Category Archives: Reviews

Star Trek: The Cage Review

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It’s time to take a look at the pilot that began the whole Star Trek craze. It will feel very familiar even if you haven’t watched the pilot before since the original TV show re-adapted this story. It’s definitely not the best one and I don’t imagine that it would have went over very well with the fans, but it’s not terrible either. The main cast just isn’t all that likable and I can see why many of them got the axe.

Captain Pike received a distress call when his ship was in proximity to a nearby planet. He wasn’t thrilled about checking it out since he prefers not to risk his life for perfect strangers, but the others prove beyond a reasonable doubt that someone is down there and now Pike must help or risk looking antagonistic. He reluctantly beams down and is kidnapped by a group of aliens. They used illusions to trick the heroes and their telepathic abilities are formidable. They let Pike know that he has to live a fairy tail illusion life with a woman they rescued a while back or he will be destroyed. Pike half heartedly resists the whole time so he continues to get zapped along with the girl. The rest of the Enterprise tries to help, but it’s no good. Can Pike talk his way out of this one?

I feel like the special intentionally tried to make Pike unlikable. I’m just not sure what the rationale behind such a decision was. One of his lines would be pretty infamous nowadays as one of the lieutenants shows up to give him something to sign and Pike says “I don’t like seeing women on the bridge” That may not be word for word, but that’s essentially what he said. Only men may walk in the main offices and even if they have tasks for him to do, they are to wait downstairs. He even reminds the same lieutenant of that at the end of the film to ensure that they know nothing has changed. It’s not the kind of thing that you would expect from the main character and this was a trait that you wouldn’t soon forget.

Pike also made things hard on the other captive. She lets him know that she’ll be punished if he continues to ask her questions and defy the captors, but Pike continues on. I’m fine with him resisting since he should in this situation, but he should try to keep her out of it. He always brings her into danger by asking all sorts of questions. She tried to switch the topic at least 10 times at one point, but Pike kept bringing it back. Pike’s will power did start to fade by the end, but that’s when two of his crew mates showed up. We learn plot twists about them that we didn’t really need to know and it certainly made the problem a little trickier.

I do have to say that the aliens were lucky that the crew was so docile though. The heroes had actually broken through to the villain base a while back, but didn’t know it because of the illusions. This would have been found out had any of the heroes actually tried to touch the mountain though. I feel like they usually would at some point right? Apparently nobody did and that was that. It was still clever of Pike to figure out this weakness and while the aliens could have still won by using a lot of other illusions and making the heroes walk in circles all day, they had clearly had enough by the end. At least they claim that they won’t try to do the same to any more people. Their goals and motives still seemed to come out of the blue and based on how they actually helped the other captive back in the day..it doesn’t make much sense. Even if she was disfigured, she should have gone back with Pike and the others. I wouldn’t have stayed with the aliens for anything in the world.

It’s just a sad special though and that ends up hurting it in the long run. Lets ignore Captain Pike. Even without him, it would be hard for the special to be too good because the villains are just too powerful. It gets annoying to keep seeing them zap the heroes whenever they try to make a move. They didn’t have many options and you’ll especially feel bad for the old captive since she was apparently treated well at the start of things. I guess the aliens just got corrupted and Pike’s presence was too much for them to resist.

Overall, This special didn’t have a whole lot of Trekking in it, but it still feels like a Star Trek kind of plot. At least we didn’t have a lot of forced romance, but seeing as how the whole episode revolved around the premise of the captive trying to seduce Pike, it was felt anyway. There wasn’t any easy way out of the situation, but I’m sure that a better main character would have made it all more interesting. I’d recommend just watching the actual Star Trek TV show if you’re looking for some interesting plots and you can just skip the pilot. It is just a pilot for a reason after all and I’m sure that they used the critiques from the early viewers to improve upon their original ideas and to make the show solid. I’m sure that one complaint was just that the special wasn’t all that enjoyable. It’s pretty grim the whole time and if that’s what viewers thought they could expect from the show, they probably were not all that interested. It was fun to see the retro special effects though. They’ve actually aged pretty well so that’s impressive. This is just a pilot episode so it is pretty short in case you do decide to watch it. It’s not as if it’s a big investment of your time.

Overall 4/10

A Christmas Story Review

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It’s time for a classic Christmas film. Despite it being so classic, I can’t say that I was really familiar with this movie before watching it or that it left much of an impression afterwards. While not quite as interesting as other slice of life comedies of its nature, A Christmas Story doesn’t make too many mistakes. It just hasn’t aged particularly well, but its use of the narrator voice is quite good and I’d like for more films to do it. It could definitely make the kid characters a lot more interesting and while it wouldn’t completely fix my issue with them, it would help quite a lot.

For Christmas Ralph wants a BB gun toy. Unfortunately, his parents do not approve because it is easy to injure yourself with such a dangerous toy so they continually point out that he should just get something plain instead. Ralph decides that he’ll have to convince them somehow, but he must proceed carefully. Luckily, his adult self is here to show us his thought process and maybe this will be enough to get him to claim victory. Hopefully because he is completely sunk otherwise!

I can’t say that I like Ralph, but I do like his adult voice that is used whenever he is thinking. It makes him sound like a good character and it makes him more interesting as well. Unfortunately, the actual Ralph is basically just your average kid and not even a very nice one. He ditches his friends whenever the going gets tough. If a bully shows up, he’ll let his friend take the fall. If one of his friends is stuck to a lamp pole, he’ll pretend not to know about it. That’s just the kind of guy Ralph is and he’s also a chronic liar to boot. He doesn’t have a lot of good qualities and while he is supposed to be endearing, I can’t say that this ever worked.

His parents were a lot more reasonable although they had their flaws too. The Dad enjoyed the sketchy lamp a little too much and I can see why the Mother quickly decided to break it. His attitude towards the neighborhood dogs was also a little iffy and the most dicey part of the film was when he closed the door on one of their ears. It’s meant to be funny, but if you’ve been following my reviews then you’ll realize that it was anything but funny. The Mother opposed the gun plan and I can certainly agree with her on that. Giving Ralph the soap treatment for repeating a bad word was also a good thing.

It was nice to see Santa and his elves appear as well. They were pretty realistic interpretations of what to expect if you ever went to a mall to meet up with Santa Claus. They are paid by the hour so naturally they wouldn’t want anyone to take up to much time and once it’s 5, they’re ready to head out. Even then they gave Ralph some nice advice so that was awfully considerate of them. Ralph should have heeded the warning since he ended up injuring himself as soon as he got the gun. Not a very smart play eh? There was also a sub plot where the bullies would corner the heroes every day and force them to give up some money. I have to admit that this plot did grow old rather quickly. Seeing it once or twice was enough and the kids probably should have done something about it. Ralph did end up beating one of them up in one of the more cheesy scenes and I guess that ended the plot at least.

