that is going to be an issue. Especially considering that he actually punched out the President a while back. Something like that is a little hard to forget. Luckily, he has connections within the building, but is he in over his head? David plays a large role in stopping the alien menace and gets into the front lines. The actor’s always done a good job in the movies that I’ve seen him in and pulls off the character quite well. Finally, we’ve got the third main plot which featured Captain Hiller. He’s the ace pilot on the group and is the only character in the film to actually defeat one of the aliens mano a mano. He provides the gusto and natural leadership that gives the team confidence when it is time for the final attack. David’s the brains of the operations, but you need to have some brawn in a firefight and that’s where Hiller comes in. His natural charisma is something that the leads from the sequel really lacked.

Unfortunately, this is where we start to get to the plots that weren’t quite as interesting. For starters, there is Russell. He claims to have been abducted by aliens a while back and gets teased about it whenever he goes to the local bar to drink. He’s typically drunk throughout the day so that makes it tough for him to defend himself. He makes it onto TV, but not in a graceful light. He drives cross country with two teens, I believe they were his nephews, and they get to give us a grounded look at the situation. It was a very boring view though and this subplot was even longer in the extended cut. There was really no point to it though and naturally Russell got his big moment in the end, but I could have done without him. The plot could have certainly been more obnoxious and a lesser film would have really gone crazy wit it, but it still didn’t help the film out in the long run.

I also wasn’t crazy about the plot involving the First Lady, who survived the crash and meets up with Jasmine, Hiller’s wife. (Girlfriend at the time) It was there for the emotional impact I suppose and to give us inspiration speeches, but it slowed the pacing down a little. That being said, I do have to give the plot some credit though because it provided us with a cool CGI scene where the fire starts to engulf the streets. We then see the main dog turn into Air Bud as he leaps across cars and outruns the fire all the way to the service entrance where the characters were. Many films have a make or break moment and this was it. If the characters had shut the door to save themselves and the dog had died, this film would have gone right into the trash. I would have churned out a 0-1 star review for this film and would have spent the duration bashing and bashing it. Luckily, this film had class and good writing so the dog lived and we got a plot with a nice ending. So, the dog scene is what saved the side plot.

Finally, we also have some annoying characters when we head to the underground bunker. It starts off okay as the President takes charge and infiltrates Area 51. Unfortunately, the scientists there was too zany for their own good. They try to go for a very Johnny Depp kind of quirky, but it’s very forced and not appreciated. They don’t get a big role here so that’s good, but prepare yourself for the sequel. The main positive about this part was when the alien decided to fight back and attacked from his glass cage. The alien put up a good fight and the action scene really came out of nowhere. It was unexpected and that helped to make it a very effective moment. The film may have not been super heavy with action, but had its moments. There was a big aerial fight in the climax after all of the alien ships take on the U.S. Airforce. That was fun and the effects really hold up well. Between that and the famous scene where the White House blows up, you can tell that this film got a pretty high budget.

A lot of people like to poke fun at the ending though, where we use a Mac to send a virus to the villains. I do agree to an extent that this is a little hard to believe and viruses shouldn’t work on villains in the first place, but I’m pretty okay with this. You have to keep in mind that we will never defeat an alien race without some kind of plot hax. Just look at how Captain Hiller takes down one of these superhumanly strong aliens with a single punch. It’s hard to swallow, but it’s still a pretty humorous scene to watch. At the very least, I thought it was pretty fun.

The soundtrack was fairly good. It’s not going to be winning any awards from this blog anytime soon, but I thought that the tunes were placed rather well and that’s what counts. The President’s big speech was certainly good as well and one of the cooler moments of the film. It was so good that the sequel decides to reuse it instead of coming up with a big one of its own.

Overall, Independence Day really set the bar for future alien invasion films. It definitely deserves to be known as a fun classic. It’s not completely amazing as some of the lesser subplots drag the film down a little, but it’s still a fun film in the end. The pacing is good and you should be kept well entertained the whole time. It’s essentially the definition of a solid film and considering that the aliens didn’t get to show up much, the set up was still really good. I’d argue that this is one of those films where the set up is better than the actual resolution as I like to see everyone getting worked up over the aliens. The fight was still good of course, but the prelude was just better. I certainly recommend checking this film out. It may not be July 4th right now, but it’s always the right time for an alien invasion film.

Overall 7/10

Vigilante- My Hero Academia Illegals

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I shall have a review for this series when it is finished. It’s off to a decent start and I can easily see this series going on for a long time. It just needs to focus on the action and the concept while not being bogged down by other elements. Hopefully it goes well!

