Author Archives: dreager1

Unknown's avatar

About dreager1

Ultimate Battles is what this site is all about! Always wanted to see a battle? Request it and see who would win!

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) Review

Posted on by
Reply

This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you’ve got a film with the word affair in the title then you know that you might be in trouble. Naturally the word doesn’t have to inherently be bad but it’s usually used in a negative context. The film is basically about someone trying to pull a James Bond and just the concept of that plan is usually funny to me. Still, it does actually work in the real world even so I can’t really talk much about that. Ultimately the film lacks the good characters to make this a success and the romance is particularly weak.

The film starts off with a rare painting being stolen from Thomas Crown’s museum. It was worth tons and the insurance company might have to pay for it. As a result they send in a lady named Catherine to oversee the whole thing. She will make sure that the company does not get ripped off here and she will locate the painting. She believes that Thomas did it himself. It seems a bit unlikely to the cops to put it mildly but she is convinced. So her plan will be to seduce him and then get the information. Will she really be able to reel in a rich guy who has everything so easily?

The first part of the plot that already starts you off on a skeptical note is Catherine’s idea that she can just seduce this guy like it’s easy. I have the same skepticism for many romance type titles and naturally the James Bond films as well. Sure there are some people that are extremely shallow like that but a super rich guy with unlimited options? At least have her break him down after several months or something but he immediately takes the bait hook line and sinker. Now you could argue that it’s just because he wants the thrills of a cat and mouse game but to me it seems like he liked her right away with how sharp her personality is.

Then the rest of the film continues the cat and mouse game while they mess with each other the whole time. There’s a subplot where Thomas has a psychiatrist who confirms how he can’t trust women and all that. Well the film seems to confirm his suspicions as Catherine tries to mess him over several times. If anything the movie seems to make the case for Thomas on why he can’t trust anyone too much. The instant Catherine feels betrayed she tries to completely ruin his life by exposing his theft.

I mean…that was her job the whole time but it’s clear by the end that it’s super personal now. She refuses to listen to him at all and just goes back to her own thing. Then by the end when the misunderstanding it cleared up she is desperate to be with him again. Catherine jus seems incredibly unstable and I don’t see things going well for the two of them. The original film had the much more satisfying ending as a result and I couldn’t stand by this one. The reason is because I wasn’t a big fan of the romance in general despite how much the film tried to present it as a decent one.

I do like the whole enemies to lovers trope when handled right but this one didn’t convince me. As much as I was going on about Catherine not being the most reliable or trust worthy, the same is true for Thomas of course. The whole film is happening because he was bored and wanted a thrill after all. You better hope he doesn’t get bored of romance either since he seemed like a real player back in his day. That is definitely one of the big downsides of being super rich. It’s a bit of a meme as everybody would usually like to be rich anyway but I can see how life can get dull if you don’t find anything to give you purpose.

Also to make the romance even worse, we have the head cop in charge of the case, Michael. This guy is absolutely desperate for Catherine from his very first scene and it’s obvious that she is not into him at all. She gives him a pity kiss later but I wish the guy had been a little bolder and just created some distance after the first attempts failed. Lets keep this professional right? This film is the definition of unprofessional as nobody was able to really keep to the job but it’s probably the worst for Michael. Catherine at least had the excuse of this being part of her plan and Thomas was using this as a way to gauge Catherine but Michael should have at least been objective.

Now in terms of the heist itself, it does stretch your disbelief at times. I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed the CEO sliding under the door to steal the painting early on. The film’s excuse for this would be how crowded things were and to an extent I get that but it’s still a bit of a stretch. Likewise when the painting was returned later on. The ole switcheroo was pretty clever though and I didn’t really have any problems with that one. I did enjoy all the “magic” and planning even if the resources and time to pull that off are also tricky. Thomas obviously has the money but finding enough people willing to take a fall and potential jail time? With enough money you can pretty much do anything but you can also count on at least one guy to get cold feet and go to the cops.

I’m not really an artistic person myself so I always wonder how paintings can really go for millions of dollars. I’d sooner buy into the conspiracy that the whole art market is just a front for money laundering than actually thinking someone would value the piece so highly. Talent is talent and some people are truly gifted at it but millions for any piece of art seems absolutely crazy. I’m also not particularly entertained by walking around a museum to look at paintings. That seems like the kind of thing you would endure for good company.

So the main appeal of the movie is about the heist and the cat and mouse games. That is when the movie is at its best but the rough romance really holds it back. There’s just no way this will work out and the romance is more of a show over tell kind of experience. So not only was I not convinced but the movie spends a lot of time on the romance only for me to still be shaking my head the whole time.

Overall, I would still skip on this film. It’s an improvement over the first film but it’s still not a winner yet. At this point I think we need a live action version of Sly Cooper. That’s a film with a similar premise but 1000x cooler. You will still have the cat and mouse banter with the detective trying to catch the thief but it’s played in a much more interesting way. Until that movie comes out, I recommend playing through the games and you will quickly see why the Thomas Crown affair can’t quite compete.