One of the better moments of the film was when the Ovaltine conspiracy happened. Ralph had to buy a lot of Ovaltine containers to win the decoder so he could figure out the messages on the radio. It turns out that the message was to “Buy more Ovaltine” which was a nice slap in the face to consumers. It wasn’t even subtle as to get the decoder you had to buy a lot of Ovaltine and now this was saying that you had to buy some more. I don’t imagine that the company had a lot of happy customers, but I suppose that it doesn’t matter too much when they’ve already bought the decoder. It’s a rather slick move, but that’s why it’s so genius.

The film actually has a pretty small cast when you think about it. Aside from the parents, Ralph is really the only notable characters. Yes, there are classmates, the bullies, and Ralph’s kid brother, but they don’t do much. That may be part of the point since Ralph is the main character and he’s telling the story. I can’t say that it matters much either way, but since Ralph wasn’t really a good character, it may have been helpful to have another main lead to help hold the film. There’s no guarantee that the other character would have been much better, but it certainly would have helped the odds. It also may have just come out at the wrong time. If this film was a little older than the writing would have given it a boost and the setting would be all different. If it was newer than they probably would have tried to make it more exciting. This could be a case of wrong place, wrong time.

Overall, A Christmas Story may not do a whole lot of things wrong, but its biggest crime is probably just the fact that it can be boring. The film tries way too hard to be normal and to be an example of an every day Christmas for the every day family. It doesn’t have any animal violence, the writing’s not terrible, and it’s not edgy. The problem is just that it doesn’t do a whole lot of good either. The family tries so hard to be realistic that it really isn’t and the characters don’t have a lot of personality. I think the main problem that the film faces all comes down to Ralph as the main character. Lets face it, it’s hard to have a kid as the main character and still manage to be an interesting film. It’s simply very rare and not even the cool voice could do it. If you’re looking for something peaceful to watch then this film could work well for you, but you’re better off watching another Christmas film like Jingle All The Way or Christmas with the Kranks. They’ll give you more laughs and just have more personality in general. I fear that this film has simply not aged well.

Overall 4/10

The Grudge 2 Review

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This is another one of those films that I was a little surprised wasn’t R. I totally would have guessed that it was the whole time so I’ll give it some props for restraining itself. Unfortunately, that wasn’t nearly enough to turn this into a good film and it’s just as terrible as you would expect. It makes all of the usual horror film mistakes and you will question why this film even exists.

Burning the house in film 1 didn’t really accomplish anything since the Grudge is basically all powerful. Aubrey heads over to the hospital to visit the protagonist from the first film and in this way she gets to say her final goodbyes before the Grudge catches up to them. A reporter by the name of Eason shows up to let Aubrey know what is happening and then they basically acknowledge that they’re also doomed. In another plot, a girl named Allison is thrown into a closet by her classmates and that is where she comes into contact with the Grudge. It quickly takes care of her classmates along with the principal and then finishes off Allison at the end of the film. The third plot involves a little kid who makes the big mistake of getting in the Grudge’s way and is knocked off. The Grudge: 3 Everyone else: 0

To ensure that you don’t really know what is happening, the film’s 3 plots all happen simultaneously although there is around a 2 year gap between two plots and the third is actually a direct sequel, but the film doesn’t let you know that until the very end. It’s not as if it matters all that much though since the Grudge gets everyone in the end. You watch most horror films with the general understanding that the heroes are doomed. Even if they win, they will die in the twist ending or be corrupted. That’s not fine and I dislike just about all horror films, but this one takes it to the extreme as everyone and their families are also taken out. If you even know anyone who knows the Grudge then you’re doomed.

See, it can exert an evil aura which turns people evil. It mind controls one person into murdering someone else and then does the same thing for a bunch of other people. Some victims it decides to let live for a few months or even years in some cases so they can meet other people and expand its sphere of influence. Keep in mind that this is just for fun though as it can just go and destroy someone whenever it wants too. One character was able to live for months only for the Grudge to appear from inside of her sweater and take her to the underworld. It could do so at any time, but just wanted to prolong the whole thing.

It’s rather depressing if you think about it. I haven’t seen the film in a while so I probably can’t even remember how bad it was, but I remember enough for it to get a fairly low score as it is. There is animal violence thanks to the flashback as a cat is murdered. I believe that there is the generic shower scene or at least I do remember one of the characters being in a locker room when the Grudge pays a visit. The film tries to convince you that the Grudge is super scary by having the main characters panic a lot to the point where they can’t control themselves. They’re tormented each and every day and you know there is no escape so it’s pretty dark.

The film has no end to its grit either as the whole film is just really dark. The Grudge forces a family to be destroyed by one of its own and repeats the process twice. It takes out the main character of the first film in a very dramatic way and the list goes on and on. I think the mind control ability is also what really pushes the concept here since I at least like for the main characters to have their free will. If they can’t fight the Grudge and are also forced to be its lackeys….then that’s just pretty sad. The first film was pretty terrible as well, but this one is even worse. It’s not as if there’s much of a difference when you’re this low, but it shows how you can always continue to get worse and worse. It’s tempting to give this film a 0, but it never gets skeevy the way that most 0 films get. A little more animal violence or general violence would have certainly helped get it there though.

If there’s anything positive to say about the film, it’s that the special effects can be pretty good. The Grudge is certainly pretty menacing even if it is a little overpowered. If you ask me, the Grudge should certainly be stronger than the heroes since that’s kind of the point, but I’d like to see them fight back a bit. If not, then I’d like to see the Grudge beat them with cool looking attacks or something instead of always using dozens upon dozens of jump scares and cheesy reality warping abilities. It can basically do anything and that’s a little too much power for any villain.

One last compliment I can give the film is that it can be interesting. Some scenes are just not fun to watch of course, but there are others that can keep you engaged. The good visuals mixed in with the strong villain will ensure that you aren’t bored. The futility of everything will eventually catch up to you though and we can use the classic car crash example. You can’t look away, but at the same time it’s not as if you want to watch it. It’ll hold your attention, but it’s still a bad event. It’s the same with this movie, it’s interesting enough and will keep your attention, but the whole time you will be constantly reminded that it’s a pretty bad film.

Overall, The Grudge 2 is one of those films that you should avoid at all costs. Horror films try their best, but to this day there has only been one good horror film not counting certain subsections like Scooby Doo. The main problem is that horror films rely on all of the wrong tropes that hurt a normal film so when you blend them together it’s clear that the film is not going to do well. Some of these horror films are at least interesting to watch and I guess that’s a start, but what’s the point if the film isn’t going to be good in the end? You should just go and watch something a little more cheerful like Madoka Rebellion or Charlie Brown instead. At least those films will leave you with a sense of fulfillment.

