Lex Luthor vs Tifa

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Lex-Luthor
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Suggested by Destroyer Tifa is definitely a cool character, but I’m afraid that she did not get quite as many feats as Cloud over the years. She has a good amount of super strength and speed at her disposal, but they aren’t at the crazy amounts needed to defeat someone like Lex. Lex has taken Superman’s abilities on multiple occasions and that will give him the edge over Tifa in this round. Anything that she can do, Lex can match and do better. Her magical attacks will be useful, but none of them are enough to compensate for the physical differences between the two. Lex Luthor wins.

Goliath (Gargoyles) vs Black Adam

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Goliath
Black_Adam_DCnU
Suggested by iKnowledge Goliath is a powerful foe, but Black Adam is physically stronger. This proves to be a very bad turn of events for Goliath since his whole gimmick is that he’s really strong. He has no other special abilities to fall back on while Black Adam also possesses a great amount of speed at his disposal as well. He’ll be able to easily hit Goliath with an onslaught of blows at super speed and Goliath won’t be able to counter this. Black Adam wins.

Constantine Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version. All thoughts below should be read as such as a review of the unedited version would be even more negative.
Constantine-2005
Well well, it’s time to look at a horror film that also happens to be a comic book film. I’m not sure about this combo and it certainly didn’t work out this time. Constantine ends up being a very weak title which contradicts its own message and spends a lot of time wondering just where the plot went. One thing’s for sure, this isn’t the sleeper hit of 2005 and it even makes the recent Ghost Rider film look good.

The film’s about a guy named Constantine who exorcises demons. He wants to be allowed into Heaven since he has done a good job of keeping the demons away, but the angel Gabriel reminds him that one cannot enter into Heaven on good works alone. Constantine shows his contempt for this by slamming a Bible on the ground, insulting and berating a lady who is trying to save her sister, and then torturing a spider that he found in his house. Yeah….I wonder why they aren’t letting this guy into Heaven….It’s impossible to root for Constantine from this point on, but one thing leads to another and he’s the only guy standing in the way of a mad quest for power with human lives in the balance. Looks like it’s time to fight again!

It’s hard to know where to start on how bad this film is. We may as well get the ball rolling with Constantine since I’ve already started taking shots at him. He’s just a horrendous main character. Constantine doesn’t seem to even pretend to follow the Bible’s teachings. He spends the entire film being mean to just about everyone and his opening scene where we’re supposed to be impressed with how he handles the exorcist just makes him look bad. He’s not even that good at his job and barely manages to scratch out wins. Constantine loves smoking as well and even after he gets lung cancer, he decides to keep on smoking anyway. Once he gets a sidekick, Constantine tries to be a little more heroic when he’s not pulling guns at demons at a bar where there’s a truce, but it’s too little too late. I’ll never forget the spider incident. Sure, he had a bad day, but taking it out on another living creature is way past crossing the line.

There’s also this subplot in the desert where a guy finds a spear which mind controls him and forces the guy to come over to the city. Not only does this plot go nowhere until the very end of the film, but it is immensely boring and just slows the film’s pacing down even more. The film never really gets good or exciting so it may not matter all that much while you’re watching, but it doesn’t help matters.

The film can also be pretty violent at times and also just grotesque with the various demons running around. Supernatural films like this one love going for those crazy visuals. There were some good ones here like when Constantine went into hell. I liked how the place looked and the film had potential with some of the fight scenes and other special effects. It was one of the few positives that this title had to offer.

Back to the negatives, the film decides to make God (Yes, the film actually decided to go with the real God in this film. Big mistake considering that they decided to make him look terrible) look incredibly unintelligent and he spends the entire film getting tricked by everyone around him. Part of the premise in this film is that God and the Devil are having a chess game with humans being the pawns in it. Neither one of them can affect the humans directly, but they can tempt them. The Devil tempts them to do wrong things with his demon hybrids while God has the half angels. Full fledged Demons and Angels are forbidden from interfering. Aside from the moral ambiguity of this game, you’d think that God would ensure that the match is fair right? Nope, he doesn’t realize it, but the Devil has rigged the match from the start.