Overall 4/10

The Care Bears Movie Review

Posted on by
Reply


Let me tell you something, you don’t want to mess with the Care Bears. The instant I knew I was going to watch a movie about these guys I knew I was in for a big adventure. Their magical abilities are quite formidable and the only reason they don’t win more fights is due to the genre. These films are for kids and about having fun rather than being big action blockbusters. If they were then this would be a whole different ballgame. The film is good old fashioned fun. I won’t say it’s great or anything but I had a good time with it.

The movie starts with the Cherrywoods telling a story to a bunch of kids. Back in the day there were two kids who were really lonely and they had a rough time of things because they were orphans. So the Care Bears decided to step in and get them to have friends. They took the kids on a tour of their world and helped them learn the true meaning of friendship. The problem is that they didn’t reach a kid named Nicholas in time. This kid ends up meeting a mysterious lady who lives in a book. She quickly begins to trick him into learning the dark arts and generally spreading misfortune into the world. He will now stop the world from caring about anything. Can the Care Bears stop him or is it game over?

The Care Bears have a lot of abilities like powerful lasers and high tech gadgets but they are lacking in confidence. For the most part they don’t want to deal the evil spirit directly. So throughout the film you see the Care Bears running around and panicking. They are definitely not the best allies to have on your side since they don’t really inspire any kind of confidence. At one point the two kids have to fend for themselves as Nicholas chases the around because none of the care bears are really doing anything.

Now granted, the world wasn’t in a very caring mood as the care levels went down but you’d still expect the bears to be able to do something. Instead they take a back seat in their own film for a while there. The movie isn’t too concerned about delivering a great story and it’s more about the vibes so lets talk about those. For starters the animation is pretty good. The hand drawn aspect still works pretty well after all these years. The scenes are very smooth and easy to follow. The action scenes that we do get look pretty good too.

The soundtrack is more of a mixed bag. Some of the songs really don’t work at all while some others are okay. Just don’t go in expecting anything too crazy here. As for the script, it’s fine enough. Everyth8ing can be a bit exaggerated but that works well enough. One character even gets a massive plot twist at the end which shows how he has really changed as a character. That was pretty wholesome all things considered. He really came a long way from when he was a kid.

The more I write about the story the more I have to admit it was a bit all over the place. At the same time that is part of the fun I suppose. This movie isn’t even worried about trying to have a huge narrative or telling a complete story. It’s just messing around and having a good time. I also give it points for not even trying to introduce the various care bears beyond their name. You either get the drift of what’s going on or you don’t. It all comes down to that.

I also appreciated the villain being straight up evil and this wasn’t all some kind of misunderstanding. She wants to achieve her ambitions and has no problems manipulating whoever it takes to complete that. That kind of unfeeling villain works well in the Care Bears as a complete foil to everything that the main characters represent. Her design was good and while it would have been nice to have had an explosive finale, I suppose that’s not really what this movie is all about.

The concept of the Care Bears will pretty much always beat the execution but perhaps one day that can change. In the meantime the important thing is that the film is fun and you’ll have a good time. I do wish they would skip the narration at the beginning though with the story book plot device because it does spoil the ending. I know it’s basically a foregone conclusion that things will go well but at the same time you still don’t have to actively show it like that.

Now will this end up making you a huge fan of the Care Bears themselves? Eh, probably not. They still aren’t super good at their jobs and basically get lucky a lot of the time. Considering the crazy amount of technology and super powers that they have, they should have a better handle on things. It’s another reason why the Ponies are higher since they do generally have solid control over the kingdom. They don’t have to rely on humans to bail them out every time as that would just be plain embarrassing.

Overall, The Care Bears is a good film. I won’t say it’s great or anything like that but by the end you will feel pretty satisfied with your experience. The Key Bear even came in clutch when it counted. The world of the Care Bears may be a deadly one as one town can completely tip the balance of power one way or the other but at the same time it also shows just how much difference one person can make. I don’t think the franchise will ever be at the level of My Little Pony or Strawberry Shortcake going forward since the premise just isn’t quite as hype but if you haven’t watched this movie yet, you should change that.

Overall 6/10

The Lake House Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time for a film that goes out of its way to shatter its own message time and time again. I suppose it is always harder to follow advice than it is to state it and that’s what happens to the main heroine here. At the end of the day the plot has to be held together by both main characters making the biggest mistakes possible at every turn but that’s how it goes sometimes. It may be very dramatic but I would say this is not a particularly good movie.

The movie starts with Kate leaving her Lake House and alerting the new tenant to make sure he sends any leftover mail to her. She is now working hard at a hospital trying to save lives but it gets off to a rocky start when someone is hit by a car/truck and dies right in front of her. She is not having a good day but then gets an odd message from the tenant. It turns out that their mail is reaching each other from 2 years apart. He is actually the previous tenant from 2 years ago. Their messages are floating across time and both are so desperate that they fall in love with each other through the pen pal system. How can they possibly meet up to express their feelings?