Overall 6/10

The Leech Woman Review

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I had to choose this poster because it basically spoils the entire movie. It’s a fairly short adventure though so it is pretty hard to not spoil the first part. I’m sure that the trailers did as well since in theory, the second half would be treated as the selling point. It’s a tough call though because I felt like the first half lasted long enough where you could treat it as its own story. I was actually wondering where the film was going to go with this, but once the mud scene happened, it was clear that the movie was still ready to kick it into high gear. It’s definitely better than I was expecting even if it’s still not ready for the big leagues.

The film starts off with a doctor and his wife having some troubles. They don’t get along at all and are ready for a divorce. Paul and June nearly seal the deal, but then an old lady named Malla shows up. She explains that her people have a way to reverse aging and make you young again. There are side effects, but it will make Paul rich so he is eager to learn more. She invites the couple to come to her village and then leaves. Paul quickly pretends to be nice to June again so he can use her as a guinea pig on this new formula. He can’t try it on himself of course since he doesn’t know if it’s safe yet. They go along to the village and are told that they will die there. June is given the opportunity to try the serum though so she gives it a whirl. Unfortunately, the effects only last for a single day so it’s good for a night of fun, but that’s about it. June isn’t satisfied and she wants a true romance since she never got along with Paul, but will she be able to keep on murdering people every day while keeping it a secret from the fiance that she stole from another girl? Only time will tell!

There are definitely some problems with this title from the get go. The main issue is the drama between June and Paul. There is really no purpose to it and June looks terrible throughout the whole ordeal. So, they have been married for over 10 years, but June claims that he never liked her. She likes him though so she puts up with it, but has clearly had a terrible time of it. She has resorted to being a regular drinker. Then, Paul pretends to be nice to her for one day and she is suddenly willing to stick around until he betrays her again. It was definitely a very poor relationship plot and didn’t add anything to the movie. I definitely didn’t care for June and she never recovered from the opening. Going after someone who already had a fiancee was definitely iffy as well although it is certainly the guy’s fault as well.

Paul is quite bad as well. He just wants money and strings June along for his own personal ambitions. Luckily, he is also not that intelligent and basically tells June his plan of leaving her to the Indians to be murdered while he escapes. She very reasonably decides that this is not a very good plan for her so she decides to pull a little trick on him. We’ve also got the random guy who was hired for 5000. He seemed like a good character at first although he was also flirting a little with June and since she was still married..it was a little iffy. He shows his true colors by the end though and suddenly becomes just another villain. I like how he quickly switched his tune once he was in the mud, but he probably should have realized what was coming next.

Another really bad character was the fiancee. He falls in love with someone after only seeing her for 5 minutes and is instantly willing to play the field as he tries to hang out with the new girl while not telling his current one. Naturally, this doesn’t go well and he handles the situation terribly. I was kind of hoping that June would take him out after she had her fun, but ultimately it wasn’t in the cards. Still, it was a good way to make that character as unlikable as possible. He was beyond saving at that point. I did like his girl friend though. She made sure to keep reminding June to back off and when that didn’t work, she quickly grabbed her gun. Unfortunately, she forgot that a gun is meant to keep opponents at bay and you shouldn’t use it in a hand to hand fight. That was just plain sloppy and had a lot of plot hax there.

I didn’t really care for Malla. She talked tough for a while and did help to destroy some of the main characters, but why was she here? Unless she can see the future or has some kind of telepathy, I don’t see why she would go to see Paul in the first place. She is also treated as the ruler of her village as she can murder people for no reason and calls the shots so why didn’t she just stay there. Also, turning young just to mess around with everyone for a full day is a pretty sad goal. I would have preferred a better villain.

I do think that the film did a decent job of switching the tone from part 1 to part 2. Part 2 suddenly became your standard horror film as June picks people off one by one while the first act was more of a Jungle film like the recent fake monster film that I reviewed. It’s hard to say which part was better. Maybe the second half, but they both weren’t bad. There was a quick scene of animal violence in part 1, which was unfortunate and all of the romance throughout the film was definitely pretty bad. You can’t have a good romance with unlikable characters after all, that will be a losing formula no matter how you slice it.

