Horror Express Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

Whenever you have a mummy running around you wanna be careful since the heroes are in for a tough fight. This movie adds some tension by trapping all of the heroes on a train. It’s a pretty nice idea and with the body count growing quite high there is a real sense of danger. Unfortunately the film wastes quite a lot of its potential on going for a very gritty approach. The atmosphere is just right and the villain has a pretty interesting design but these factors are not enough to save the movie.

The movie starts by introducing us to the characters. Saxton has uncovered a rather big discovery and something that he hopes will further his research. He wants to keep this a secret though so he keeps a huge box locked up tight and forbids anyone from looking at it. Then you have the Count and Countess who are aboard this train as well along with a monk named Pujardov who is convinced that there is something sinister in the box. Then you have Wells who is hoping to have a relaxing time here. There’s also a lady who has seemingly snuck aboard without a ticket who convinces Wells to look the other way. We’ve got a whole slew of characters here but then one guy decides to open the box and it turns out to be more than he bargained for. The creature inside it is now unleashed and hungers for brains!

I’d consider the monster to be a mummy for the most part just with how he acts/looks. The whole absorbing brains part is more like a zombie though and then he has the stare of death which is like something out of Dracula. So they’re going for quite a lot with this villain and then the kicker is later on we see he’s from another planet. So really he’s an alien, but you could say that he’s an Alien mummy zombie at this point. You could use all 3 terms and it would still be pretty accurate so that’s neat. The villain can assume many forms and manipulates the cast quite a bit. When you mix in his quick stare of death you can see how he is easily able to overwhelm most fighters.

This is a horror film that loves showing everyone get murdered for as long as possible though. Prepare to see all of the characters get choked for a long time with epic zoom ins as they try to fight back. Everyone dies rather bloodily and there is a big body count here. We also see the characters run autopsies on screen which can be pretty brutal. The effects are on point but if you’re not a fan of scenes like that then you definitely may want to take a step back here. The film doesn’t shy away from these scenes and can definitely get pretty graphic.

As for the characters, Saxton is definitely quite sure of himself and has no real sympathy for anyone. He’s no hero so it’s an interesting change from what you would expect. I found him to be pretty fun even if he was part of the problem for the heroes during most of the movie. If he was a little more reasonable then things wouldn’t have gone this far. Then you have Wells who is a lot more heroic and willing to help out. He’s not exactly thrilled about this going on while he’s trying to enjoy the ride but at least he actually wants to help. He comes up with some good plans as well and helps make most of the discoveries on what is going on here.

The Count doesn’t get much of a role except to wave his death flag quite high. The Countess’ role is significantly larger as she gets very close to the action. Near the end it feels like she’s just running from zombie to zombie but she never fainted or anything like that which is good. You’ve got the monk Pujardov who cracked almost instantly. He’s definitely not someone that you want to have your back because you just couldn’t trust him to protect you when it counted. That’s the kind of support that you just don’t need. Then there’s the inspector Mirov who meant well. It’s always good to have a cop on board to try and keep everyone calm. At least he got a shot off which was definitely appreciated. Likewise you had Kazan who was a lot more extreme but at least threw a knife at the villain and even got a few shots in so tht was pretty impressive. just a little more and he could have won.

Of course, you do have to question how likely it is that this villain would be down for long. He is effectively living energy or a kind of being that is not physical the way that most are. I even doubt that in the ending of the film he is truly gone. These kinds of villains always seem to regenerate and try again in the future. Still, the heroes did pretty good. At least the fact that he has to body hop when the vessel is injured enough is a decent weakness since it buys you a lot of time to escape. The second half of the movie switching to more of a thriller on wondering which body was currently housing the villain was a nice approach.

Overall, There was definitely a lot going on in this train. The Horror Express is an interesting movie and one that is pretty unique. It’s very rare that you have a horror/survival film that takes place on a train. I’ll give the film kudos for that but ultimately it will still be doomed to a low score in the end. The violence can be over the top quite often and the surgery scenes don’t help matters. At times the film is just more focused on the shock value then on actually moving things forward. You could have easily handled this film a lot differently and would have come away with a superior plot. If you’re a huge fan of survival stories and don’t mind the violence then I would recommend it but otherwise you should check out a different option like The Green Slime.