This won’t be easy. Sure it’s only 2 years and it’s not like she moves far enough away but they’d have to ask for each other’s phone number, names, etc. In a lot of ways it will be easier for Kate since she is in the future so she should be able to look him up with minimal effort. She doesn’t though because the film would be over basically immediately. For Alex it’ll be slightly tougher since she doesn’t know him yet but perhaps with his charm he can win her over too. Instead he just loses touch right away. Are they just really bad at this pen pal stuff?

This is yet another film that falls into the tragic trap of being better if they were just friends. It would be a really wholesome film if they could both just be encouraging each other the whole time. Alex would give her tips on getting through her current struggles at the hospital and maybe Kate would help him patch things up with his father. Instead going with the romance angle hurts both characters massively and I’ll get into that now.

Kate reveals that she really loves a book about two people always meeting up at the wrong time and the message is about patience. Waiting for the right person instead of rushing things. The book had a sad ending but she will be ready to wait and find the right man. Okay so now she potentially has Alex and just needs to find a way to meet up with him. Instead she loses confidence in him and immediately runs into the arms of Morgan who has been chasing after her for quite a while. She basically decides to settle for him instead of staying alone with seems like an absolute waste. Why would you possibly settle when the whole point of the book is to not do that?

Another problem is how quick it all was. She basically rejects Alex and then runs straight into Morgan’s arms. This isn’t someone who is serious relationship material. I’d also argue that Morgan should have higher standards for himself. They already broke up once in the past because she cheated on him (It turns out that she was with Alex at that time) and he is still content to be with her when she has no remorse? When he brings this up, she immediately gets defensive and gaslights the life out of the guy. She makes it sound like Morgan is being petty and should have gotten over being cheated on which is absolutely crazy.

So we’re definitely on a really bad start with both of these characters. I couldn’t support Morgan at all here but I can’t supposed Kate either since she is way too emotional. She feels like the kind of character who will revenge cheat or have a fling if she gets bored. That’s what happened last time after all. Meanwhile for Alex, he is moving a bit fast here. For starters he does initiate the cheating when he knew Kate already had a boyfriend. Not a very ethical position to take.

Then Kate gives him the silent treatment after one plan goes bad which seems incredibly immature. There should also be some pretty big implications if he couldn’t make it in two years. They should have explored those options together instead of Kate deciding that she needed a man right away. As you can see I wasn’t too sympathetic to her plight.

The whole climax also revolves around Alex not being able to track her down for basically 2 years which is really crazy. Given that the film didn’t seem to deserve the “happy” ending that it got, I actually think the should have had her fail the mission. Have the film end with her waiting as the credits start to roll. You could also argue that this is an open ending and perhaps that means he would be around soon. I just don’t see why he would be willing to listen after such a long amount of time.

Also he just didn’t answer for two years while waiting to surprise her after 2 years? The time travel definitely does have some issues which is probably a byproduct of thinking up such a unique premise. I do think it’s a really cool idea but turning it into a romance feels like it was a mistake. This film would work so much better with the friendship angle because then most of my issues would not end up applying.

My only other applicable issue would just be that Alex’s subplot with his father seems rather shoehorned in. It didn’t have a whole lot of payoff and felt like filler in the movie. I didn’t think it had a noticeable impact on any of the characters’ development so if you cut it than nothing changes. Giving that a bigger role could have fixed that issue but then you’d have less time for the rest. So I’d probably have just substituted that for some more letters. Reading out the letters is probably the highlight of the film after all as it’s fun to keep jumping from place to place in the two eras.

Overall, The Lake House is definitely an emotional film. I think you’ll have a good time for the most part as the concept is explored fairly thoroughly. You’ll just see more and more of the cracks as the romance gets serious and the whole thing falls over by the end. This film absolutely needed better characters and I also have to suspend disbelief big time on the characters falling in love with each other. Through letters? That just seems really crazy to me. The writing is good and I hope more films try a premise like this. They just need to try and stick to the theme. If the characters are big on waiting then have them wait and not jump into a crazy relationship after one setback. That’s still the wildest part of the whole movie.

Overall 4/10

Timecop Review

Posted on by
2

This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a time travel title and those always tend to be pretty good. It’s a concept that brings a lot of interesting ideas with it and this one is no exception. My favorite time travel system is where interacting with the past creates a new timeline rather than immediately changing the future but they all have their merits. This one is a good action title that ends up being satisfying in the end.

The movie starts off with someone at the government revealing that time travel has been discovered. He now wants a federal agency to monitor it and senator Aaron agrees with this. So the bureau is created and Max joins after his wife was blown up in a home invasion. He is not allowed to go back in time and save her because of ethics and butterfly effects even though it happened rather recently. That said, many people are changing time and this is becoming a big deal so Max brings those people to justice. There seems to be a ringleader at the top of this though and Max needs to find out who it is immediately.

Naturally you probably know what I’m going to say here. Max should go ahead and save his wife immediately. There are several reasons for this. The first and most important reason is that the instant we have time travel, there is no longer any guarantee on what the correct timeline is. There’s no way to tell if someone has already gone to the past and changed things. Perhaps a butterfly effect happened a while back and that’s why his wife died. So I would say Max is absolutely obligated to save her life. That’s absolutely how this should work.