It’s also a little hard to believe that June can defeat all of the foes that she did. She was an old lady at one point, but is still able to overpower a crook who was choking her. June took way too long to make her move as well. Since she was planning to destroy him from the start, she could have handled the situation in a safer manner. She was also surprisingly sloppy after a while. Leaving her calling card on the corpse was pretty iffy and then just leaving a dead body in the closet where anyone could just open up and find it? Granted, the latter example is not quite as bad since she had little time. I can accept throwing the body in the closet, but leaving her card was sad.

I do like how quickly the cops acted though. They showed up out of nowhere and at first I was wondering how they could have possibly put the pieces together. They are definitely good at their jobs and even had the warrant ready so they did everything by the books. Definitely the best characters by default. I would definitely have liked to have seen them more as it’s always nice to see them talk tough to the crooks.

I have to quickly mention The Ring here. June has a ring which can destroy any guy with a quick shot to the neck. You don’t even have to apply that much pressure as June KOs someone while he had leverage and she was an old lady. You basically just have to tap it to the neck and it is game over. I guess the reasoning is that the fang it was made of is incredibly sharp, but it is still a real stretch. Definitely a handy weapon to have on deck though and it is the real MVP of this film. June probably wouldn’t have lasted too long without it.

Overall, The Leech Woman was better than I expected. I still won’t call it a very good film or anything like that, but it’s not downright bad either. I think it’s safely in the middle and it is certainly watchable while even having a little replay value. I’d actually recommend checking this out to an extent if you’ve ever wanted to see a really old woman take down a bunch of people on her own. I suppose age doesn’t matter when you have a one hit KO ring. I still don’t buy the fact that it works so well, but it’s just one of those things I guess. One thing about the plot that still doesn’t make sense though is an early scene. Paul and friends arrive at Africa and see a lot of dead bodies along with Malla’s cane. At first I thought that she transformed and destroyed them, but apparently another tribe got them…but the tribe was Malla’s tribe. Either they have two factions of she was kidnapped during the journey and then her crew came to save her. I dunno, it didn’t make any sense to me, but maybe it’ll click when you watch it. If so readers, let me know how that situation really went down!

Overall 5/10

Island of Lost Souls Review

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This review is of the edited version as I believe all airings don’t have the original extreme animal violence scene anymore. Still terrible though and it would be hard to make the review any harsher because it’s so bad.

Remember that feeling of falling off of your bike and scraping your knee, only to fall again on that same knee? That’s basically what it’s like to watch this film. It’s one of those films that is so horrific, so terrible, so awful that you won’t be able to find anything good to say about this film. The fact that Britain apparently gave it an X certificate before cutting out some of the incredibly terrible animal violence is quite telling. Even the author of the book didn’t approve of the film. It’s really just filled with terrible animal violence and ultimately there is no point to the story. Even the main poster is terrible. This film really couldn’t do anything right. At least films like this make other bad titles look somewhat competent.

Parker is on a ship heading back home, but he notices that the Captain is being cruel to his animal slaves. He punches the guy, but is thrown overboard. Parker is forced to go to a haunted island where more animals are being cruelly tortured and is held against his will for a while. Parker doesn’t mind for the most part and even gives a pass to the evil doctor. After cheating on his fiancee, Parker starts to realize that this place may be having a bad effect on him so when his friends come to rescue them, he doesn’t bother to warn them of the dangers. On the contrary, he sends an old man off to fight the island’s dozens and dozens of inhabitants on his own. Once Parker is sure that the old man is dead, he heads off with the main heroine and one of the villains to try and escape, but it will likely take one more sacrifice. He’s planned for that though…

This film’s another train wreck in case you couldn’t guess by now. The only decent character here is the Captain and even he isn’t all that smart. Going outside on your own in the middle of the night in enemy territory is just foolish and drinking/eating a lot in an unfamiliar place is not a strategically wise move either. He certainly should have taken a bigger crew with him for such an expedition. He is better than the other characters by default though. Parker wasn’t a likable character for many reasons, but one of the main ones is that he is very quick to cheat on his girl friend. After that, he admits that he didn’t really care much about the animals being tortured and was content to leave the island and not do anything about it. He’s what you would call a coward. He’s worried about what might happen if he stands up for the creatures so he chooses to feign ignorance. While the animals are being experimented on, he goes back to his cabin to read a book. I was waiting for him to get knocked off, but that would only happen if this was a modern horror film. Since it’s retro, everyone else gets to die except for him and the main heroine.