He’s not even subtle as he just summons a bunch of Demons to Earth and directly attacks people. His allies even go to bars and start indiscriminately murdering people. They also murder one of Constantine’s allies and an angel can do nothing but watch since he’s heavily outnumbered. Of course, the fact that the angel was watching and doing nothing the entire time is another negative. It gets even worse as one of the higher ranked Angels turns out to be crazy and evil. God appointed him as one of the 4 big Angels so you’d think that the interview process would have been more rigid. The Angel believes that he’s still a good guy and that genocide will help the human race turn to God before they die. He believes that suffering always has this effect, but you can see how crazy he is.

Also, the Devil is portrayed as incredibly strong and while God won’t set foot on Earth, he has no qualms about it. He shows up and wrecks everybody. The final straw is the fact that he can mess with Heaven as well. So, remember the part where Constantine can’t earn his way into Heaven with actions? Yeah…the film forgot about that. By being heroic and helping someone out, he was able to earn his way into Heaven, but the Devil can’t have that. He literally reaches up and just pulls Constantine back to Earth. Wow…..I can’t even….

So…yeah, this movie had a very warped idea of how Heaven and Hell works. It’s always nice to see a film actually bring Christianity to the forefront and tackle these concepts, but it was done so horrendously that it backfired completely. I don’t believe we even got any lines where the characters remind Constantine that he can only get into Heaven through Jesus Christ. It seemed to completely revolve around being a nice person instead, which is 100% false. No matter how many good deeds you do or how nice you are as a person, it will never be enough to get you into Heaven without accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. The whole point of faith in Christianity is that you know that you can’t make it to Heaven on your own. You need Jesus, but this film decides to go around that. Also, the concept of an Angel being evil is pretty terrible. Lucifer was an angel once and there are other Fallen Angels, but they are fallen. There aren’t any evil Angels still lurking or anything like that. That’s just Hollywood trying for an epic plot twist, but there isn’t any to be found in Heaven. I don’t think for one minute that any bad guy can trick God into letting him in.

As for the rest of the supporting characters, the main heroine was decent. Angela was certainly a big improvement over Constantine and she goes through a lot of trials in order to help her sister out. Her sister committed suicide, but Angela knows that she would never do such a thing and it finally helps her to believe in the supernatural. This brings another negative to light which I almost forgot about. All right, stay with me here since the film decides to use its crazy logic again.

So, a demon possessed Isabel and forced her to destroy herself. That wasn’t her own free will so she surely wouldn’t be penalized for it would she? Nope…she actually is. See, as part of the match, this falls into the whole “Satan influencing people” part so it’s actually a legitimate victory for him with Isabel now being doomed to Hell for eternity. Now you can see how this whole game is so rigged right? Luckily, Isabel ends up having a happy ending, but once again, the Devil was just portrayed as way too powerful here. Essentially, he was the one with power over Heaven and Hell in this version given how he can influence the game to such a degree.

So, Angela’s a good character. I also liked Chas, who’s the comic relief character of the film. He did a good job in the role and helped out as best he could. Things didn’t go too well for him, but he does get a big plot twist in the post credits scene…which may or may not be canon as I also read that it was an alternate ending. I’m pretty sure that it is canon though, but I don’t really care enough about the film to do any searching. If you see the film you can stick around past the credits and tell me if it’s there. None of the villains were particularly likable and the demons didn’t have great designs. The final fights were pretty decent, but Constantine was so far out of his league that it was scary. He’s a human with a gun….there’s only so much he can do against a very fast/powerful demon. Plot hax is really his only weapon at this point.

Overall, Constantine is pretty terrible to be honest. I’d stick far away from this film if I were you. The film defies its own logic and the logic is already super flawed and fake from the get go. You won’t learn anything from this film because there is nothing to learn and the actual movie isn’t well made anyway. Constantine is a very unlikable main character and even the edited version can’t save the film’s writing and the excessive violence that shows up at times. All of Constantine’s allies (One of which is a priest who likes to drink a lot. Gee….the film had to fit that in didn’t it?) are doomed to painful and unfortunate ends at the hands of the demons and since the heroes never had a shot from the beginning…what’s the point? If you want a better comic book film, I recommend Batman V Superman, the original theater version. That film has it all, hype, action, and an epic soundtrack!