The second reason ties in which is that people don’t remember the previous timeline anyway. That’s also why it is so dangerous because everyone’s memories are automatically reset so they think this is how things always were. So when Max saved his wife then that’ll just be how it always was. No harm no foul. Some might push back against this but that’s always been my frame of mind for these things. When time travel is on the table then anything goes.

Max is a solid main character though. He’s good at his job and a solid fighter all around. He takes down quite a few enemies over the course of the movie. He can get a little sloppy though like the way he was taken out by the villains at the beginning of the movie. You’d just think that he would be more on guard due to his line of work. Even once he has the element of surprise near the end it’s a little closer than you’d figure it should be. I won’t fault him for the way the tables turn during the earlier climax since there are only so many contingency plans you can have when a traitor is involved.

The main villain Aaron is decent. He’s not anything to write home about but I like how direct the guy was about his goals. He wants to be the President of the United States and will do whatever it takes in order to achieve that goal. He’s a very determined guy and thanks to the time travel we get to see just how much more corrupt and bold he has gotten over the years. He makes his original self look super tame in comparison.

Sarah is someone who you feel gets off rather easy during the film. Yes she has her reasons and everything but ultimately she came up short when it counted. The timeline shifting isn’t enough to make her blameless here. I’d definitely have switched up her final scene a bit. I’d also argue that she should either have her memories back or be gone from the current timeline based on how the logic works.

Meanwhile the head of the department seemed really out of his league here. He is extremely slow on the uptake about the idea of the timeline changing. Why? Shouldn’t that be required reading in his position? Every time Max would try to explain something the guy would look at him like he was nuts. Yes it makes for good comedy but it didn’t really make sense in context. Even if he may not believe Max in the end, he should at least have considered the possibility right away.

Ah well, this is why Max has to carry the agency. They would be absolutely doomed without him and the villains would just go ahead and keep on changing the past. You can only squeeze so much into a single movie at least but the rest of the agents really do nothing. At best they just get shot while running around which buys Max another second or two. Max is the only one actually doing any real detective work.

Timecop is one of those classic 90s films that has a fun tone and good amount of action the whole time. We get some good banter and one liners as well. It’s a film that is having a lot of fun throughout the journey even while making time for a lot of serious moments and good fight scenes. It’s very well balanced and most importantly, it’s a really fun film. It’s the kind of title you can easily rewatch down the line because it all ends up aging well.

Overall, Timecop is a pretty good film. Being in charge of regulating time is an absolutely massive responsibility and it would definitely be a stressful job. You don’t envy Max for having to put up with it the whole time. While there are some sci-fi phenomenon like teleporting that I think will be true in the future, I don’t think we will ever get time travel. Seems unlikely to me but at least in the meantime we have all kinds of fun films like this one. There’s so much you can do with the concept that this should have gotten a bunch of sequels.

Overall 7/10

Morning Glory (1933) Review

Posted on by
Reply


Morning Glory is one of those films where you question the overall point of it midway. It’s a classic journey about corruption and how hard show biz is but the main character holds the whole thing back. That does tend to happen a lot but since she folds almost immediately, there isn’t a whole lot of drama here. You know that she won’t be able to make a difference in the industry and so the usual drama just isn’t there.

The movie starts off by introducing us to a pathological liar named Eva. She is really determined to succeed in Hollywood but doesn’t have a lot of confidence and so she just lies about everything on instinct. Anything to give her a slight edge but it’s not really working. She eventually manages to crash a hiring session and make some influential acquaintances but then she fails in her first big show. Will she be able to still become a success?

Eva is a bit too naive for this world and the problem is that losing this trait will almost inevitably carry with it some big penalties. For example she is able to get back into the limelight briefly after getting super drink and having an affair with Louis for a night but that doesn’t help redeem her as a character at all. Instead it’s just another reason to show why she wasn’t ready for this level of competition. It may be something that a lot of would be Hollywood stars go through but she should have fought off the trend.

Getting drunk isn’t really an excuse that I ever tend to accept. Just don’t get drunk in the first place if you know that your true intentions are not going to be the best. It also feels like Eva’s delusions make her not practice or study nearly as hard as she should. She always comes across as incredibly unprepared which should not be the case when this is her passion.

I much preferred Rita who may have been super stuck up but knew her worth. She called Louis’ bluff at one of the shows and stormed out. It’s hard to say who will win in the long term but she is apparently till quite famous so I get the feeling that she will be just fine. As for Louis, he will probably do okay as well but the guy probably can’t count on someone like Eva to bail him out long term. So Rita was fun because she could stand up to the others and wasn’t going to break down at the first sign of trouble.

Louis is another character I don’t like. Obviously he should have been able to control himself when Eva was drunk. The guy is supposed to be a professional and has been in the business long enough to know better. So no sympathy for him later on when he was feeling awkward. Joseph isn’t much better either as the guy knows a lot of what’s going on and never gives Eva any proper heads up. He liked her so he needed to step up. Although I don’t blame him for taking a back seat once she was fooling around with Louis. At that point he may as well run off.

