Goke, The Body Snatcher from Hell Review

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I actually had some reasonable expectations for this film but ultimately it fell flat. Goke just wasn’t able to really live up to my expectations because the film decided to go the vampire route instead. Things got a little gritty and instead of cool hand to hand action scenes the humans were just bickering a lot. You can’t win like that, that’s for sure.

The movie starts with a bunch of people on an airplane. They’ve all got big plans for the rest of their lives and are enjoying the pleasant cruise when there is a bomb scare. Sugisaka along with attendant Kuzumi try to find out who has the bomb but then the plane crashes. The heroes are now isolated in a desert region and have no way to salvage the ship. They also must deal with the fact that one of the passengers may have a bomb. Additionally, they know that nobody is coming to save them after turning on the news and hearing the reporters confirm this. One of the passengers quickly breaks the radio though since it was being too helpful.

So that’s a fairly interesting story dynamic you’ve got there. These passengers who each have their own story and values must put aside their own differences in order to band together. There is just one problem and unfortunately it is a big one. There is also a body snatcher from hell that is here to destroy them all. The creature arrived in some kind of meteorite and quickly takes control of a passenger. The only way to know who is the alien is to look for someone with a huge scar on their face and the characters are too busy fighting with each other to put up much of a fight.

Goke started off on the wrong foot as the movie opens with a bunch of birds dying. See, Goke’s influence is able to stir up the wildlife around him which forces the birds to take down the plane. It’s hard to say what the exact purpose of this is. Is it merely the birds growing afraid or Goke mind controlling them because he wanted a vessel? If you think about it, there isn’t even much value in having a vessel since their spaceships are already strong enough to really do whatever they need to do.

Once we’re on the island, the film makes sure to show us that none of the characters are likable which leads to a Lord of the Flies kind of scenario. Sugisaka is easily the character with the strongest moral compass. Ultimately he wants to make sure everyone is able to walk out of here in one piece. I’ll give the guy props for trying to keep everyone together. I just disagreed with one of his decisions when he said nobody should even think about leaving the ship. Hehe…lets just say I’ll talk more about that later.

Kuzumi was also good. She did her best to help out and make sure things were going well. These are the only two reasonable characters. Next up you have Neal who is the sole American in the film so that’s always fun. She is very dramatic the whole time and cries a lot which unfortunately makes things easy on Goke. I ended up losing respect for her when she was on board with the plan of sacrificing some of the crew for her own personal survival. Yeah that’s the kind of thing that is not going to go over well in the slightest.

Mano is a senator who is really unreasonable throughout the film. He’s always telling people to hurry up and get him out of here when it’s clear as crystal that there isn’t anything anyone can do at the moment. Why is this such a foreign concept to him? The guy is also having an affair with Tokiyasu’s wife. Mano is also very quick to betray the others and does this numerous times throughout the film.

Then you have Tokiyasu who willingly threw his wife at Mano in order to try and secure a deal for his company. That tells you the level of ethics that this guy follows. Noriko is also content to go along with this plan which is unfortunate as well. In horror films being unfaithful usually ends up being disastrous for all parties involved and this movie is no exception.

There’s Momotake but he doesn’t last long. The guy is actually happy about the plane crash because he has a theory that humans will always devolve into their base instincts and he wants a chance to prove this. Yes, great for him…but that’s naturally going to only lead to one conclusion right? Momotake talks a big game but he still seems a little surprised by what he had predicted.

Finally there is Sagai who seemed to be reasonable for most of the movie but then he also decided they needed to start sacrificing people. So he went down the drain. It’s a common theme in the film that at the end of the day you can’t trust anyone. Ultimately everyone will betray you and it’s just a very cynical way of looking at things. It would have been nice if they weren’t all so corrupt.

The idea of the cast slowly all going mad as they’re trapped in a small plane with no water or food can definitely be interesting but it has to be handled really carefully. I saw a film sort of like that (I forget the title) where the characters are locked in a house by an invisible force and all start to go crazy. That one was handled better to be sure even if it had some issues.