Overall 1/10

The Frozen Ghost Review

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It’s time to look at a retro Lon Chaney film. I’ve seen quite a few of his films and still have a bunch of others to see someday. This one is a classic tale of hypnosis and whether it is real or not. There are certainly quite a few antagonists in this film and their plans are so risky that they can even prove fatal. It’s a pretty interesting film, even if it can get a tad convoluted at times.

Alex is a skilled master of mental abilities and has been working in this trade for a long time. One day a drunk individual shows up declaring that Alex is a fraud. Alex decides to prove him wrong by hypnotizing the guy, but then he also ends up wishing that the drunk would die. The drunk does abruptly die and Alex is thrown into a state of shock. It can’t be proven that he did it of course and everyone tells him that it was a coincidence, but Alex doesn’t think so. He moves into a wax museum to try and get past this and even breaks up with his fiancee Maura. Unfortunately, he has just entered the Lion’s Den as George, Rudi, and Valerie all want him dead. Nina is the only person in the Wax Museum who doesn’t have any ill will towards him, but it’s rather easy to be fooled when everyone around you is giving you false intel. How will Alex get out of this situation without using his mental abilities to fatally end this?

Alex is a good character as always although he can maybe be a little too low in confidence. He immediately blames himself quite a bit and goes into mourning so fiercely that he just tries to make life as tough for himself as possible. It’s not really necessary and pushing Maura away was also a little too extreme. Dishing out his own punishments was definitely not a great call on his part. Alex did have a good plan at the end though and at least he didn’t totally lose himself in what was happening. Maura was a good heroine and she never stopped trying to help Alex. She was able to persevere and was definitely a trust worthy ally that Alex could depend on. He was lucky to have her around.

Nina was rather naive and didn’t handle any situation too well, but it can’t all be blamed on her. As I mentioned earlier, it’s hard to really get what is happening when there is nobody around to give you even a semi-accurate account of what has transpired. She wasn’t a villain at least so that was someone else that Alex could trust or at least not fear. George and the other villains were rather petty and did all they could to smear Alex’s name and erase whatever confidence he had left. They were decent in their roles, but not nearly as interesting as Ilona from another film that I have a review coming out for soon and other such antagonists.

I did like Inspector Brant and while he kept on doubting Alex and not believing in mind powers, I can’t really blame him for that. At least he was doing his job well and quickly hustled to take down the villains. He even swallowed his pride and asked Alex for help at the end with a particularly difficult case. In a rare moment of selfishness, Alex declined as he claimed that he didn’t have any powers just to mess with Brant. I thought that was a little mean of Alex and his decision could have some real consequences. He could have saved a person or even many depending on what kind of crime he may have been able to stop. The fact of the matter is that he let his personal grudge with Brant interfere with his job to help society. Even if it wasn’t a grudge and Alex just wanted to have some fun, it was certainly at the wrong time and I can only hope that Brant was able to solve the case by himself.

You can draw a lot of similarities between this film and Calling Doctor Death. There was a lot of betrayal and hypnosis going around between the main cast. The climaxes may have been a little different, but overall it felt like two alternate routes to what was essentially the same main plot. This film had less monologue from Alex though. Both films were solid, but I might have to give the ever so slight edge to Calling Doctor Death. Regardless, both are rather short films and you can even see them back to back since they’re both pretty fun and fast paced.

You may just lose track of some of the characters after a while. It’s not so much that the cast is big, but everyone has quite a few motives and since Alex is oblivious to everything around him, it’s sometimes hard to tell exactly what is happening. I still say that the villain’s plans also were a little iffy and they definitely wouldn’t work too well against a different main character. There were a lot of gambles here, but most of them paid off I suppose. Without Maura, the villains probably would have had the last laugh here.

Overall, this is definitely another fun film to add to your collection. It doesn’t take itself too seriously aside from Alex since Chaney always takes himself very seriously and always makes sure to be an upstanding guy. Seriously, it feels like people try to tempt Alex to the dark side in every film or give him chances for revenge, but Alex never cracks. He always stays as an upstanding hero and makes all of the right calls. The plot is pretty good and will keep you guessing the whole way. One villain’s fate is rather sad since the plan backfired a little, but that’s why you shouldn’t lock yourself away in a freezer. I forget if that was purely part of the plan or not, but even if it was an improvisation, it’s a sad way to go out. You’ll probably sympathize with Alex as the film goes on and his strong conscience just makes it all the worse for him. I definitely recommend checking this film out and then you can make your own guesses as to whether or not his powers were actually real. For the record, I’d definitely say that they are based on the very first circumstance. I don’t buy into coincidences and it just makes sense. It’d be cool to see how this version of Chaney would stack up against the Werewolf. I may have to actually give this one the edge although the Man-Made Monster, electric version of himself is probably the most lethal. It’s cool to see how many different monsters he’s become over the years.

Overall 7/10

Professor Layton and the Curious Village Review

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This game was stuck on the backburner for a very long time. That final puzzle was just insane and I had to quickly confer with the Gamefaq experts. In the end, I do think it was a fair puzzle though as the squares all seemed rather legitimate. This is a puzzle game that actually handles them really well and the game never felt unfair or unbalanced. It’s one that I’d highly recommend and you’ll find it hard to put the game down once you have started.

The tale follows Professor Layton and his sidekick as they enter a mysterious village. There is something wrong with the place as people disappear or seem to be murdered and then show up the next day. If they want to get to the bottom of this, the heroes will have to solve a lot of puzzles and make their way to the suspicious tower. Luckily Layton is a gentleman so he knows how to handle every situation thoughtfully and with purpose.

Layton’s gameplay is rather easy to understand. You click on various objects to see if they have puzzles or hint coins. Each hint coin allows you to unlock a hint for a puzzle, but you have to spend them wisely as each puzzle has 3 hints, but there are more puzzles than coins. As such, you should only use them on puzzles that you really can’t figure out or you will have used them up on all of the easy ones. I was able to achieve a very nice balance as I had coins whenever I had need of them. Even with the 3 hints, the final puzzle was a little too much though. You’ll never have to do anything complex as the puzzles are purely about figuring things out as opposed to any sort of platforming.

The actual plot was interesting enough. Layton makes for a good lead and he’ll remind you of the Adam West version of Batman. He’s very down to Earth and always considers everything. His young apprentice isn’t quite as wise yet, but he’s learning and always makes sure to complement Layton. There are a host of supporting characters who all seem rather suspicious. As with any good mystery novel, you can’t really trust anyone here. The main villain is also reasonably good although he’s not too charismatic. I wouldn’t mind not seeing him in the sequel since he doesn’t add much to the game, but he’s not bad either. he did add a touch of danger to the climax so I’d say that was a good thing. The train plot will probably be a little better for me as I like a good ride. I have heard that the sequel is shorter though which is a little concerning, but I’m sure it’ll be long enough.