There aren’t really any big characters to root for here though which shows how aimless the film was. To an extent it is really about Eva failing over and over again until she gets her big break. Yes she manages to pull it off but at a great cost as she now has a lot of ammo to be blackmailed with eventually. Additionally, she just doesn’t seem to have the skills to remain as a main star. We don’t even know how she really succeeded in this role since everything we saw earlier would have implied that she’d be a big failure on the big screen.

Another problem here is that the big scene is about Eva getting drunk and making a fool of herself at a party. It seems to be meant to be impressive as the characters mention that she would be a huge hit if she could perform like that when she wasn’t drunk. It didn’t seem all that impressive to me though and if anything I’d be feeling second hand embarrassment if I was at that party. It’s why you never want to have too much alcohol at a party because inevitably there will be someone there who is a lightweight and ends up getting too drink. That’s bound to be a big problem. Not that any of these corrupt characters would really mind I suppose.

I guess the bright side you can probably say is that all of these negative movies about getting into show business probably did keep people from making rash decisions in order to be a star. Ditching your home town and everything in order to shine is definitely not the right play because then you’re already in a vulnerable spot. It’s had to negotiate for a great role and high pay when the other side knows how desperate you are. If Eva had a good manager and more skills then she probably could have fared a bit better. Alas, she went in without any real experience or connections and got trampled by the business.

Overall, Morning Glory is not a film I’d recommend checking out. It does have that retro tone that I enjoy with a fun script and good writing but it is really hard to succeed without a strong cast. A noir film could pull it off due to the really engaging story going on but a romance drama? That’s going to be a really uphill battle and this one was not able to pull it off. You can definitely do better within the genre.

Overall 4/10

Sutte Hakkun Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time for a puzzle title but unfortunately this is not one of the top tier ones. The mechanics are interesting to be sure but I wouldn’t say that they are all that good. They get old pretty fast and so you are unlikely to go through all of the puzzles in the game. Kudos to whoever pulls it off though. The puzzles are really difficult too so it’s not like you can just dive through them either. This is not a game for the faint of heart as you will have to keep on thinking hard all the way through.

The main goal of the game is to reach a rainbow gem in each level. In order to get to this gem you have to use your blood sucking skills to alter blocks. Each block in front of you can be made to move in different directions based on the kind of energy that you give it. Yellow goes diagonally while blue goes up for example. You can jump on top of blocks but can’t inject colors while in mid air. A lot of the puzzles involve timing so you want to be careful on the order of when you do things. That is absolutely important here.

If you make a mistake and get stuck you can always reset the level. Each level is a one room puzzle so at least you don’t have to back track a lot if you lose. Each world has 10-15 levels within it. Once you complete the levels in a world then you move on to the next one. You also don’t have to play through the levels fully chronologically either. You can mix and match as some puzzles might be easier for you to solve than others. Due to the way puzzles work in general, you may find that later ones are easier than the one you’re stuck at.

Although I don’t imagine that will be the case forever. As the worlds go on, even the weakest puzzle will probably still beat the strongest from a previous world. The setup really allows for a ton of difficulty jumps with how many blocks are in play at once. I very quickly got conquered myself. These puzzles were more than I was prepared for and I can say that with absolute confidence here.

The sheer amount of levels is super impressive. The game has at least 60-70 but it is probably over 100. Thinking of that many puzzles in general is already impressive. I always thought that had to be one of the most difficult things about game design because you have to come up with a puzzle that works without there being a way to break it and solve without following the right steps. Of course some games may allow that but in general the devs don’t want you to cheese the solutions. They want you to actually solve the puzzles which is the entire point of the game right?

The graphics aren’t bad although they are nothing to write home about. It’s a very basic kind of art style that works well for a minimalist kind of game like this. The screen is always clear and only basic colors are used. You’re ether into that kind of thing or you’re not. If you’re not then this could be a very long experience for you. The soundtrack is not really going to be popping off either. So you’re really here for the gameplay all the way through. If you don’t enjoy the gameplay then I don’t see how you will be able to enjoy any other part of the title.

Overall, Sutte Hakkun is a very unique game. I have to give it full points on creativity here. You are unlikely to see another game that is quite the same as this one. Unfortunately it is an example of a game not being able to get by on creativity alone. It’s just not all that fun by the end of it and that’s considering that I didn’t play through all of the levels. This is a game that has a massive amount of content so you can give the devs credit there. To someone who finds the gameplay to be very fun, they will have an excellent time all around. As for me, I’ll wait for the next Mario title.

Overall 4/10

Ridge Racer 64 Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time for the next Nintendo Switch Online title. Ridge Racer definitely works as a serviceable racing game even if it is one that you will probably not remember for very long. Nothing against the game itself of course but there just isn’t a lot to it. I imagine it was probably super addicting back in the day though and will still hold up with the multiplayer mode. One thing I do miss about the older racing titles like this are all the fun colors and designs.

The game has the main grand prix mode and you can also play the races on their own. Each Grand Prix is 3 levels long but the levels quickly start repeating as you go through them. Interestingly the levels don’t automatically advance like in most games so you have to physically choose the next level each time. Not a big deal but it’s definitely very noticeable. The levels can also be rather difficult to win at times because the computers really put up a good fight. You’ll have a huge lead and then they just appear by your side like nothing happened.