Overall 2/10

Super Mario 3D World Review

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I’ve been meaning to buy this game for ages, but it just never happened. Luckily, I ended up buying a Wii U from a relative and got a few games for free. This one happened to be among them so I finally got a chance to play the final 3D Mario adventure. While it isn’t quite as good as the others, it’s still a great game and one that I’d recommend to all Mario fans. With 4 Player Mode, you can imagine how chaotic a lot of these levels are. There’s also a lot of content here so you won’t be cheated out of 60 dollars like with Star Fox Zero. Not that this matters much at the moment though since the game goes for 20 nowadays. At that price, how can you not get it?

The plot is pretty simple and to the point. Bowser has kidnapped a bunch of fairies and Mario has decided to get them back. Bowser has amassed quite the army this time though so Mario has enlisted the help of Luigi, Peach, and Toad. Together, the four of them are ready to take down all the foes who would dare stand in their way. Rosalina also shows up to help, but only after Bowser has already been defeated so it was a little too late by that point. Awesome character to play as though.

By now, the gameplay is likely self explanatory to most Mario fans. It’s a 3D Mario Platformer where you have to try and reach the end of a level. They are all linear so the levels work more like the 2D games or Galaxy to an extent rather than the more complex/circular levels from the Super Mario 64 and Sunshine days. (Still the best two Mario games) Each character has a special ability that will help you complete the levels. Mario…is Mario. The sheer hype that his cap brings to the table is all that you need. Luigi can jump extra high which should help you reach the flagpole just about every time. Toad has some super speed which can help in the races/speed levels. Finally, Peach can float for a limited time which is like having the Raccoon Tail permanently. Her ability is easily the most useful and I’d say that she is unquestionably the best character in the game. Getting the Green Stars with her is almost too easy. As for Rosalina, she can spin, which works as an attack like having the Tail. It’s pretty useful against bosses and enemies alike. That being said, I’d still give Peach the edge over her. Once you start floating around, you don’t go back!

As always, Mario 3D World has an impressive soundtrack by its side for the levels. While they aren’t quite as ironic as the other titles, there are still a few themes that may become iconic from this one like the boss theme. The game did a very good job with that one since it is fast paced and gets you excited for what’s to come. Graphically, the game is also as good as ever with the colors really standing out. Nintendo’s definitely done a good job of staying near the forefront in this area.

As mentioned earlier, there is a lot of replay value here. After the initial 8 worlds, there are 3 bonus ones and then a final secret world. The last world is a little on the small side, but to unlock it you will need to collect all of the Green Stars and stickers, which should take you a very long time in and of itself. The stickers were actually a neat touch, but I don’t like the fact that you have to beat all of the levels with each character in order to unlock some of them. That seems like it would be a little tedious after a while. Most of the levels are only about 2-5 minutes long so it’s not terrible, but you shouldn’t have to do all of that to unlock the world. All of the Green Stars is reasonable, but not the rest of the requirements.

The game does have a little bit of an issue with repetition though. You can guess what will happen in each world based on the first. You’ll get to the castle, where the Fairy will yell “Help!” You’ll save her and then she’ll build a pipe to the next world. This happens at each world with the same music and everything. Both of the Bowser battles are identical and the game also reuses mini/normal bosses in the game. I suppose with a title this long that’s an efficient way to do things, but the repeated cutscenes is certainly a no no. At least switching up the music would be a nice switch.

The Mario games live in a staus quo that they don’t want to switch and that’s fine. I can get used to fighting Bowser at the end every time because it’s classic. That being said, It would be fun if the games would throw in more of a plot. I feel like Mario Sunshine took a large step forward with that as it had actual cutscenes and a talking character. Granted, Mario didn’t handle his arrest as well as Sonic did in Adventure 2 Battle, but..heh, few characters are quite as cool as that hedgehog!