The graphics were certainly acceptable here. It’s the kind of game where graphics don’t really mean all that much and aren’t given a chance to show off either way. There were some fully animated cutscenes though so those looked sharp and a lot of DS games don’t even have that so it was impressive. The stills looked good as well and all of the characters were on point so I’m definitely satisfied with how it all went down. The music is rather boring, but it’s probably meant to be that way so it doesn’t get in the way of your puzzle solving abilities. You’re not really playing this for the music after all, though I am of the opinion that fast paced rock music would actually add to the experience.

There is certainly some replay value here as you can go back and try to solve all of the puzzles. I found a bunch of them, but didn’t actually solve them all. I left the most challenging ones of course and I expect that you would do the same in the game. As such, there is guaranteed to be something to do and the game should easily crack 20-30 hours by the end. The actual game’s length I’d say is probably around 10-12 hours, but it took me 16 because of that final puzzle which I spent hours and hours on. I just didn’t want to surrender, but in the end I have to admit that it defeated me. I have a feeling that a rematch would go quite differently though and I aim to prove that in the sequel.

Overall, Professor Layton and the Curious Village is a great game. It’s just really fun and I could play it for hours and hours. There is really something to be said for simple puzzle games or any game that has a very clear and easy to understand objective. No matter how hard the individual puzzles may be, it’s not as if you’ll ever be lost and wonder what you have to do next. The challenges are straight forward and it’s simply up to you to meet them head on. I look forward to playing the next title as I already own it and will be tackling it very soon. The game is very streamlined all the way through and it’s easy to pick up and play. It can hold its own against just about any other game and is easily the best puzzle game. I want to play Ace Attorney someday to see how it stacks up even if both games are quite different. They’ve always been natural rivals.

Overall 8/10

Mario Party Advance Review

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I’ve wanted to play a portable Mario Party game for a long time. I don’t know when exactly I first started to think about this, but it was probably back during the days where I played Mario Party 4 regularly. Advance is a good enough spinoff and the minigames are enjoyable although the story mode holds it down a bit. It wasn’t really constructed well so I’d advise you to focus on Minigame Mode. I do think Mario Party DS and 3DS will likely end up being better.

The plot of the series is that Big Bad Bowser has stolen all of the gadgets in the world and now Mario must steal them back. The townsfolk have taken them all, but they are willing to give them back if you solve their quests. Sometimes the quests involve going back and forth to find something or 1 on 1 challenges. Regardless, you must complete all 50 quests in order to save everything, but Bowser won’t make this easy on you. He plays for keeps!

Naturally, the plot isn’t really the key thing here. The game board is rather large as you would expect from Mario Party and you roll the dice to see how far you can move on the board. Each turn costs a mushroom and once you are out of them, it is game over and you’re sent home. Your progress is saved though as the only thing that resets is your current quest. You can earn 3 more mushrooms every 3 turns if you win a minigame and there are also spots on the board that have the same effect. Watch out for Bowser Jr though as running into him can have you lose a mushroom or be warped somewhere else. Unfortunately, there is no way to dodge him as it is luck based.

This is where the story mode flops a little. Towards the end of the game Bowser Jr starts to appear everywhere. It’s just not very fair as you can be super close to ending the quest, but suddenly find yourself back at the start. It’s not cool to have to retread the ground that you’ve already covered. The last mission that I did before the final Bowser battle was also a little cheesy and I head to check with Gamefaqs to see what the game wanted from me. The characters kept stating that King Bob Omb was hiding in the Condo, but it only had 3 floors. Apparently you had to hit an invisible option and then you can enter the basement. That’s a bit of a low blow if you ask me.

The majority of the missions were fine though. The trek could just be a bit tedious so I am actually glad that there were only 50 missions. Any more would have been a little excessive. The minigame selection was designed well though as you would typically get a new minigame every time you played. Collecting them all was actually pretty easy for a change so that was a pleasant surprise. Most of the minigames are pretty easy to understand, but some of them will likely take you 2 shots to fully understand.

They’re not made to be overly difficult or anything like that so you should breeze through them. My DS has a weak L button so the Chain Chomp game in particular took a little longer than I would have liked to complete, but the actual game was fair. I didn’t care much for the luck ones, but since when do I ever like those? Mario Party does succeed with its minigame selection and while people have mentioned that the games have gotten worse over the years, I have always liked them. The old games certainly had the best selection, but so long as the newer ones still have that classic fun factor, I’m satisfied. Mario Party’s made to be the kind of game that you can just boot up and play. This one fits the bill although I don’t see why I’d ever choose it over one of the big titles like Party 4.

I enjoyed the retro sprites here. The victory celebration after every minigame was a little annoying after a while though. Once you’ve seen it 50 times, you don’t want to see it anymore. Other running gags were more fun though. I liked Bowser’s little laughing sprite that he’d play whenever you’d go to his lair. It made the whole cutscene a little more enjoyable. His line “*sniff* I really liked that gadget too!” was also pretty endearing. You couldn’t help but feel bad for Bowser as he comes across as a kid who just wants some friends, but doesn’t know how to express himself. In the end, he turned out to be a pretty honorable guy and at least he admitted that he had fun. It was a nice ending for the whole cast. I liked the soundtrack as well. The main Bowser theme was a lot of fun and the rest of the tunes also aged well. There’s just not much to dislike here. It’s a standard Nintendo soundtrack, which means that it is well above average.

There isn’t really any replay value to speak of once you complete the game, but as I mentioned before, the 50 quests should be more than sufficient. It’s certainly a long enough game for the low price that you will have gotten it for. It’s just a fun game overall and a good way to spend a few afternoons. I do hope that the story mode is redone for the sequels though. It should just be a little more fluid and less time consuming to get from mission to mission. I don’t even think that a mission mode is completely necessary as a normal Party Mode would be cool although I guess it’d be hard for the GBA to process. Perhaps by the 3DS game as that one certainly has the specs for it.

Overall, Mario Party Advance is another good party game to add to the collection. I’ve played a lot of party games over the years so trust me when I say that the games here are a lot more varied and entertaining than most. If you haven’t played the game yet, then you should check it out. It’s aged pretty well and just take care not to let yourself get burned out on the story. Play it in batches and you should be just fine. As for the Mushroom Condo, just make sure to look at the invisible option and you’ll also be okay. The Christmas batch of games is roughly at an end now. The only two games left are Buu’s Fury and Kirby’s Mirror, but it could be a little while before I finish those two as I’m working on the New Year’s batch and other games may pop up on the side. Regardless, they will be completed though and that means that the GBA era lives on!