Overall 3/10

The Black Sleep Review


Cheating death never tends out to work very well in these films. Why would it right? The scientists tend to be quite mad and will stop at nothing to accomplish their goals. It isn’t really a recipe for success I would say. The movie has a decent premise but the main character is definitely not very bright in the slightest. I wouldn’t say this works quite as well as a lot of the other retro films I’ve seen but it should keep your attention decently well as you progress through the adventure.

The movie starts with the main character (Gordon) preparing for death’s door. He was said to have murdered someone and so he got the death penalty. His friend Joel shows up and offers him a path to escape his fate. He has to ingest the drug known as the Black Sleep. Gordon has nothing to lose so he does this and then wakes up in the doctor’s office. The drug simulates death so Joel pulled some tricks and got him out of it. Gordon owes his life to the man now though so he agrees to help in the experiments. Basically, Joel is trying to revolutionize brain surgery. He’s trying to prove that each part of the brain operates a different part of the body. Gordon is on board with this but then he finds out just how drastic these operations are. Joel is experimenting on people who are still alive and may scar them for life. Can Gordon really help him with this?

Well, any reasonable person would walk away right? Not Gordon, he’s definitely willing to play ball. Here’s the problem with this, the film could have played it off like Gordon felt he owed Joel a lot so he would go through with it despite his personal feelings. The film doesn’t really play that angle up. Gordon just seems to think that Joel has a point that this is worth the sacrifice. Even after seeing how shady Joel was, Gordon wouldn’t believe Laurie either. It takes quite a lot to convince him that this is all pretty sinister and then he quickly tries to play the hero. The problem is that Gordon is a very willing accomplice the whole time so his big turnaround at the end doesn’t feel very earned or heroic. The guy is just playing the field the whole time and doing whatever he wants. It’s hard to find him likable.

Joel isn’t likable either of course but he’s your standard mad scientist. I wouldn’t say that he’s a weak villain or anything. He’s just completely standard and you either like the villain type or you don’t. At least he actually has a reason for doing this but it just doesn’t excuse anything. He’s also failed many times as we learn when we see the dungeons later on. You’d think he would have gotten a little better at it. The idea is that he has made a creation by turning off a different part of the brain each time. So one person can’t talk, another can’t hear, etc. Definitely makes for a collection of crazy mistakes from his side.

It also makes the whole place pretty unsafe. In particular you’ve got one monster running around who keeps trying to choke people or attack Laurie. Only one lady in the house is able to calm him down and she rarely appears in time to stop his initial attack. Gordon nearly died early on when he walked into the hallway although I don’t think he could have expected anything else when it was so late at night. He’s not exactly a super sleuth and even when he has his big James Bond moment of using the secret passage he is caught rather quickly.

There isn’t a lot to say about Laurie meanwhile. She’s really hoping Gordon realizes what’s up so he can get her out of there. The problem is that he’s not very quick on the uptake and in the meantime she’s stuck. I have a lot more sympathy for her than Gordon because you do feel like there’s no way she could escape on her own. Then you’ve got Udu who is Joel’s right hand man and supplies the bodies. Typically a mad scientist always needs some kind of brute to do the heavy lifting while he’s doing the research. Udu fills that role for sure.

You can see that some parts of the film are pretty strong as you go through it. For example, I thought the writing was pretty good. The characters may not be super likable but there is some good back and forth dialogue between the characters. We have your classic debates of how much research you should do and to what ends. The film’s pacing is on point as well so I wouldn’t say it drags on. It’ll just depend really on if you can get past the characters not being great. It’s also not the most original plot and while that’s not a bad thing, you feel like other films have executed the themes better than this one. The Black Sleep just isn’t a very memorable film.

Overall, The Black Sleep tries to execute a fairly straightforward plot with a rather small cast. There just isn’t any standout member to be had though and while the creations may make for good shock value it’s not like they can do much to further the plot. You could cut or keep them and it doesn’t effect the film all that much. I’d say it was just here to convince Gordon in the end that he had to get out but he should have realized that a lot sooner. If I was Laurie I would still be rather sore at him taking it all for granted. It’s not a bad movie though, I’d put it a little above the middle. It’s definitely not a bad movie. I can’t picture myself checking it out again but if you want a quick little adventure about the horrors of science then this could be a decent pick.