One of the big selling points with this title was the fact that you could play with 4 players through the story. That was certainly fun. It comes at the expense of the gameplay mechanics to an extent as there has been a noticeable drop from the Galaxy titles, but it was still good overall. I do think that splitscreen should return though as one player shouldn’t die if he goes too far from the other. This can get tricky in the stages where jumping switches them all around or when you’re running away from lava/Bowser. It makes for good tactics though and Peach can typically cheese the levels anyway. You’ll always want to play as her.

This game also saw the debut of Captain Toad so it was nice to see him around. The gameplay is fun and these are the kinds of puzzles that I can get behind. They are like brain warmers with one correct answer and not too much guesswork. You’ll either know the answer of you’ll have to walk around and figure it out. You don’t have to sail across the world in order to find the goal. (Final Fantasy VII…..) I definitely wouldn’t want to buy Captain Toad for 40, but if it drops to 20 then that could be reasonable. It would be ironic if I bought that game before New Super Mario Bros U or Luigi Mansion Dark Moon though since it’s more of a spinoff than those two.

Another minigame of sorts in this title was the box challenges. You could earn up to 10 Green Stars in those by winning really quick contests. These tended to be a lot easier with co-op than they would have been otherwise for missions where you had to defeat several enemies in 10 seconds. I liked these bite size challenges and would be up for seeing them reappear in the NX Mario title. I want the Hub World to come back for next time though. Just look at Mario 64 or Sunshine for how to do a Hub World. Galaxy had it as well, but it was a lot less interesting so the next game shouldn’t take a leaf out of that book.

Overall, Mario 3D World is another solid title from Nintendo. It feels like a well polished title with enough fun and extra content to keep you busy for a while. It’s still the weakest Mario 3D platformer, partially due to the fact that it plays out more like a 3D New Super Mario Bros than a full fledged title. The soundtrack also wasn’t quite as epic as those and it felt like it was less of a grand installment. I imagine that it wasn’t a system seller the way that the others were. Still, Nintendo’s seal of quality is certainly found here and I invite you to try and match your gaming skills against this title. Are your Mario skills as good as you think they are?

Overall 8/10

Reign of Fire Review

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It’s time to look at an old Game Boy Advance game that I’ve had for a very long time. I finally managed to complete it the other day as I just barreled through the game from start to finish in 2 batches. It’s a game that definitely feels like a cash in and even embraces this, but still has some potential. There are fun aspects to the gameplay, but the overall product definitely needed more polish. In the end, this didn’t end up being a surprise hit or anything like that, but if you’re looking for a fun way to spend 2-4 hours, this is your ticket!

The story of the game roughly follows the movie, but it only contains the bare minimum requirements of a plot. The game starts off with characters yelling about supplies and that dragons are dangerous. You spend a few missions growing crops, destroying Dragon Eggs and adding more people to your crew. Rinse and Repeat for 9 missions. I was fully expecting one of the groups to betray the heroes since I feel like that happened in the film, but instead they all jump into the alliance wholeheartedly and say the exact same things. “Why fight each other when we can fight dragons?” They all seem so sincere that you will naturally be very suspicious the entire time. I know that I was! Still, you probably aren’t playing this game for the plot.

Instead you are playing this for the gameplay. It uses an overhead style similar to Marvel’s Ultimate Alliance. You have an unlimited ammo of missilles that work just like bullets as you mow down the legions of dragons that chase you down. You don’t have to worry about the flying ones as they will rarely even fire a single shot, but the ones on the ground are the tricky ones. The Red Dinos can fire off multiple fire blasts and your allies will typically get hit every time, leaving you to fend off the armies on your own. You can find health supplies along the route so use them whenever necessary. Most of the missions will involve you searching for something so follow the compass and you’ll hopefully be fine.

The core mechanics of this game don’t seem all that bad. Walking and shooting can work well as a decent, linear experience. Think Super Mario or Pac Man, the games are simple, but effective. The problem is the technical limitations of the game. For starters, you can’t run. The characters move very slowly while the environments are incredibly large and sparse. This makes for a bad combination since you can be walking for several minutes in a row. There’s a reason why they give you a full 30 minutes to complete each level after all. Furthermore, the compass is rarely accurate. As I just said, the levels are huge and there are mountains blocking off several paths.