Overall 7/10

One Piece Film Gold Review

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It’s time to look at my first ever One Piece film! I got to see this one in theaters the other day and it feels good to finally join the One Piece community. I’ve seen around 3-400 episodes of the anime and am caught with the manga plus I’ve played several of the games, but checking out a movie seals the deal. Now I just need to work on getting back to One Piece Z, which shouldn’t be too hard. I forgot that it has a DVD release. Gold is definitely a fun film and one that is certainly amplified in the theater. While it is certainly not ready to compete with Naruto or DBZ, it’s a film that stays consistent with the high energy nature of One Piece throughout.

Luffy and the gang finished beating up Doflamingo in what was an incredibly difficult situation so they figured it was time to relax a little. The crew heads to Gran Tesoro, the fictional equivalent of Las Vegas. The entire country lies on a boat which is owned by Tesoro and he puts on a big show for the rest of the world. Beneath the luxery hotels and gambling sites, the place has a dark underside. Luffy and friends manage to gamble away all of their winnings as they underestimated Baccarat’s luck abilities. They try to fight their way out, but Zoro is captured. The crew must now recognize him and stop Tesoro’s plot before it’s too late. Raw strength won’t win the day this time so the Strawhats have to get to action with some stealth.

For a minute there, I actually thought that the film was going to be subbed because of the Japanese credits with no translation. I’m not saying that this would have been a bad thing since I’ve seen many films subbed and it’s always fun, but the Dub really does make a difference. It’s night and day comparing the two versions and it’s fun to hear all of the old voices since I’m still watching One Piece every week on Toonami. The film starts off nice and strong with a quick fight scene as the full crew of the Strawhats get to use their signature attacks against a group of overconfident pirates. I’m always game for an opening action scene and moreover, I think all films should have a start like that. You need to do something that grabs people’s attention and nothing does that better than a fight. The animators also had fun experimenting with the animation during this phase.

Most of the Strawhats didn’t get to do all that much so I’ll quickly gloss over the least important members here. Tony Tony Chopper’s bounty is still significantly lower than the rest and he isn’t all that strong anymore, but he has heart. He helps the team get past some lasers and the whole crew does help in some challenge or another, but that’s about the extent of it for him. Brook also doesn’t do much, but he does have his hardcore moment in the intro where he takes out three pirates. He even borrows the legendary saying “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” as he one shots them. It’s a shame that Brook can’t keep this up forever as he would actually be a great character if not for one trope. Luckily, that one is not present in the film so as far as this movie is concerned, Brook is actually a good character. Sanji’s mostly just around as well and he doesn’t even get his own 1 on 1 fight during the climax. He looks pretty bad for most of the film when it comes to power, but gts to show up some of the guards.

Usopp is pivotal in stopping one of the last villains so that was a good way for him to wrap things up. I expected him to play things up a little more while at Gran Tesoro, but I guess it wasn’t worth the risk. Robin questions things as per usual and is a little more sharp than the others, but with a Captain like Luffy, this ultimately doesn’t help stop the crew from doing whatever they want. Franky’s role isn’t quite as big as the main three, but he helps a lot on the spying part. I’m wondering why he didn’t use his Robot Mode until the end, but maybe it wouldn’t have helped that much anyway given who they were fighting.

Zoro’s role is smaller than the other two since he is captured for most of the film. I wasn’t really disappointed with how he looked though as his battle plan was sound and he did a good job of stopping Dice in the end. The fight was a little closer than you’d expect and I do miss the days when he was portrayed to be around equal to Luffy, but those days are long gone. I still think he was a better character before Impel Down, but in this film he acted a lot like his old self and ended up being the best character in the film.

Nami plays a rather large role here as well. She was pretty misleading when she said that Carina betrayed her in the past, but ultimately we found out the truth by the end. She’s still a good thief as always and she does get her chance to fight in this movie. As the brains behind the Strawhat crew, she’s definitely a member who will always be needed on the team. She’s a charismatic character and her banter with Carina was solid.

Finally, Luffy is the leader of the gang and he is very determined as always. He can’t usually back up his tough talk here as he spends most of the film getting beat up and tricked by the villains, but at least it never deters him. He makes a lot of good speeches by the end and he is certainly the heavy hitter of the team. While he’s certainly no Goku, Luffy’s a good main character. His comic relief moments can sometimes be a bit much as he doesn’t take their plight seriously enough, but he fights when necessary.

Tesoro is the main villain of the film. His gold abilities make him a very deadly adversary and he is very confident from start to finish. This is his world after all and he is used to getting everything that he wants. He gets a sob story by the end and it is pretty drastic. It makes you wonder why he never used his newfound riches to get revenge or see what happened to his friend. Usually, the flashback would have ended with that kind of moment as Tesoro takes out the villains before becoming the villain, but not this time. Of course, Tesoro ended up going off the deep end and becoming a big villain himself so it went just about full circle. It’s hard to sympathize with him when he has made a paradise island for the same villains who stole his friend though. It makes the whole thing rather sketchy.

Baccarat’s the public face of the villains as she scouts out the opponents and uses her luck abilities to ensure that they fall into Tesoro’s trap. His plans wouldn’t work quite as smoothly without her. She’s a good villain and her luck powers are certainly convenient for combat. It’s the kind of power that can be tough to deal with, but luckily Usopp was on the case. She probably wishes that she had toyed with the heroes a little less and gone straight for the win.

Dice was a good villain because of his abilities and how powerful he was, but his personality wasn’t that great. He enjoyed fighting in the wrong way and that gimmick was a little distracting from how good he would have been otherwise. I didn’t expect him to be as physically strong as he was and he was certainly the most intimidating member of the villains. It’s safe to say that only Sanji, Luffy, and Zoro could hope to defeat this guy.

Tanaka’s not as much of a fighter and he prefers to do recon and give intel to Tesoro. He leaves the actual combat to the others, but his ability to phase through things does allow him to fight when necessary. It’s hard to get a bead on the guy because of how quick he is. He held his own well enough and rounded out Tesoro’s trio.

Carina is one of the main heroines in this film and she spends a lot of it switching from side to side. You never know who she will be helping out as she may not even suspect herself. She’s not really a fighter unfortunately, but she has survived for quite a while on the island so she certainly has a talent for living and being sneaky. You can’t help but feel that her task would have been doomed from the start though. There’s no way she could possibly steal a bunch of gold and get away with it on such a big island where Tesoro sees all. She may have been a little too confident there, but she’s a nice addition to the cast and even helped Nami out back in the day. Whether Nami wants to see the truth or not, she would have been in quite the pickle without Carina.