Then you’ve also got the opposite scenario where you start the race and they immediately leave you in the dust. In those cases it isn’t even close as their gap widens and widens with each passing second. My main car was the Pac-Man car so it was pretty slow but the acceleration was absolutely top tier. I usually like to have a high speed but I knew this was the car I needed because of the design. How do you say no to that right? There aren’t a whole lot of cars to choose from but I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of them are unlockable or something like that. That would make a lot of sense.

Like I mentioned before, the graphics are really good. It reminds me of an old PC car game I used to play back in the day. The colors are striking and there is a lot of variety in how you can change the colors of the car you used. I like this level of customization and it’s actually better than some modern car games so that is definitely worth noting. The soundtrack is a bit more on the forgettable side but you can’t win them all.

The controls are smooth and that is definitely crucial for a racing game like this. When you crash or make a bad turn, you immediately feel like it was your own fault and so the game doesn’t just generate a ton of the blame there or anything like that. You can always brake for the turns to play it safe or you can really master your vehicle and just go in guns blazing. You can drift by double tapping the brake button but it is definitely hard to control. For the most part as long as you drive careful then you should win the first pair of tournaments. After that you have to really focus on not making any mistakes at all or you end up paying for it. That is of course easier said than done

It will probably help if you pick a car that has top tier handling and such but that comes at the expense of speed and I never like playing a slow car. This is true for any game, I’d much rather crash and burn out early than end up slowly turtling my way to the finish line. The slow cars wouldn’t be in the game if they were completely useless of course but even then they would have to make an absolutely terrific argument for me to even consider them. That’s just not the way that I roll.

Overall, Ridge Racer 64 is a good game. It doesn’t have a ton of bells and whistles or anything like that. There aren’t many modes at all so what you see is what you get. Just being a good game is enough at the end of the day though. I had a fun time playing through it and look forward to seeing what Nintendo brings to the table next time. There are still a whole lot of options I’m sure and then maybe they can eventually throw the Gamecube console into the mix. I think it’s about time for that personally. If you have the Switch Online then there is no reason not to try this game out. Race through it a bit and enjoy the nostalgia.

Overall 6/10

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Review

Posted on by
Reply


As someone who does not like tomatoes I can confirm that one of my greatest fears would definitely be having to go toe to toe with one of them. If these guys bite as strongly as they taste then it would be all over for me. The film does a good job of poking fun at the concept while also getting in some terrifying moments. I would definitely recommend this one.

The film starts off with a lady getting murdered by a tomato. When the cops show up to check out the damage, one of them immediately notices that the “blood” is actually tomato juice. After this point the tomatoes launch an all out assault against humanity. Their numbers are considerable and for the most part the humans are powerless against them. They even have cherry tomatoes on their side. Will the humans be able to mount a proper counter offensive or is it game over for them?

This movie effectively takes shots at a whole lot of different story beats and groups. For starters the government doesn’t look very good here as their so called experts are completely out of their depth the whole time. They have absolutely no idea what they are doing and this only gets more and more evident as the film goes on. Their meeting rooms simply aren’t big enough for them and even their best agents trip up when the going gets the tough. The master of disguise actually made it pretty far but ultimately even he faltered when it counted. Trust me it was not a proud moment for that guy.

You may even end up rooting for the tomatoes here because of their fun sound effect. It’s really hype whenever they show up. The sound in and of itself isn’t creepy or anything but it’s with the context of knowing that the tomatoes are back. They even toy with the humans like at one point where they surround someone’s car and then calmly roll away. He really got off easy that time and they were effectively giving him a warning. The Tomatoes just took it a little too easily that time. If they had been serious then the film would be over.

Naturally the special effects for the film aren’t particularly good. There are a lot of cutaways so we don’t really get to see much of anything. The tomatoes themselves are just ordinary tomatoes for 90% of the screentime. I would have liked to have seen them grinning and running around more but the film didn’t really have the budget for that. The overt cheapness of the film is part of what makes it all fun though. This film is a parody that is really being as silly as possible.

Now of course in any film with a ton of jokes, there will be a bunch that absolutely don’t land. This film is no exception to that. For example you have Lois who is trying to make a name for herself but her skills aren’t all that great. So she gets desperate enough to consider her boss’ advice which was not good from the start. We also get a last second romance and so those scenes were pretty rough the whole time.

Fortunately the good ones easily overshadowed those. For example we also had Clark Kent show up as well as a good Superman gag at one point which was really good. We got the classic “up up and away” moment which was really inspired. There was also a kid and his dog although they didn’t do so well in the fight. The film had plenty of good references and little moments here and there that enhanced the movie.

There was also the whole plot regarding the white house’s chief of communications. The guy gets embarrassed early on during the Q&A and then we actually get some repercussions from that later on. His plan had been unfolding for a while but I’m sure this helped speed it up. The betrayal was really good. The scene had a lot of tension to it and good development. I was almost more invested in this plot than the tomatoes for a minute there.