Now you would think the alien plot would automatically fix things right? Well, I wouldn’t say that the process is automatic because these aliens are basically vampires. Yes, that’s one of the last things this film needed. The movie isn’t afraid to get rather violent with these interactions as the humans are slowly drained into oblivion. Each of these scenes certainly drags and the movie ends up falling into the classic horror hole of being violent for shock value. Throw in all of the animal deaths from earlier and this movie did not know what it was doing.

Even the design for when the aliens inhabit the human hosts is not very fun to look at. They have to make a giant incision in the person’s face which looks like an obvious weak point. The vampires also aren’t very fast so you know that they can be outrun if the humans would stop tripping and looking back. Just keep on going full speed and you’ll be okay. Why turn back like that? All you’re doing is speeding up your own demise!

Okay, so a lot happens by the end of the film and I won’t spoil the twist since it’s like something out of an M Shyamalan film. Of course the heroes crashed somewhere so a few of them suggest running outside for a while to get to the next town. This idea is slammed down but what if they had actually gone? The ending gives you a look at what would have happened and it does make the characters look pretty bad. From the start I thought it was a terrible idea to stay put. Sure the outdoors are dangerous but you have no water or food so isn’t it better to leave now while you have energy than later?

The one thing I will say for the film is that the ending is pretty hype. Things start accelerating a lot quicker than I ever would have suspected and really changes the whole context of what’s going on. I would actually be reasonably hyped for a sequel. The issue with this film…or at least one of them is that we were just focused on the wrong people. I want to see the rest of the planet now which should make for a much more interesting narrative.

Overall, Goke, Body Snatcher was disappointing. Honestly I was expecting it to be significantly better than how it turned out. The aliens being vampires is such an awful idea and making the characters this unlikable was not a good decision. Whenever any film decides to make the whole cast villains for some reason I have to shake my head because that will never work. It’s just not a good idea because you need someone to sympathize with and this completely removes the chances of that happening. If you want to watch an interesting alien film then you have much better options that you can take a look at. This one is best left to the remnants of history.

Overall 2/10

Lassie Come Home Review

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A lot of films have a “What is that??” kind of moment where you wonder what it was thinking. Unfortunately, Lassie ups the stakes by having you ask this question many times as the film goes on. Seriously, you’ll keep on wondering why this film was as bad as it was. It just never made it over the hill and ultimately slid downhill at such terrific speeds that it never stood a chance.

The movie starts with introducing us to Lassie and her owner Joe. Joe’s a fairly young kid who does his best at school because he always knows that Lassie will be there to say hi. Well, the parents have decided to send Lassie away and didn’t have the courage to tell Joe so they do it in secret. Lassie keeps on returning so they keep on sending her back. The new owner takes Lassie all the way across the ocean but Lassie is determined to return. So begins the journey of this determined dog.

Lassie’s probably the only decent thing about the movie and even then she is also the cause of many of the movie’s problems. For starters there are no likable characters here in the slightest. Take Joe’s parents for example, they handled the situation horribly. At least give Joe a chance to properly say good bye to Lassie right? By getting rid of Lassie in secret they didn’t even give Joe a chance. Clearly that will make parting a lot more difficult than it would be otherwise. The worst part is that they have the gall to blame the kid for crying about this.

What else was he going to do? The film does a poor job of getting you to sympathize with the parents. Time may be tough but they effectively just sold off a member of the family. It was the wrong call no matter how you slice it. Especially when you consider that Lassie returned twice and they were still making sure she left. Definitely a bunch of ungrateful customers here.

Where the film really goes wrong though is that it’s trying to be overly sad. Things just keep on getting worse and worse. Effectively it’s like one character gets beaten up, shot, bit, brought near to death, gets a leg broken, and continues to endure the worst of the environment right through to the end of the film. Even at the end nobody is helping Lassie because they think the whole thing’s heart warming when they should be getting their eyes checked.