Let’s say the compass is pointing straight down. You’ll start heading that way only to be stopped by a long row of mountains as far as the eye can see. You must now guess whether the path to get lower is right or left. Choose incorrectly and you won’t make it back within 30 minutes. You can literally spend that entire time just walking around. This is partially due to the fact that all of the levels seem to share the same map and each level covers a different part of town. If you make a wrong turn in level 6, you may wander into the level 1 area and that journey takes a very long amount of time. Personally, I’d say that each level should have had its own stage. At the very least, you shouldn’t be able to walk between them by mistake, that doesn’t seem right.

That part was easily the most frustrating aspect. It’s not as bad as a bad puzzle or anything like that, but it really does slow your momentum down. The game isn’t very difficult once you understand what to do, but the game really does leave you to your own devices right from the start. For example, I died in level 1 many times because I didn’t know how to enter the Harvestor vehicle. Once I found that out, it was smooth sailing and the rest of the levels were pretty easy. There actually is a final boss so that’s neat. You have to fight against a giant dragon. The anticlimactic part is the fact that this dragon isn’t really any stronger than the minions. It has a lot more health, but it won’t even try attacking you since it just burns houses in the meantime.

After completing the human’s campaign, you unlock Dragon Mode. I wish this had been around from the start since it is certainly a lot more fun than the first mode. Granted, I probably would have started with the humans anyway. The gameplay is similar except you play as a dragon so you can fly and you also have super speed while walking. That really fixes one of the big negatives that I had with the gameplay. It is a little lazy that all of the dragons have the same emoticon/facial picture though. It’s interesting to see things from their point of view. I only completed two of their levels and probably won’t go and beat the others anytime soon. It would be fun, but I have other games to play and spent enough time on this one.

It does help the replay value though. Make sure that you jot down the password saves after each level because you likely won’t be able to find them online and then you’d have to start all the way from the beginning again. I do wish that the game had a save feature and I’m glad that it has become the standard for games nowadays. It really can make a world of difference. I would like to quickly point out that one of the pictures used for one of the characters instantly reminded me of a twitch emote. I dunno, the resemblence may not be all that striking from this angle, but go to Twitch chats for a while and it will all start to make sense.
Emoticons

The graphics aren’t bad, but they’re not great either. The title didn’t put a whole lot of effort into the character models. Everything is clear in the sense that you can distinguish between all of the objects, but they do tend to be a little blurry and unrefined. The soundtrack is fairly limited although I did play most of the game on mute. I made sure to listen to it a little afterwards though. It’s just not all that special or spectacular and you may want to keep it off as the constant sound effects from shooting and all of the explosions make it a very loud experience.

Overall, It feels good to be done with this game once and for all. The first level had be worried that the game would be quite terrible, but it picked up quite a bit from there. It’s still not a great game or even a very good one, but it can at least hold its own now. I think you’ll enjoy playing it and the game should be up for sale at less than 5 dollars online. For that price, it’s a bargain to snag. There are around 18 levels if you play both campaigns so that should buy you enough time to make the purchase worth it. With this game gone, I’ll have to see which game takes the top priority spot next time. It may be time for Yugioh to make a comeback.

Overall 6/10

Pokemon: We’re The Mew Research Team Review

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It’s time to look at a quick Pokemon one shot that came out. This manga is less than 30 pages long so there’s only so much that it can do. Of course, that also makes reviewing it pretty easy since I can just read the chapter and immediately review it afterwards. It does a good job of capturing the hype that we all felt when Mew was first released. I wasn’t even playing Pokemon seriously at the time and I can still feel the hype and the tension that was involved. The manga really goes for a lot of slapstick which can be trying for many, but it never goes too far into crude humor territory.