Overall 6/10

Haikyu!


I started this series a little while back and it’s definitely been a pretty hype title. I’ll have a review up for when I finish it but you really can’t go wrong with Volleyball so I don’t see this title taking a dip. Every sport should have a definitive manga title and with this one in the books that’s one more sport complete to join Basketball (Kuroko), Football (Eyeshield 21) and Tennis. (Prince of Tennis)

Overall 8/10

Oceanus Shenron vs Ra Mu




Suggested by Sonic Oceanus Shenron was easily one of the least impressive Shadow Dragons back in her day. She could make tornadoes and such but that’s not really all that impressive. Fortunately for her Dragon Ball Heroes is here to help. Not only was she able to possess an Android and gain his abilities but she unlocked her own Super Shadow Dragon state much like Omega Shenron. While it’s nowhere near that powerful, it will be enough to overwhelm Ra Mu. His durability won’t be enough to protect him here. Oceanus Shenron wins.

Wii Fit Trainer vs Meddy




Suggested by Sonic Meddy’s not really much of a fighter. She can throw around her capsules as bombs but that’s about it. It puts her in a pretty bad spot to even take on someone like the Wii Fit Trainer. Wii Fit has energy blasts at her disposal and can even make energy clones via her final smash. Meddy isn’t quite prepared to handle a fighter like that and would be overwhelmed in both speed and technique. Wii Fit finally gets herself a good win to move up the ranks. Wii Fit Trainer wins.

Tetsuya Kurodake vs Crow




Suggested by Sonic It’s time for a battle of cardfighters. It’s hard to say as a verse which series is higher tier. Yugioh 5Ds had some crazy dragons by the end but Buddyfight had gods of destruction running around with the 9 demon lords. Tetsuya always got the short end of the stick when it came to that though and a big deal to think about is also that in Buddyfight there are less trap cards. Tetsuya has a lot of direct attack moves but I wouldn’t say that any of them would be enough to get through Crow’s arsenal. Birds of a feather flock together after all. Crow wins.

King Dedede vs Turboman




Suggested by Sonic I’m not really sold on Turboman but I’d have to say the same thing about King Dedede. Dedede is big and strong but I wouldn’t say that he is particularly fast. He will have a hard time landing blows here. Turboman meanwhile will be able to keep on barreling into King Dedede until the match is won. Dedede has had his powers amplified several times over the years but this just won’t be enough to win. At the end of the day you need more than raw power and Dedede just doesn’t have enough of those attributes to claim victory. Turboman wins.

Alex Rider vs Robin (Tim)




Suggested by Sonic Alex Rider is a pretty decent agent. He has quite a lot of gadgets at his disposal and as the books went on he did get proper training in hand to hand combat. Still, there’s a big difference between ordinary training and being trained by Batman. Robin’s gadgets are better and he’s also the superior fighter so that leaves Alex Rider out of luck right off the bat. There’s just not a whole lot that he can really do against Robin here. For Robin it would just be like taking down another minion. Robin (Tim) wins.

James Bond vs Longshot




Suggested by Destroyer James Bond has returned and now he is up against good ole Longshot. Longshot is hardly one of the most impressive X-men fighters. In fact, I would go as far as to say that he is one of the least impressive ones. The guy just isn’t ready for most fighters but he does have slight superhuman speed and strength thanks to a lifetime of combat. I wouldn’t put any stock in his luck abilities but he will win in a gunfight or hand to hand here. Longshot wins.

Hellboy vs Dragon Man




Suggested by Anonymous Dragon Man is a pretty powerful robot. He may be rather large but he can move at high speeds and has some pretty intense abilities. His fire breath will be negated here since that doesn’t really hurt Hellboy. It then comes down to physical power and speed. Dragon Man seems to surpass Hellboy in both of these areas. Hellboy’s sword will deal a lot of damage if he can get close but I don’t believe he will be able to get in range to do this. Dragon Man’s speed will prevent this in combat and he is durable enough to take a few stray hits while they come to blows. Dragon Man wins.