Most films lose some stars and points for having mild animal violence. You can imagine how this film became a 0 instantly with the high degree that is featured here. This film is right up there with Sucker Punch as one of the worst films of all time. As bad as Awake was, this is in a whole different level. It’s not that long at least, but still tries to be as unpleasant as humanly possible. Dr. Moreau has an extremely dark ending to try and compensate for how violent and dark they made him, but it certainly doesn’t win the film back any points. There is even a trope for this kind of thing where a villain will commit some kind of atrocity and then that same atrocity happens to them by the end as a form of karmic justice. In actuality, this vicious cycle just means that the film will have the same dark moment twice and further sink it into the ground.

On the surface, you might find it appealing to see a villain like this meet an incredibly brutal end, but at that point, it is just too much. Simply have the villain die in an explosion or something, no need for him to get tortured just to prove a point. Films like this are just extremely toxic and just plain bad for you. Watching rubbish like this for a while will just give you a sour disposition and you’re better off watching something with actual good themes and light hearted moments. This film opts to be incredibly grim-dark the entire time instead.

Overall, there’s not much more to say about this film. It simply doesn’t have any class and you’ll be doing yourself a favor by skipping out on it. Animal violence shouldn’t be tolerated in any shape or form and the film better not have been using any actual animals for this. The whole thing is just unethical and if H.G. Wells typically writes books of such low quality, then I can safely say that he is extremely overrated. Most big name authors are though so I can’t say I’m very surprised. The summary tipped me off from the start that this was going to be a terrible film. Luckily, I think this is the last 0 star film at the moment, but we still do have some really negative ones coming up so prepare yourself. For every gem, there are 5 old banana’s in the trash can just waiting to be picked up. This was one of those, but at least, now I have a film I can easily mention when someone asks what some of the worst films of all time are.

Overall 0/10

Awake Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be read as such. A review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative..which is hard to believe, but that’s just how bad this film is.

It’s time to look at another film that kicked the bucket. What’s impressive about Awake is that it is even worse than the last two films that I reviewed and manages to score a perfect 0. Trust me, that is pretty hard to do since you have to make a lot of mistakes and keep yourself from doing anything right. Awake pulled it off, but unfortunately, that isn’t something that it can really brag about in the future. The concept behind Awake doomed it from the start, but it doesn’t help that most of the main characters are fairly unlikable and/or not that smart though. Ah well…let’s dive into this!

Clay has had a serious medical condition for a while now. He must finally go for the risky heart transplant operation or lose it all. He wants his friend Dr. Harper to do the surgery while his mother wants him to go with the world’s greatest surgeon instead, but Clay refuses. He has a quick marriage with Sam and then decides that he is ready. Unfortunately, Dr. Harper plans to destroy Clay in his sleep and the truly diabolical part of this is that Clay is awake throughout the whole operation. He can try to endure the pain, but his fate is sealed.

There are a multitude of reasons why this film faces the 0 star review that only truly horrible titles earn. For starters, this plot is basically about Clay being tortured. He is strapped to a table and is being cut open while having no chance to do anything about it. He can’t even call for help since he is paralyzed. That’s a terrible plot premise and I can’t stand torture so a whole movie about that was never going to be higher than a 0. It’s just not fun to watch and I mentally checked out after the first 5 minutes. I’m still watching, but mostly looking for little things to enjoy as the reviewing phase of the film was already basically sealed. I could take off the metaphorical reviewing cap and call it a day. The rest of the film wasn’t much better though so even without the premise, it wouldn’t have gotten much higher than a 2 or a 3.

So, let’s try to look past the torture and the fact that the main character can’t actually do anything. What is the point of the film? If Clay can’t actually alter events in any shape of form, then his plot may as well not even be present. He is simply another spectator along with us and just adds in his own words to slow the pacing down. The film likes to stack the deck against him so things continue to go from bad to worse. This review will have full spoilers so you may want to back out now while you’ve still got a chance. If not, prepare yourself! See, Sam never actually liked Clay. She simply charmed and married the guy to get his money after his death. It’s not something that is incredibly uncommon either and it’s why you should think carefully before marrying someone that you met through dicey circumstances.

How did they meet? Well, Sam was the new maid/caretaker for the house. (Clay’s rich btw so he should be extra careful right?) Clay walked in one day to find her rummaging through his stuff and she had probably already stolen a whole bunch of things. Naturally, she quickly used his shallow “love at first sight” against him and he forgot about the whole thing. She very quickly got him to marry her after that and then set him up for the surgery with the leader of this crime unit. The best (Or saddest part for Clay) part is that this was all part of the plan from the get go. All of the villains knew that Clay would fall for Sam so there was never any doubt on that end. The trap was so thorough that Harper didn’t even bother to remove the picture of him and Sam from his office. Whenever Clay would visit, they knew that the main character couldn’t piece together the obvious parts of the puzzle.