The movie is fairly short but even then you enjoyment here will be based on how much you enjoy the main gag of the Tomatoes. Will you find it to be too silly or just the right amount of fun and exciting? Everything hinges on that because at the end of the day this is not a serious thriller or anything like that. Technically the body count is rather high and by the end a ton of people are dead but it’s not like the tone is going to reflect that. This is meant to be a really happy film all the way around and it succeeds on that angle.

I tend to enjoy some quality silly humor so this is up my alley. There was even a quick song by the corporate guy helping on PR which was out of nowhere but pretty intense. The singing voice wasn’t half bad and the lyrics are of course the main highlight. This guy showed that you can be great at business and still find time to sing a quick tune. So the quality song helps to make up for a lack of a big soundtrack, although it’s not like I would have expected a grand soundtrack for this film anyway.

Now lets imagine that the film was played seriously for a moment. I think the way you would do it is that the tomatoes move at high speeds. They would keep slamming into people and the sheer concussive force would knock them out. Maybe the main character is a cook so he is able to slice them apart when they show up. You could still have an end of the world plot with ease but the question is how many audiences would take it seriously anyway. And if you know that they wouldn’t, well that’s why you do the parody instead.

Overall, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a film that I’ve looked forward to for a long while now and I can definitely say that it lived up to the hype. This is a fun film with an original story. It has a large variety of gags so you are bound to like some of them. From there is just depends on how many you did not like. If it’s a small number then we have a winner. I’ll be curious to see how good the sequels are but it will be hard to beat the original. It’s one of those premises that you probably don’t want to overdo. It’s why I really liked the stinger at the end which showed off the new villains coming up. That has a ton of potential right there.

Overall 7/10

DC Heroes United Review

Posted on by
Reply


Having fun yet? That’s what you’re always supposed to think about when playing a mobile game. A console game can get away with being boring for a few hours but a mobile game needs to click immediately or you’re just gonna uninstall it. There are too many alternatives to find yourself settling for anything. At least if you ask me that would not be worth it. Fortunately this one is really good and easily one of the best mobile games that I’ve played.

DC Heroes United uses the same gameplay style as Vampire Survivor. You have to try and survive for 10 minutes while the field is completely overrun by monsters. Mini bosses show up every 3 minutes while one big boss shows up at the halfway point and at 10 minutes. You have to defeat them in order to clear the stage. Each stage has 3 difficulty levels and 3 missions per level. In order to unlock the next stage you need to beat all 3 missions on the first difficulty level and then just survive 10 minutes on the second level. It’s definitely nothing too crazy in terms of requirements. I would recommend completing as many missions as possible though because the rewards are worth it.

The game feels like a bit of a mystery though because it feels like nobody is playing it. I’ve tried checking online to see any activity and people mainly just talk about the episodes. One guy started writing a guide but then his phone stopped being supported and he vanished. The company itself doesn’t really try to help either in terms of getting the word out. I’m sure they’re busy but showing the game off would help with improving the playerbase. The whole thing just feels like a black box the whole time. There isn’t even any kind of leaderboard system to know how many people are keeping up with you. It just becomes a large scale mystery or if the other players are robots or not. There are technically a lot of people voting on the episode choices since I spend a few hundred picks and still get beaten badly but how legit are those votes? With 0 transparency it’s hard to say.

The ability to watch all of the episodes on the app is pretty cool. I’ve seen all the episodes so far but I’ll go into that on a TV show review once it’s done. For the game, I naturally like the gameplay since I love this style. That said, it does have a bit of a balancing issue. I’ve completed all of the previous levels and almost all of the missions but I die almost instantly on the latest level. This doesn’t make sense because I’m level 90 out of a possible 100. That just seems like a crazy amount of power creep to me. I’ve been wondering how the game will deal with that and it’s finally reached this point. It will be interesting to see what the devs do because they have put themselves into a bit of a hole here.

I think maybe they need more customization and methods of attack to spice things up. Give us more to use our resources on and more stages or modes to play in. The game is seriously lacking in content right now. The fact that I’m already in “Endgame” definitely says a whole lot. I know the show is the main priority which is why the mobile game doesn’t have any kind of a story mode but in theory the money would be made through the game so you need to make it worth your while. The game has some absolutely insane prices for the item packs and gems in the game. I would never even consider it but even the whales will need some reason to buy it.

At the time of writing this review I have already cleared well over half of the game’s entire accomplishments. So not only am I done with all of the stages except the last one, unlocked all the characters, own legendary armor for all types, but even the career accomplishments are nearly done. The game needs to add some things in quick or I might literally 100% the game at some point the way I did with Miraculous Ladybug. It’s fun to complete a game but for mobile titles the point is to usually not have an ending. You’re not supposed to give the player a reason to ever put the game down.

The soundtrack is pretty nonexistent. Definitely not a strength for the title. The graphics are pretty decent. The game isn’t trying to do anything fancy though so the character models are small but I’ll take what I can get. This is really a game about having fun surviving and so you don’t need a whole lot of processing power for that. This title still doesn’t match Vampire Survivor on pretty much anything but I am glad that the genre is getting more games because it really has a whole lot of potential.