It starts out with a kid looking at his Pokedex and realizing that he has caught every Pokemon across Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn except for the legendary Mew. He wonders about this when Atsushi bursts through the store and decides to tell the kid about how Mew was first discovered. This leads to a flashback of 9 years ago where Atsushi and Gorita decided to compete over who could get the Pokemon first. They were each tied at 999 wins and 999 losses so this was the deal breaker. What we get after this is them using whatever means necessary to find out info about Mew. They run around town, ask locals about it, but nothing works. Finally, they hear that the latest issue of CoroCoro comics has news about it, but neither one of them has enough money to buy the issue. They are ultimately forced to put aside their differences to buy the issue. Sadly, neither one of them had the skills needed to get Mew because the only way was through codes from the magazine and you had to send them a letter. The deadline had expired by the time these two kids got to the store. (How long was that run? It seemed like the magazine had just come out according to the other kids so maybe the trip was a week or something)

Back in the present, Atsushi decides to fight the kid and reveals that while it took him 9 years, he still caught Mew first. He (probably) crushes the Rayquaza that the kid used and then goes back to bickering with Gorita. He hyped Mew up a lot though and reminded us that he can use any TM, which makes Mew quite the threat. He’s certainly not a Pokemon that you want to underestimate.

The story isn’t bad, but the characters are all pretty annoying. Rivalries between a kid and a bully are nothing new, but this one makes sure to exaggerate the facial expressions and chibi fighting to a whole new level. The characters can’t go a panel without throwing a punch or insulting each other. The bully even claims that the main character is the one who picks fights with him. I use the term “bully” loosely as the fighting seems to be completely fake. They’re just friends who are highly competitive and both of them love Pokemon. Of course, even 9 years later and they still can’t help but keep on trying to beat each other up. That’s just how it goes.

The art isn’t all that bad. It reminds me of the Pokemon Diamond and Pearl art. It uses a rather simple style that I can imagine any artist emulating. It’s certainly not all that good, but at least it’s easy to read. It would have been fun if this story had taken place in the Pokemon world, but I suppose it can be fun to read about Pokemon fans as well sometimes. I think this manga could have easily turned out to be a bad one if it was longer or if the art was worse, but as it stands, it is a decent way to spend 5 minutes. I don’t think it deserves a negative score at this point.

Overall, This probably isn’t a chapter that you will remember a year from now, but it’s not a bad one shot. If anything, it reminds you how overpowered Mew can be. The character’s Mew was only level 50 something and yet it was causing a lot of damage in the one panel that it appeared in. Mew’s always been a fun Pokemon although I consider Mewtwo to be a whole lot stronger. Now that’s one Pokemon that you definitely do not want to mess with. I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more one shot titles to promote new Pokemon or other Nintendo games and events. For all I know, Japan does this sort of thing all the time and they just aren’t scanned all that often. It’s always fun to see a gem from the past. Who knows what will be scanned next? Whatever it is, I shall be waiting and ready for when it pops up! Now, back to Pokemon Go to catch me a Mewtwo one of these days!

Overall 6/10

Kirby of the Stars: The Story of Dedede Who Lives in Pupupu

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Vol01
Kirby’s manga has finally begun to get translated. It’s off to a fun start and the jokes are going over a lot better than the equivalents from the Mario series. The art is also solid so this could be a fun series. I’ll review it when I’ve finished the series.

Overall 6/10

Mystery of the Wax Museum Review

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mystery-of-the-wax-museum-movie-poster-1933-1020252814
It’s time for a really old film. This one came out over 20 years before the original Godzilla title so you can tell that this one has been around for quite a while. Unfortunately, this film doesn’t help disprove the myth that old films are boring. The pacing is quite bad and the film spends far too much time on scenes that simply don’t matter. It’s a shame since this film tried to be a mystery thriller, but forgot to include the actual thrills. The Mystery of the Wax Museum is unraveled within the first 20 minutes (Or seconds if you looked at the poster) so that doesn’t leave the film with a lot of material.

We have a reporter named Florence who typically doesn’t do too well in the biz. That being said, she’s never afraid to go after the long shots and this is the case when she finds out about a possible wax scandal. It involves stolen alcohol and dead bodies so her editor, Jim, doesn’t believe her. He spends most of the film insulting and belittling her, but deep down he’s a nice guy….or so the film wants you to think. Florence eventually realizes the truth, that the new Wax Museum’s statues are all actual people who have been murdered. Unfortunately, she is quickly overpowered by a very strong old cripple. Can the cops save her in time?