Clay’s a terrible character in case you haven’t guessed yet. He never even notices when Harper is subtly mocking him the entire time and taking a lot of shots at the fact that Clay is rich. Ah well, I suppose you can’t be smart and rich. Wait a minute…. I didn’t care for the villains either though. It may have been desperate times for Harper, but to send Sam off to woo Clay shows where his priorities lie. Considering that she didn’t mind the assignment at all, you’ll likely see the backstab towards the end coming right from the get go. Luckily, the cops nabbed them all anyway which is good. It would have been annoying to have seen Sam escape after all of that.

The only two good characters here were the Mom and the World Class Surgeon. The Surgeon talked a good game and was able to help out a lot in the end so that was good. He was pretty confident and definitely could have pulled off the procedure. As for the Mom, she was an actual intelligent character, which was rare to find around these parts. She warned Clay that Sam was just in it for the money and also warned him not to go with the operation under Harper’s supervision. He never had the greatest reputation after all. It’s a shame that it ultimately cost the Mom everything, but at least she outsmarted the villains. If only Clay had been a little smarter with his decisions, things could have been different.

At the very least, Awake had a lot of twists, but while they would only really count as mild shock value. They certainly don’t help to fix this train wreck of a film. You can’t save a bad premise no matter how hard you try. Attack on Titan taught me that the hard way as it had a top notch soundtrack and an excellent director. It ultimately still had to continue with the premise though and that was game over. Having someone go through a surgery while conscious and watching everyone else betray him as he moves through time? That’s not going to slice any life into the film. (See what I did there?)

Overall, Awake is a film that you will definitely want to keep in the shelf. I suppose it can be used as a cautionary tale for rich people, but hopefully they have enough common sense not to marry a burglar who is extremely suspect the entire time. There’s nothing really good about this film at all and not even a reboot can save this one. It’s the kind of film that was doomed right from the get go. Now, if the film had started off with Clay dying instantly as they gave him a bad dose of anesthesia and he returns from the Spirit World as a The Ring esque villain, that could have some potential. It’d probably only get a 2 or a 3, but that’s better than this right? There’s another 0 coming soon though…so prepare yourself!

Overall 0/10

Digimon Adventure 02: Revenge of Diaboromon Review

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Our War Game was definitely a great Digimon movie and my personal favorite from the collection. Making a sequel to that one makes a lot of sense and Diaboromon was a really cool villain so I was glad to have him back. Unfortunately, they only gave the sequel around 30 minutes to work with which limits this movie to a noticeable extent. It is still a fun film, as a result, there just isn’t a lot of time to do just about anything. It’s very rushed, but we do get 2 big fight scenes so that’ll do. Considering the players in the actual battles, it still has more stakes than 2 out of the last 3 Digimon films.

The film starts off very quickly as Diaboromon returns and decides to wreck havok on the world once again. Luckily, the DigiDestined have learned of his plot so the main characters of the first two seasons have a meeting on what to do about this. They ultimately decide to send in Omnimon to take care of Diaboromon while the other characters handle the rookie Digimon that are infesting the city. Sounds like a good plan, but can Omnimon really win? After all, he only beat Diaboromon the first time because they used emails to slow Diaboromon down from the inside. Otherwise, Omnimon was much too slow to do anything about the villain, which continues to be a bit of an issue for him here. Davis may have to step in if things get dicey!

The film has no time to waste so that’s why things happen very quickly here. As with the last encounter, some of the Digidestined are a little too busy to help out, but most of them are ready this time. TK and Kari are probably the most useful characters aside from the main 4. They may not have super strong Digimon at their disposal like the others (They don’t want to use their strongest forms or haven’t mastered them I assume since they go with the standard modes) but are still able to give Diaboromon a good tackle and dodge his array of lasers for a good amount of time. They handled the situation well and I would have liked the other members to have helped out as well. Perhaps in Tri we will finally get to see the whole team help out.

I’m still not really a huge fan of the animation style used in this film. It’s a style that has been used for most of the Digimon films at this point and makes all of the characters very wavy. It makes for good explosions, but also makes the movie lose a lot of its color. For example, just about everything and everyone are faded out as opposed to the bright colors from the original TV show. It looks more like Seinen character designs as opposed to Shonen or Kodomo. It’s not necessarily bad of course, but the humans lose a bit of their individuality and I’d just like to see more color introduced.