Overall, This game is still relatively new. You can bet that they will be adding more characters and stages but I’m hoping they add them sooner than later. A mobile game needs to avoid having large droughts and the fact that this game has already done the same event 3 times is concerning. I don’t think they thought things through here. The two biggest things the game could do would be to start adding content fast and to add some kind of leaderboard system. We need an interactive part to the game to get everyone’s competitive spirits going. Once we all can see who is ahead of us, it’ll be a whole lot more exciting.

Overall 8/10

Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII Review

Posted on by
Reply


After all these years I finally got to play through the legendary Lightning Returns game. I remember this one being pretty controversial when it came out and after playing it through I can see why that is the case. In a lot of ways it does invalidate parts of the first two games as well as putting the characters through a ton of grief for a very long time. Even with a reasonably happy ending….although a very mixed one, it’s not going to erase those memories. It is an epic story though and one that will keep you at the edge of your seat.

We start off in the future where the world is coming to an end. In 7 days it shall be no more. So the god of the multiverse awakens Lightning to be reborn as his herald. She is to save as many worthy souls as possible by achieving their heart’s desires. Then those survivors will make up the citizens of the new world and Lightning will rule alongside him as a goddess. She only agrees to help in exchange for bringing her sister back to life. This god agrees but is he really being straight forward with her? That remains to be seen.

The whole 7 days thing may make you a bit nervous and I’m afraid that your fears would be well founded. This game uses a day system similar to Pikmin. The minutes go by in real time as one second is roughly equivalent to one minute. As a result the days go by quickly. You have to complete 5 main quests within the 7 day period. This is a true open world game so you can do the quests in any order except for the 5th quest which requires you to complete half of quest 4 first. You can use your time abilities to freeze time temporarily but at the cost of your EP. This is a big deal because the EP is how you use your most powerful abilities within the game and you can’t actively gain any items to recover it. (You can get a 1-2 ethers in the game but that’s it. You can only recover it by defeating enemies or going forward to the next day. Of course with the enemies you typically recover EP very slowly and often times you will lose more time than it is worth.

If you are not able to beat the quests within the 7 days then you go back to the beginning of the game and get to start over. You do keep your stats and equipment (minus key items) though which is handy. Still, you lose all story and mission progress. I was not able to beat the game on my first try so I did have to go back and beat the game again. This time the final boss was not too bad, the Ultima weapon is an absolute must though. I was able to beat him with just 2 EP since I was rushing but with the full 9 set it would have been really easy without a doubt. Of course if you tell anybody that they have to play the game twice they’re going to give you a look.

It’s the one thing keeping this game from being an easy 9. I just can’t support the day system because it forces you to rush a lot. This is a pretty big game with a lot of content and it’s annoying having to skip so many quests and things to do. It doesn’t feel like good game design even if that is the purpose of the overall plot. Completing a lot of side quests can increase the 7 days to 13 but even then it’s ultimately not going to be enough to do everything unless you plan it perfectly with a guide or something. That’s really your only bet.

So that was unfortunate. The story is really interesting like I said before though. I feel bad for the characters as some had to live for centuries in the worst timeline imaginable but at least the ending itself finally brings back some hope. It’s a very depressing game in a lot of ways as we see how futile the first two games were. That is still a little hard to come to terms with but I give this game a lot of credit for really going there. It did not pull any punches at all as the heroes really had to contend with what happened. We also got a ton of homages and references to the first two games which was nice. It helped to tie this all together as a full trilogy.

Meanwhile the graphics are really good as you would expect. All of the characters look solid and I definitely enjoyed the special effects. The full cinematics are all really good and of course the soundtrack is on point too. I wouldn’t say it beats the original 13 but you’re bound to find some tunes that you enjoy here. There is a wide variety of tunes after all so the numbers are really in your favor.

The main game took me around 40 hours counting both playthroughs so there’s a lot of content here. Technically speaking it would be one of the quickest Final Fantasy titles if you were to speed run through this but I feel like most people are going to need 2 playthroughs to actually save the world. Having those extra stats from two runs is just so important since the final boss has 4 different phases and hits like a tank. You also have a hard cap of 12 recovery items so it’s not like you can just store a bunch of potions either. The game is made so that you have to make a whole lot of difficult choices.

Finally I’ll also give the game some credit for having multiple paths for several quests. For example on your first playthrough you tend to have to follow the rules. There are some stealth missions and you have to be careful not to get caught or you’re quickly murdered by the cult followers. On the second playthrough I just went ahead and attacked them all and it worked out since my stats were so high. I was breezing through everybody and you really feel like a goddess in that second playthrough.

Overall, Lightning Returns is controversial and rightfully so. The game played around with some mechanics that weren’t quite winners like the day system. The fact that Lightning is by herself for the whole game is also quite rare for an RPG. Usually you would definitely be expecting to have had a full crew of fighters with you. instead you have tons of costumes you can access which all have different powers. It’s fun and unique but I do ultimately prefer having a full squad. Ultimately this is a great game even with the limitations though and I would recommend checking it out.

Overall 8/10