The film also gives us some quick guest star appearances from CP0’s Lucci and Sabo. They show up as a little treat to the fans and get into a quick skirmish, but nothing really comes out of it. I honestly wouldn’t have minded if they just had Sabo win that fight since I think he should certainly have the edge, but maybe Lucci is stronger than I thought. Either way, the situation won’t make the government look all that good, but when are they ever all that heroic in One Piece? It was also cool to see the Magma guy as I can definitely see him being one of the final bosses in the One Piece manga as well. The scenes may not lead to much and you’ll know this beforehand, but they’re still pretty hype.

The main positive of the film is its incredibly high budget. It’s certainly some of the best One Piece animation that you’ll see. The first fight scene gets very flashy as the camera moves around a lot and everyone uses exaggerated attacks. The rest hold up as well with nice effects and consistently good animation. I think the animation will continue to hold up well for quite some time and this is the kind of animation that I’d expect from a 2016 film. Forget CGI, Flash, Stop Motion, Lego, Live Action, and any other techniques you can think of. Classic anime style graphics are all you need. There really wasn’t much of an epic soundtrack to be found here, but the tunes weren’t bad either.

Film Gold is also just fun from start to finish. There’s always something happening and the pacing is nice and quick. It’s the kind of film where you can just sit back and enjoy the show. It does its best to be a complete story filled with a lot of side characters and hintings at their past and then the main plot. There’s no time to fully get into these other character backstories, but I wouldn’t have wanted the film to do that anyway.

That being said, there are some things that keep this from being a great film. For one thing, while there is a lot of action, I wouldn’t say that there are a lot of fight scenes. We’ve got the fight at the beginning and then that’s basically it until the very end when the Strawhats take on the main 4. The final fights are naturally a lot of fun and Luffy’s as well as Zoro’s are played seriously. The group against Baccarat’s was more of a comedy fight, but it was enjoyable as well. The climax was mostly solid on that end.

I did have one main problem with it though and that’s the fact that Luffy’s fight is mainly against Tesoro in his giant form. As a result, it becomes a battle of giant fighters so there isn’t much moving or hand to hand action. Luffy even uses Gear 4 and that’s more of the same since he basically becomes the Hulk. I still think that form was a big mistake as Gear 2 is still the most impressive by far. Even when you see Luffy moving in Gear 4, you’ll wonder how nobody just swats him out of the sky.

This film can also be a little on the fanservicey side at time. Since this takes place in part 2 of One Piece, Nami and Robin are always in a swimsuit and while the film gives them new attire for the Casino part, it’s not much of an improvement for Robin. Nami’s new costume is okay though. Since this is a parody of Las Vegas, you shouldn’t expect the attire to be much different for all of the other characters who show up. Carina also has to use this to her advantage to distract some guards. It’s not all that egregious, but still rather noticeable. Even the racing scene can’t avoid it as the camera angles decide to get a little tricky.

I also think that Film: Gold is one of those titles that probably wouldn’t hold up quite as well in a rewatch. Similar to Battle of Gods which got a 9 immediately after watching it, but dropped to a 7 afterwards, I think Gold would have a bit of a drop as well. Part of what makes it so grand and special isn’t just the animation, but the sound effects as well. They were all quite loud in the theaters and you could really feel all of the impacts. It’s hard to get the same effect at home unless you have a really good sound system. It’ll be a little more noticeable when you’re in the wait between fight scenes.

One plot in particular that will drag on is Luffy’s adventure through the gold sandy wasteland. Nothing really happens there for a little while. I also didn’t care much for the cafe plot as Luffy and friends just watch as someone is beaten up for a while. It’s unfortunately something that the cast is consistent with doing, but most main characters wouldn’t just sit back and watch this go down. It’s probably one of the reasons why the cast has always lagged back a little. They aren’t heroes as they’re just pirates who happen to save the day and it becomes readily apparent at times like this. With the government also being corrupt, it’s rough for the every day citizens. I did say that the pacing was pretty good though and these plots don’t take too long but are the most uneventful parts of the film. I also have to point out that Nami’s big plan at the end of the film doesn’t make too much sense. It revolves around a ton of little events that had to happen just right in order for the plan to work and there was no way that the team could have prepared for such an eventuality.

Finally, I have to say that the Strawhats just looked very weak. They talk a good game a lot of the time and even make some of the right moves, but it doesn’t matter if they’re just going to get overwhelmed. Zoro, Sanji, and Luffy put up such a terrible fight against Tesoro. I don’t think that they should have lost so easily. Zoro I can understand since he was already turning into gold, but Luffy and Sanji had no such excuse. They were simply outsped and that’s just hard to believe since they are so fast by this point. This guy isn’t exactly Doflamingo, they should be able to handle him. I do like his ability to manipulate gold though, I always liked elemental type powers like that.
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Overall, One Piece Film Gold was a fun film. It’s basically a summer blockbuster film and is certainly a technical masterpiece. It may have had its share of issues, but I could easily watch it again. It was really close to scoring that 8, but just missed it. There’s a lot of action and excitement throughout plus I’m always up for a good anime film. It’s a good way to be introduced to the One Piece films and I’m sure that big fans will enjoy the movie even more. One Piece as a franchise has always been below the other big titles for me as the humor and characters just never caught up to the others. As such, it makes sense that the film would have the same problems for me. One thing that would help the other One Piece films would be to have a better final fight and to ignore Gear 4 and mostly just focus on 2. Nevertheless, I’d say that it’s one of the best films in 2016 as a 7 for anime can still take on a 9 for live action. If you haven’t checked this film out yet, then I’d definitely recommend that you do. Now I just have to wait and see how this compares to other upcoming films like Sword Art Online and Yugioh. I am assuming that the other two will likely win, but it could end up being a close fight with Sword Art Online. You can never tell with that series.

Overall 7/10

Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League: Cosmic Clash Review

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It’s time for another Lego Justice League Adventure! This one is quite a step down from the last one, but lets be honest…how could it possibly have topped that one? The last one was near perfection and the series had been hitting it on all cylinders. It makes sense that it would have to slow down at some point and this was that moment. The film may not be all that long, but it didn’t feel that way and several parts slowed it down. Unfortunately, the film lost its identity, but I believe it will find it again.

Brainiac is coming to Earth and the heroes may not be able to stop him this time. This being has conquered many planets before and Earth is just to be another stepping stone for him. To ensure that the Justice League do not interfere, Brainiac erases their memories and sends them into the distant path. Specifically, he does this to Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, and Superman since they are the League’s heavy hitters. Batman must don the cape once more (Well, fine he already had the cape) and travel back in time to restore their memories and then come back to finish off Brainiac. Can the other members buy him some time along with the new recruit: Supergirl, or is humanity already doomed?

The film starts off very strong with the Justice League taking care of business as usual. The way that they handled the invasion was very on point and while Batman may not have been invited for hide and seek…at least the heroes were apologetic about it. I can see their side of the story as well since there is no reason for them to expect that Batman would have wanted a piece of the action right? These films are always at their best when the League is around since the banter between them is always solid.