A film always needs a good balance of emotions. If you want to make a sad movie there needs to be a lot of happy scenes to counter it or else you end up going too far. This movie was doomed from the start though because that applies to humans. For animals you can’t put them in any of those scenarios because it just makes the film suck.

When you take this film down to its core parts, part of the issue is that there are no strengths to the film. Most of the characters are rubbish and the story is utter nonsense. Why do we need to have some random thugs who show up just to murder another dog? It’s all just for shock value and to make an already grim film even more grim. By this point in the film you’re likely already checked out so this is the film’s way of waking you up.

If you were in the theater you’d probably have seen a lot of people jump up in their seats at that point since they would have totally been in La La land by then. The film is unable to draw your attention because it hasn’t done anything to earn your interest. Put it this way, if the film wanted to actually tell a good story then it needed to develop the characters and make them likable. The mother can’t be talking about how she’s glad Lassie is gone while crying. That’s just a ludicrous scene.

The father can’t be storming off in a huff when Joe starts crying because he is the one who sold the dog. Can’t be flipping blame like that. Joe should have chosen a better spot to hide Lassie than the rocks that apparently the characters go to a lot during the years. The old couple was good and at least offered a few moments where characters weren’t getting beaten up but they weren’t main characters. If they stuck around then they probably would have been wrecked.

We can’t forget about Lassie’s official new owner either. Keep in mind that he wants to have some good race dogs but he doesn’t even realize that his underling is being mean to the dogs there. If not for his daughter speaking up it would have kept on going. Even after that he leaves the guy alone unsupervised with Lassie. Not a very intelligent way to handle business right? The film goes out of its way to discredit almost literally every character in the film.

The ending rings hollow because you can’t have a happy ending after going through so much sorrow. It’s like if you go outside and decide to run a lap around the block but along the way you witness 3 car crashes and get stabbed twice. Sure, you made it to your destination but the fun stroll doesn’t feel very enjoyable anymore because of the huge price that you had to pay. Ideally the other Lassie films are able to balance things out better so things go well for the dog. Improve the writing dramatically as well and then we may have a shot here. Nothing ever felt fair for Lassie and that’s an issue.

Overall, Lassie Come Home is barely even a movie so much as it’s a cinematic experiment to see how much they could get away with. The fact that the film is rated G on TV is insulting to everyone watching since this would easily be PG-13 material if you flipped the characters around a bit. Some G films certainly seem to stretch things a bit. If you want to watch a movie about a dog that is good then I would suggest checking out Under Dog or Air Bud instead. Both of those films are massive improvements over this one to the point where they aren’t in the same league. This movie focuses too much on being traumatic and ultimately that comes at the expense of plot.

Overall 0/10

Mario Party DS Review

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Mario has returned. I’s been a little while since I played my last Mario game so naturally something had to give. I needed to be able to jump back into the Mario groove and really see how the series is doing. Fortunately that was absolutely part of the gameplan. Ebay had a good price on this one so I knew it was time for the plunge.

The story here is fairly basic as you’re likely here for the minigames anyway. Bowser tricks Mario and friends into heading over to his place for some food. They are all desperately hungry so they show up but promptly get cursed into being tiny by Bowser. Bowser’s just in a whole different league thanks to his magical abilities. The only way for the heroes to make a comeback is to find the legendary shards and become large again. It won’t be easy though as Bowser is up to something.

It’s reasonably short as the game only has around 5-6 worlds total. Each world is effectively a mini party mode that lasts for 10 turns. Your goal is to complete the game and come in first place by having the most Power Stars. If you come in second or later then you lose and have to start from scratch. Naturally that is the toughest part here. Mario Party has a lot of luck thrown into the mix after all in addition to skill. You may win a bunch of minigames or even all of them but you can still lose a match due to how that all works out. The computers put me through the wringer here.