I also think that it could possibly be linked with how Omnimon looks a lot weaker here than he should. He’s portrayed as extremely slow to an extreme level. It may be because of how the Digital World works in the film universe, but it definitely didn’t make him look all that impressive. In the human world he was a bit faster though so it may not be an animation/directing thing and just Digital rules that came into play. Imperialdramon got to show his stuff though and the hyped Paladin Mode was fun to see. With the raw power of a quadruple Mega, he should definitely be a force to be reckoned with. In Cyber Sleuth he had the ability to take out an entire team of 12 Megas in a single shot so even today he is considered to be one of the strongest of all time.

The final fight scene on Earth is quite good after all. The shots of Diaboromon’s true form slowly approaching were handled well and his rematch with Omnimon was good. It’s a shame that his fight against Paladin Mode only lasted a few seconds, but this is where the short length of the film really came into play, similar to the Janemba DBZ film. It also shows how strong the form is of course as it would look less impressive if it was more of an even fight. I’d still take Omnimon over Imperialdramon in a fight any day, but both of them are strong fighters since Imperialdramon has his humanoid mode. If he was stuck in Dragon form, things would be pretty tricky for him.

It’s pretty neat that now most of the kids in the world know about the Digidestined. It should make their work a little easier if they don’t have to hide the fights each time. Plus, since emails can slow down the villains, having the aid of the other kids can really be useful. Most of the adults will probably still be left in the dark since they can’t really comprehend the world of Digimon, but that’s okay. It made for a really fun plot in season 3, but it would need a lot of screen time once again so it would deserve its own movie if the series ever gets that plot.

I think it is safe to say that Tai is the best character here. He’s pretty serious the whole time and doesn’t hesitate to go into battle. Matt’s a close second though as he is also ready for action and has matured a lot over the years. He even acts as the leader a bit although Tai will always be the true commander of the team. Izzy helped out a bit from his end as well with a little aid from Yolei. Of course, the whole situation was Yolei’s fault as well so she was really trying to fix her own mistakes at that point. Mimi and Joe didn’t really get to do much, but at least Joe lent his bike to Davis and Ken so they could make it in time to help out. Ken and Davis were solid characters as well. I definitely agree with Davis that he should have been allowed to go and help from the get go. If Diaboromon had to deal with 2 Mega level Digimon at once, there is a chance that he never would have made it to the human world. The small Digimon weren’t really causing all that much damage anyway so they would have been fine even if they had been left to their own devices. Ah well, they got to prove their worth in the end after a rather long run to make it.

The soundtrack is all right here. As with most of the Digimon films, it takes a rather serious, Godzilla esque tone for the music. There was a nice quick theme that played near the end during the battle on Earth though. I remember that one being pretty solid. I do miss my classic English Dub Digimon evolution theme and hope to see it a bit in Tri or some kind of remix at some point, but I know it can’t always be around.

Also, one thing I definitely like about this film is the fact that the Digimon just hang out with everyone in the real world. I never liked the fact that they were forced to part ways at the end of Season 1, but the films helped to correct that. Now, the Digi Destined can hang out with their Digi partners whenever they want. Even when the Digimon go back to their world, you know that they can always come back to hang out as well. It also gives the humans more options since they can quickly summon a Mega to defend themselves if an enemy suddenly attacks the human world. Otherwise, they’d be defenseless and that would certainly be a problem. The season 2 cast is still basically defenseless without Davis and Ken (I don’t count TK and Kari) so they shouldn’t go too far. I’m still interested in how the 02 cast could lost in Tri, the main two members are fairly tough. Ah well, we’re getting closer to Tri so the mysteries will start to become clear.

Overall, Revenge of Diaboromon was a good way to bring back the fan favorite villain. I’ve always considered him to be similar to Broly in that sense as he is one of the only movie villains to return and it always takes the full cast at their peak in order to stop him. Without the season 2 guys, the DigiDestined would have been doomed against Diaboromon and his new power. He had the complete edge in the Digital World thanks to his army and in the real world his new form’s durability was quite impressive. Omnimon’s attacks couldn’t make a dent in his armor. It was a fun way to say good bye to the original cast until the new Digimon Tri movies. I do wish that the film could have been longer and I’d like the movies to start adding a little more color. It doesn’t have to be a lot all at once as a gradual effect will do, but I like my sharp colors. However, the film still holds its own and I’d put it in second behind Our War Game.

Overall 7/10