The film actually starts out in the distant past and shows us how Igor turned from a normal businessman into a psychotic murderer. See, all it took was a quick fire that burned down his entire life’s work. He murders a guy in the fist fight though…I think. Maybe the guy escaped, but it doesn’t matter. Igor decided that nobody can craft as well as he can so he’ll have to use actual bodies to make sure that they are accurate. That starts his long road into villainy. We’ve also got a subplot where Florence’s friend, Charlotte and her fiancee Ralph are thrown into the mix since Ralph works there.

Ralph doesn’t suspect anything though. He’s working along side a pair of crooks and both are pretty suspect, but Ralph fears nothing. Right up until the very end Ralph is completely useless. You’d think that he would perform well since his fiancee is in danger right? Not a chance, Ralph goes down faster than a sack of potatoes. A single punch is all Igor needs to take him down. After that, he gets up again only to be defeated once more. I found myself face palming and chuckling at the same time. I don’t think this should be possible and maybe my imagination just proved to be a stronger reality than this film.

Charlotte’s not an interesting character either and is just here to be here. Florence shouldn’t be that bad since she is made to be the tough Lois Lane character of the film. That being said, it’s hard to take seriously. She talks a good game, but the ending destroys her. She decides to randomly marry her boss despite the two of them arguing at every turn. He seemed to have no real respect for her whatsoever and just popped the question for the lolz. Maybe he didn’t think she would accept. Also, she could have been rich otherwise. The ending makes absolutely no sense whatsoever….so it was pretty appropriate.

As for Igor, he’s a pretty lousy villain. There’s nothing interesting about him at all. His final battle is humorous, but for all the wrong reasons. He was horribly disfigured by the fire and crippled to an extent. He hasn’t walked all that much in years aside from when he goes to kidnap people. Yet, he has the skills to defeat about a half dozen police officers and random civilians back to back to back. He only loses in the end to sheer numbers and firepower as he takes an unfortunate dip. I can’t help, but think that the film was just trying to extend its run time at that point.

The worst thing about the film is the fact that it is very boring. The film refuses to move at anything past a snail’s pace. The Cops don’t believe the reporter and they really shouldn’t, but I wish they would try to look around and find evidence or something. Instead, they just go back to the party and read dirty magazines all day. Is this really how the police should be portrayed? I mean seriously…this was just embarrassing for them.

The fight scenes were also pretty low end to downright bad as well. The first one with Igor and his partner was just flat out terrible. It got surprisingly intense considering this was back in the day with underhanded tactics being prevalent all around. Beyond that, the film does really show its age. Everything feels really old. The camera work suffers the most from this, but the backdrops aren’t all that bad. They hold up decently well as a city always looks good, whether it’s the 60’s or more modern.

There’s not really a soundtrack as you probably expected from such an old film. What could have saved this film? It’s hard to say since the film never seemed like it even had much potential to start off with. I suppose having a better cast would have helped a lot and taking out the random marriage proposal at the end as well. Ralph should have put up a better fight to help his fiancee and the cops shouldn’t have struggled so much against a very weakened old guy. At least say that he use some kind of super human serum on himself. Instead, he has the strength of a monster for no real reason. I also find it hard to believe that breaking into a hospital and stealing bodies is so easy, even back then. Surely they have heard of security patrols right? Also, since it made the news, you’d think that someone besides the lead reporter would notice that the victims matched the new displays perfectly.

Overall, Mystery of the Wax Museum is a mystery film that I’d recommend skipping out on. If anything, just watch one of the newer versions, but I definitely can’t vouch for those either. For all I know, those are worse. I wouldn’t call this a horrible film as it manages to keep its class for the most part, but it’s just a bore which really defeats the entire purpose of watching the film. If it’s not going to be any fun, you may as well go back to sleep and take a little nap. That way you’ll be ready to watch a different film.

Overall 4/10