So that should help extend the game’s play time a bit. I would say the game is only a few hours long otherwise. Of course one way that can help you with this a bit is the fact that you can reset the game if you have a bad turn. This will help nullify part of the luck factor as you can keep on spinning until things go well. From minigame results to power stars, the power is in your hand now.

Outside of the story you have a lot of other modes of course like minigame mode and local multiplayer. There isn’t really a lack of content here which isn’t surprising since Nintendo always gives you a lot of bang for your buck. In this case all of these extra modes and impressive array of minigames will ensure that you can keep on playing for a long while. At 10 bucks it was quite the steal.

The best minigames here might be the hide and seek one or some of the combat types. For Hide and Seek I like the idea of running around and looking for someone even if it feels like it is heavily favored against the one person who is alone. Dodging everyone for the duration of the match sounds crazy. Of course then you have minigames like with the coins falling where if anything it is really easy for the player to get most of the coins. I’d say it balances out in the end.

As expected the soundtrack is also pretty good. Don’t expect the same level of intensity as in the mainline Mario games but it still has a high energy feel to it. This is all AAA music. The you have the graphics which have aged well on the DS. All of the characters are on point and the backgrounds are good. It would be nice if you could taunt like in the other games but it’s really not a big deal. It’s the kind of thing you notice for a few minutes and then forget about entirely.

Mario Party DS is a rather simple game which is executed well. You could even say that the title would live or die based on the quality of its minigames. A game like this can’t work nearly as well if you don’t have fun games to play. If they were to drag on then that would take the fun away right then and there. A good minigame should be short and to the point which this game really nails down.

Overall, I would say this game is a big step up from the Mario Party for GBA. It’s not quite touching any of the big console ones yet though. There are still a few more portable Mario party games I don’t have yet though so we’ll see if they continue to improve. If you like the Mario Party series then you should definitely get this one. There’s no reason you wouldn’t like the hand held version. Additionally while it may be old, I wouldn’t say it’s out dated or anything like that. You can easily plug and play at any time. Just work on grabbing those unlockables to really fill the game up.

Overall 7/10

The Legend of Kage 2 Review

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This is a game I bought at Gamestop a long time ago but I hadn’t gotten around to playing the original so I just kept it on the backburner. Well, I finally got around to beating the original (Review coming soon) and the sequel does a good job of really improving upon the original in every way. We now have a real story and more streamlined gameplay.

The game starts with Kage being given a new mission. He is to protect the princess who turns out to be his childhood friend. It’s really not a bad gig but unfortunately he does not know the true dangers that are around him. A group of villains want to kidnap the princess because she has latent abilities that could allow them to conquer the world. Clearly the stakes have been raised but will Kage be able to raise his skill level to match?

Right away I liked the visual style of the game. It handles the energy effects well from how the blue and red blades look to how the whole game’s atmosphere is. Ultimately this game looks very good. The boss designs are on point as well and if the game ever got an anime, I’d want them to use the designs from this game rather than the original.

The gameplay is pretty simple and to the point. You can jump extremely high and swing away at enemies with your blade. A new addition to the series is that you actually have special abilities now. You can increase your attack, defense, or even shoot out projectiles. Personally I recommend sticking to the attack and defense options since those are really the best bets. The difference is actually noticeable here.

Now the main knock against the game is the length. It’s around 3 hours which is pretty bad. The original game was only about an hour or even less but it could get away with it more since this was the original title. For a big sequel that’s a little harder to overlook because you just expect a certain amount of length. Imagine buying this day 1? That would probably get pretty dicey and you would feel cheated out of your cash.

There is some replay value I suppose in that you can try to grab more collectibles in the level. If you grab everything then you’ll be really powerful but the main issue is that there would be nothing to do with it. There are no bonus levels or anything so you would just be flexing on minions. Certainly that’s cool and all if you are having a blast with the gameplay but it’s not enough for me to say the game truly has real replay value.