You all know that Lego Animation isn’t my favorite so the film can’t rely on its animation to get it through to a solid score. The writing and soundtrack have to be on point. While the music isn’t quite as dynamic as some of the other films, it’s still pretty solid as it should be. What helps to make the film pretty good is that the writing is mostly good. This is also what brings it down from past films. The writing is excellent with the main Justice League members. They all look pretty great and Batman steals the show as expected. His voice actor does a tremendous job in the role and the character just has all of the best moments. Unfortunately, the writing falters with Brainiac and Supergirl. I feel like the film overplayed its hand with those two.

Supergirl’s personality is a little different than usual as she’s all about being a cheer leader and constantly cheers throughout the film. “Give me a D and an O and O and M” for example as she keeps on punching out villains and this gets old the very first time that she did it. As she continues on and on…it just doesn’t help matters. I can’t say that I really liked her in this film and she joins Cyborg as a member of the team who doesn’t really feel like she’s there yet. It was a fun in joke though as Cyborg was basically cut off during his big montage moment by the others. All of the main Leaguers got their own big moment inspired by the animated Justice League’s intro, but Cyborg had to share with someone and it only lasted for an instant. I forgot who he had to share with though.

As for Brainiac, he’s maybe a little too silly at times. His dialogue isn’t crafty and subtlety funny like the League members and just goes for more of the obvious jokes. His banter with the other Brainiacs is cool though and managing to see through their ruse was actually pretty impressive. I guess we know why he is the brains of the operation right? He can’t fight the others in hand to hand combat, but he had a lot of robots to make for a bit of a climax. His plan was good at any rate since erasing the memories of the heroes was basically fool proof. It’s just that Batman exists so no plan is ever completely fool proof.

As for the Batman plot, I only liked one out of the three time travel adventures. Wonder Woman’s will be clear as to why I didn’t like it. Batman warps back to the Caveman era so the locale is pretty bad and I don’t care for everyone speaking like a Caveman. It was interesting to see Wonder Woman show her true colors and murder all of the men though. They were asking for it so I won’t really object. Luckily Batman was around to set things straight. Green Lantern’s also dragged on, but not nearly as much. I did like how they incorporated the meme of Batman riding a shark and he just acted pretty hardcore the whole time. I’m not sure about Batman being caught so easily though. The pirates should have been thoroughly outclassed. These two segments are what held down the film to an extent, but at least the final segment helped to make up for it.

Batman winds up in an apocalyptic future that will remind you of Future’s End. Superman is now working for Brainiac so Batman must take him down yet again to prove once and for all who the strongest crime fighter is. Batman won’t even resort to Kryponite because deep down…he’s never needed it! It’s a pretty intense fight and we even have the Legion of Superheroes show up. This was definitely a fun part of the film and I’m always eager to see Batman and Superman go at it. It’s a match-up that never gets old and seeing as how they’re the best characters in all of DC Comics, it’s easy to see why.

If anything, I’d just like to see more of the League next time. When I mentioned that the film lost its identity, it’s that the plot just wasn’t worth it. Having the League sent to different eras ensured that we couldn’t see the whole team for very long. It meant that we only had the D listers in the main plot as Batman tried to gather up everyone in the B Plot. The film is at its best when the League is bantering and making fun of the villains as they humiliate them. We didn’t get much of a chance of that here, but at least we did learn that while Superman is one of the greatest Hide and Seek players, Batman is the best. Just about all of the really funny moments involve Batman, Superman, or the League as a whole. Removing that aspect also ensures that you’re removing a critical piece of the film.

Overall, This is still a solid film though and one that I’d recommend. Other titles like Teen Titans GO can learn a thing or two from this one on how to do humor effectively. Specifically, look at Batman. I can’t stress enough just how good he is and this is one of those cases where he is even better than Superman. Batman gets all of the best lines and character development as well as some of the best action scenes. He’s always got a good plan even if nobody ever listens to him. I don’t know where the League would be without him, but it’s safe to say that the group wouldn’t be nearly as potent. I look forward to seeing which Lego Justice League film comes out next. It’s a series that I hope doesn’t end anytime soon as there are still many stories to tell.

Overall 7/10

The Shadow of the Cat Review

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It’s time for another old film, but one that certainly ended up being quite a lot better. It’s a solid film with an engaging plot and it never drags on since the film is barely over an hour. There aren’t really any good characters for the most part, but that’s fine since they will go down one by one anyway.

One day, Ella is murdered by her butler Andrew. He was in cahoots with her husband Walter and the maid Clara. The three of them took her out so they could grab her riches. Conveniently for them, they even have a Will signed by her that gives everything to Walter. The problem is that her real will is somewhere in the house and they can’t find it. Well, no matter. They invite Beth over because the real will gave everything to her. They just need to take her out of the picture so they can be really safe. The problem is that Ella’s cat saw the whole thing and now she is out for revenge. Can the adults handle one cat or are they doomed!?

The Cat is definitely the MVP here. It’s hard to deny it since the Cat is by far the most efficient member of the cast. One by one she bumps the villains off and does so theatrically. She lets the others know that they will be next and even gives the main villain a heart attack. Walter and the others begin to fear the Cat quite a lot while also disliking it more and more. The ball is still in the Cat’s corner though and she knows the place like the back of her hand. She knows that she can pick off the others whenever she wants so she bides her time…and pounces when the time is right!

Naturally, there’s no way you will feel bad for any of the villains. Andrew murdered a defenseless old woman so he was doomed from the start. Even when he managed to capture the Cat for an instant, he underestimated how long it would take to get to the river and was quickly drowned by the Cat. It was all over for that guy. Walter’s death was only a matter of time as well as he started to have strokes and heart attacks whenever the cat was near. He played the part of the nice guy when everyone else was around, but he couldn’t trick the Cat. Finally, Clara may not have been as directly involved, but she was in on it so that made her guilty as well. Her end was just as intense as the cat slammed her to the ground…from a few stories up! She never stood a chance against the cat’s technique and skill.

Seeing as how the villains were getting tossed and turned the whole time, Walter called for some backup. He invited his corrupt family members over and they all wanted to end his life as well. Clearly, this may not have been his best move and it turns out to be his final one. It’s not like they have any more luck against the cat though. They talk a good game, but simply don’t stand a chance. Not even the ex-con is clever enough to stop the cat.