This is the kind of title you are really playing as a one and done experience. It is a fun experience at least for the reasons I stated above. The main rival makes for a really good antagonist. He’s quite skilled but also has an honor code. The fact that he fought to the end while remaining as a human as an impressive twist. It shows Kage that you can become truly strong even without becoming a monster. The other characters didn’t always seem to have such fortitude.

Hanzo was also very interesting. He spends the entire game getting beaten up left and right but then you see that he is actually a whole lot more skilled than we may expect. Personally I still think Kage and the blue rival are too powerful for him but maybe he would be third in the verse. A third game seems unlikely but I would definitely be really hyped to see that at some point.

My main gameplay tip here is to just experiment. When you die you can always continue again so see what went wrong the first time and adapt. There is no penalty for trying a lot as you get your health and magic meter restored to the sky’s really the limit. The only chance of failure is if you give up. Additionally, the bosses have very set movement patterns so once you memorize them then you really should not have any problems here.

I wouldn’t say the soundtrack is super memorable but the tunes aren’t bad. You have a pretty good idea of what is going on and it fits with the ninja theme. I’d love some more rock based music themes of course but it’s hard not to be satisfied with what we did get. The boss battles are also intense as you would expect.

Overall, Legend of Kage 2 was a lot of fun. The only thing keeping me from calling it a great game is how short it is. No matter how polished the gameplay or interesting the story, there is only so much you can do in 3 hours. Maybe the developers weren’t given enough time but still wanted to make a high quality game so instead of sacrificing that, they cut off the length. If they were forced to make such a choice then I definitely have to say that I agreed with the call. Better to have a short high quality title than a long one that’s not very good. Better luck next time for Kage but if you find this game for $5 like I did then it is definitely worth it.

Overall 7/10

Arthur vs One Above All

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Suggested by Destroyer Now this is a close fight that I went back and forth on a bit. One Above All is old but Arthur’s very young. Can a kid beat an old man? It really comes down to that. Arthur has thrown a punch before but it wasn’t all that powerful. Ultimately, I guess youth would win this. I think the One Above All is just a little too old and that will come back to bite him. Arthur wins.

Madara vs Shadow

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Suggested by Destroyer Madara is one of the strongest Shinobi alive. There are very few who can keep up with him or hope to match the guy blow for blow. Shadow has the speed to keep things interesting, but at the same time I don’t really see him being able to do a whole lot to Madara. Dodging his various sharingan abilities will be difficult and in combat speed Madara may even exceed Shadow. Madara wins.

Sailor Moon vs Orihime

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Suggested by Destroyer Both of these fighters never hold back but Sailor Moon absolutely has more experience on offense. Orihime is a healer at heart after all and her only attack option stopped being relevant after the very first arc of Bleach. Sailor Moon may not be the quickest fighter but her energy blasts should make quick work out of Orihime. No barrier will be enough to stop her for long. Sailor Moon wins.

Blastman vs Mario

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Suggested by Destroyer Mario is a solid all around fighter so this is a pretty close battle. He may have some slight resistance to fireballs since he uses them so often but at the same time we don’t really know that for sure. Meanwhile Blastman is fairly fast and should be able to stay out of Mario’s range. Eventually the attacks will add up and Mario will go down. Blastman wins.

King Ghidorah vs Mad Hatter

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Suggested by Destroyer King Ghidorah is a powerful Kaiju. With a single energy blast he can really send everyone packing. Mad Hatter has a lot of little gizmos and tricks up his sleeve but none of them are a match for Ghidorah. King Ghidorah is known as an absolute monster in combat after all and is just in a different weight class. King Ghidorah wins.

Mr Majestic vs Wendy Marvell

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Suggested by Sonic Mr Majestic may be a tough customer but he isn’t ready to handle Wendy and her Dragon Force. Wendy also got a significant power boost from Irene which has turned her into one of the most dangerous dragon slayers. Mr Majestic would put up a reasonable fight but Wendy can ultimately dodge him when needed and also shoot out powerful hurricanes that he can’t break free from. Wendy Marvell wins.