As for the heroes of the story, I might as well start off with Inspector Rowles. He doesn’t believe this “rubbish” about a cat murdering people and is content to just walk around and look important. He’s easily the most likable protagonist as you have to admit..would you believe that a little cat was destroying everyone? It is a little hard to swallow so I can accept his response. At least he wasn’t too unreasonable and still suspected the villains by the end. Michael’s a reporter who is very eager to believe what is happening and gets to the bottom of the puzzle right away. He’s certainly skilled as he found out everything. His romance with Beth was handled poorly though as it just happens out of the blue. Even then Beth doesn’t believe him about how Walter is evil and she is slow on the uptake the whole time. Beth was pretty annoying. Her worst moment was when a butcher knife was thrown at her and Beth didn’t really care. She just shrugged and kept on going instead of stopping to think that maybe these people are dangerous. She accepts that they are bad people when they keep talking about murdering the cat, but she never does anything about it. She’s also a little too accepting of the fact that she wasn’t in the will. Beth should have suspected foul play there.

This film could have easily taken a wrong turn if the cat had actually been captured and destroyed. The film would have went the ghost route as it avenged itself, but it still would have been too dark. Given how desperate all of the villains were to murder it, I wouldn’t have wanted to give them the satisfaction. How the film went about the plot was just about perfect if you ask me. I mean, it would have been hype to have seen the cat pick up the gun and shoot everyone, but the slow and steady approach worked as well. It’s definitely not too often that you see a cat destroy everyone. The film isn’t too violent either. The most violent scene is probably when Ella got murdered and luckily we get that over with right away. The Cat should have helped there and I was a little surprised that it did not, but at least the Cat helped to avenge Ella later on. Better late than never I suppose.

What also makes this film a little different is the fact that the Cat is avenging Ella as opposed to just being an evil cat who murders everyone. None of the heroes are bumped off since they weren’t responsible for destroying Ella and the new family who moves in should also be safe in theory. I’m sure that the cat would have made for a good villain as well, but it was a nice change of pace to see the Cat as a vigilante hero.

Overall, This is a pretty fun film. It’s not a comedy I believe, but plays out like a good natured slasher film. I know that the term slasher may not be the most appropriate here, but how else do you describe a film where a mysterious, super powerful villain begins to bump off all of the humans one by one? Regardless, the film kept it classy throughout and while the villains were all evil and unlikable, the film never went too far to show us just how gritty and dark they were. Moderation is always key and this film did a good job of that. I definitely recommend checking it out and I’d say that this one beats the Black Cat. We’ll see if the Black Cat sequel can match up to this one though.

Overall 7/10

Voodoo Woman Review

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Uh oh, it’s time for another indie film. You know how some series like Transformers start you off with a low bar? Indie films have no bar at this point so you can only expect to hit rock bottom and not rise above it. It’s rather sad to generalize all indie films like that, but it’s gotten to the point where I’ve probably seen like 10+ indie films in a row and they’ve all turned out to be completely terrible or just very bad. This one is no exception as it manages to reach the legendary 0 score. There’s just nothing good about this film and it gradually gets worse and worse as it goes on.

Marilyn wants to get rich so she murders some guy and gets the bartender to trick a hired guide to take her to some tribes. She wants their gold and will do just about anything to get it. Dr. Chaka tells her that the tribe will let her steal their gold if she goes through a ritual. He wants to do this because he aims to create a super creature who is superior to humankind and then he will show her off to the other colleges. She has different plans for this though and either way, the tribe looks to be in some real danger.

The film starts out at rock bottom right from the get go. We see a dead animal as part of a vicious ritual and then a young maiden having to become a monster. She resists the orders to destroy her village, but it’s still a pretty sad fate. She escapes only to get forcefully used and then murdered by one of the main characters. The film was desperate to stay as dark and gritty as it could throughout. This scene didn’t add anything to the film and just reminded you of what you were watching.

Another ongoing plot is that Marilyn is used to getting what she wants through the use of her feminine wiles, but Ted (The adventurer) is determined not to let her win. As such, he goes the James Bond route. He has his fun, but always reminds her afterwards that he still won’t help her. It’s certainly not the most heroic route to go if you ask me and it just makes both characters look really bad. Rick’s the terrible main character who turns out to be evil and is quickly murdered afterwards. It was good to have him written out of the film at the very least.

Meanwhile, you have Chaka’s wife who is imprisoned in her own home. She makes the mistake of running towards the villains though which doesn’t end well. At least she gets over her husband’s death pretty quick once Ted comes along. Chaka was a bad person and the film made sure to show that quite a lot so it makes you wonder how they ever got together anyway. Meanwhile, one slave tried to help the wife, but was naturally murdered for his efforts. If you leave this film alive, you can count yourself lucky since most of the characters were murdered by the end.

The actual Voodoo Woman in question wasn’t a very scary monster. She could barely move and had to be the slowest villain that I’ve seen since the Gill Man. While she was bullet proof as well as acid proof, I can’t see anyone actually being scared of her in the theater. That means that the film failed on that account. The suit was also pretty low budget and just looked fake the whole time. The film also barely had the Voodoo Woman appear, probably due to budget constraints.

The film’s first half takes forever to go anywhere. The two plots don’t merge until the film is already well into the climax and then it quickly ends. I was glad that the film wasn’t any longer since it had already been dragging on for quite a while. The sooner it was over the better if you ask me. After all, watching a 0 star film is never much of a pleasant experience. How could the film have been better? Well, cut out Rick and all of his scenes, take away Chaka and his experiments, take away Marilyn and her unfortunate plots, take away all of the animal violence, and then we’ve got a film. The problem is that you’re taking away about 80% of the film so it’s a completely different movie by that point right? That’s why there basically isn’t anything to save in this film, it would take a whole other movie to be good.

The only part of the film that could have been semi decent was the corrupt cafe towards the beginning of the film. I like how the bartender robs people and then covers up murders for an extra profit. He covers all of the bases and even robs the people that are about to be murdered so the real murderer can’t take the full cut of the profits. Even here though, the film makes sure to remind you that none of the characters are too smart. One professional is distracted by a dancer who very obviously goes to distract him and doesn’t notice that two villains went into his room in the mean time. This guy was supposed to be smart…how could he fall for the oldest trick in the book? It was pretty disgraceful so it was hard to feel bad for him when he met his inevitable demise. At least he didn’t have to live through the rest of the film so that’s something.

Overall, The Voodoo Woman is a movie that is best left forgotten. It’s not a film that is so low budget that it ends up being good. It’s just a bad film that doesn’t get any better no matter how long you continue to watch it. There are few films that are quite as bad as this one and it’s just unfortunate. I can’t say that I ever had much hopes in a film about Voodoo though. It’s certainly not the most interesting plot device out there. Ideally I won’t be seeing a film this bad again for a while, but you never know. There’s always another film around the bend that it just waiting to reach new heights and once in a while…they succeed! There’s a twist ending in this film by the way so if you somehow watch the movie, stick around for it. It reminds you that the whole thing is futile. Of course, you should watch just about any other film instead of this one. Even Pixels is a considerable improvement since it at least features an arcade.

Overall 0/10